Kind of a stupid rant.. I don't really know what to think..

[PianoGirl25]

I've been with my SO for over three years now and throughout the years I've sent him a package and bough him some stuff online but he never did anything like that for me because he has always been short on money and had other stuff to save for.. He does sometimes get some stuff for himself or family but he never did for me so that kind of upsets me.. dont get me wrong, I don't want anything expensive, I wouldn't mind something small for a birthday or a special occasion just to know he cares and thinks of me and wants to do something nice for me.. He has gotten me some stuff but he's planning to give them to me when we meet but I don't know.. still kind of upsets me that he does think of his family and gets them stuff and I get stuff for him but he doesn't return the favor.. Makes any sense? Has anyone been through something similar?
Any thoughts..?

[R&R]

I've been with my SO for 3 1/2 years. In that entire time, I haven't received one gift. I've received a few cards for my birthday or Valentine's Day, but that's it. He did get me something for Christmas this past year....and he still has it. I'll probably get it when he visits in July. On the other hand, he has received multiple gifts from me from flower deliveries to clothes, to a ring and a couple of paintings I have done for him. He does things for his children and other family members that are close by.

I look at it this way, I'm with him for who he is and not what he gets me. Financially, I am in a much better place than he is and I don't expect him to buy me gifts just because I get him things. I know he loves me without those gifts. When he texts me good moring and tells me to have a good day, he shows me he loves me. When he sends me a picture of a job he's working on, I know he's thinking about me throughout his day. To me, that's more important.

I've been in relationships where they would buy me anything I wanted but getting anything emotional from them was like pulling teeth. I learned that I would much rather have their love, affection and attention over anything money can buy.

[erwin1973]

Same here. May be it makes a difference that I am a man. I buy little things for my ladies (my girl and her daughter) such as cards, coloringpencils, scetchbooks (both for our daughter, of course) and that kind of small things. My lady also likes it more when I buy something for our daughter then for her. I know they have only very little money, and I told them all I want in return is their love and appriciation. That is really all I want back. And the three of us are happy with it.

[Honour]

Heh, you and me have the exact same problem, OP. My SO never really sends gifts or packages, and I kinda stopped doing it after awhile, because I'm completely used to sending and receiving gifts and he's not. He grew up surrounded by it, his parents were exactly the same. No gifts etc. It reaaaaaaaaally frustrates me and I've no idea how to broach the subject again, it's not the first time I'll have said something to him about it, but nothing's changed.

[PianoGirl25]

Thank you all for your replies.. I really appreciate it. Obvioisly I'm not going to bring it up because it doesn't bother me that much and I don't want to make him feel bad about it cause there's no point. But thank you all for taking the time to answer, it means a lot

[2Rocky]

It might be that your SO doesn't realize the importance to you....We all have Love languages.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman.[1] It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages":
gift giving,
quality time,
words of affirmation,
acts of service (devotion),
and physical touch.[2]


Chapman's book claims that the list of five love languages is exhaustive.[3] [4] According to this theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language
Chapman suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love.

[PianoGirl25]

Thank you.. I'll pay more attention to him about that and maybe he just doesn't express his love this way.

[2Rocky]

As an aside, one of the first text conversations ML and I had was about books and we were both reading Love Languages at the same time. I think it really made our communication long distance that much better. We both are Physical affection/Words of affirmation people. But we each recognize each other's demonstration through Quality time (Facetime while we each do laundry), or an act of service like researching options and making suggestions on a project we are working on.

[PianoGirl25]

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it and I was glad to hear about your experience. I'll check out the book and perhaps have my partner look at it as well, I think it can really help us

[Chris516]

I've been with my SO for over three years now and throughout the years I've sent him a package and bough him some stuff online but he never did anything like that for me because he has always been short on money and had other stuff to save for.. He does sometimes get some stuff for himself or family but he never did for me so that kind of upsets me.. don't get me wrong, I don't want anything expensive, I wouldn't mind something small for a birthday or a special occasion just to know he cares and thinks of me and wants to do something nice for me.. He has gotten me some stuff but he's planning to give them to me when we meet but I don't know.. still kind of upsets me that he does think of his family and gets them stuff and I get stuff for him but he doesn't return the favor.. Makes any sense? Has anyone been through something similar?
Any thoughts..?

The gift, is in the giving, not the receiving. I have joy in giving. My most recent LDR, I received a lot. Far more than I could financially give her. In my present LDR. Instead of sending her items(flowers notwithstanding) in the mail, I fly out there for her birthday.