Dreading our goodbyes

[Saralovesjason]

I was day dreaming today while my son's team warmed up. I was thinking about our upcoming visit and was feeling so happy; then suddenly I recalled something and that made that happiness evaporate. During our last few visits, I'm 24 in, and suddenly dreading leaving him. I'm even not wanting to sleep, as it seems a waste of our time. My love is so sweet about it, and pulls me out of this. Does anyone else have experience with this? And is there something that helps you?

[R&R]

On our first ever visit, the day before I left I struggled knowing I had to leave the next day. It made the last night and next morning an unpleasant experience. After that visit, I vowed to myself to not let this happen again. I lost time that we could have been enjoying our time and making more great memories by getting upset over something that is a reality of being in a LDR. We chose to be together and we knew there would be "see you next times" until we can close the distance. Now, 3 1/2 years later, I have gone from having to make a conscious effort to not get upset to it being second-nature to be okay through the whole visit.

You might want to have something special, just for you, to be waiting at the end of the visit. When I drive to IN to see him, I drive the straight 15-16 hours to get to him. On the way home, I drive 9 hours to NY, stay overnight with one of my best friends at her place, and then do the last 6 hours the next day. Knowing I get to hang with her gives me something to look forward to after I leave my SO and I'm not spending the car ride being miserable because I just left him. If he's leaving me, I try to plan something with my daughters or a friend right after so I can have a positive thing waiting for me after.

[Saralovesjason]

Oh great idea! Thank you so much!

[2Rocky]

It's the down time, where your mind wanders during the visit that makes me dread the goodbye. Sometimes it's right at the beginning when the anticipation of seeing her again is so strong.

Definitely having something immediately after the goodbye is important. For me it usually is a destination or deadline that requires full attention.

Also setting a date for the next visit, and making the reservation for the flight, at least gets me out of that hopeless feeling of "never seeing her again".

This 72 day stretch is tough because we are both under pressure on getting things done in preparation for the next longer visit, and the covert dread of "what if it doesn't get done in time?".

There comes a point where you just say to yourself "Man, this must be good if I am so damn miserable when we part"

[Saralovesjason]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I find at night on our first night is my worst. When we say goodbye, we usually have a very general idea like, "maybe in June, if not July for sure." Until we have set plans, I'm uneasy. He's a lot more laid back about it than I am. When I get back home this time, I'll have my kids charging through the door soon afterwards. Which is good, bc they are the only thing that can coax me to leave him. 11 days left now. Can't wait!

[Chris516]

I was day dreaming today while my son's team warmed up. I was thinking about our upcoming visit and was feeling so happy; then suddenly I recalled something and that made that happiness evaporate. During our last few visits, I'm 24 in, and suddenly dreading leaving him. I'm even not wanting to sleep, as it seems a waste of our time. My love is so sweet about it, and pulls me out of this. Does anyone else have experience with this? And is there something that helps you?

Paralysis analysis....

BTDT

Focus on something else for a day.

[Saralovesjason]

Hello everyone! This thread just crossed my mind so I wanted to update. I returned home Tuesday afternoon following an amazing visit. I had a lot of trouble sleeping the night before we said goodbye. We agreed that if we are physically together or not, if we can't sleep, we will let each other know. I woke him up 3 times, and we held each other and talked over, cried. I ended up taking Benadryl to help me sleep, worked well. But by the time it kicked in, I was feeling cried out, calm, supported and very loved. I purposely had a heavily scheduled week. Easy this time of year with sporty kids, end of school year activities, and I took on more work. I've been so busy I can't believe it's Friday now. While I'm pretty tender as I usually am right after a visit, I'm stronger. Thanks for the advice, you helped me so much! Xoxo

[differentcountries]

I think every couple has to find something that works for them. We have tried denying we will feel bad, that does not work out so well. My first visit to him, I was in shock when I had to leave (crying a lot in airports) and he withdrew a lot emotionally afterwords. We had to talk a lot about how we react and how we prefer it.

Now, we know that usually I am very sad at day 3 (half into my visit) and towards the end. I know this, so it does not surprise me. He usually throws up the day before I leave or the same day...He says he feels sick because I leave him. This is just how it is. We try to keep the last day light, prefferably with having something planned. We have agreed to keep things light and not cry. I think with him he feels that the departure sadness is understood. It was harder to leave him in the beginning when I felt less secure in the relationship.

The day I leave I will usually feel ok, maybe cry a bit on the plane but once I get home I feel very exhausted, especially if I have to travel for about a day (my last trip included 3 planes and I travelled from 5 in the morning to almost midnight). I usually try to take a day off after I get home, to relax and get my sleep back. We also are not very much in touch the first few days. I mean we both feel awful about missing each other and dont need a reminder, plus we are usually very sleep deprived because we use the nights when I am there (he works until midnight-2 in the morning). I treat it like a mini-depression and just try to eat enough protein in my diet and to take care of myself. I send him pics and tease him about us. Not having a set date for a visit is not fun, but I have told him I have my eyes set on August. We have already talked about where we will stay on the last visit. Things like that help to get me focused on what I need to do before that time.