Subject line says it all... some background:
Me: 53 yrs old, 50% custody of teenage son, live in Ontario, CAnada, own my own business which at this time, requires me to be on call 24/7 (working on removing that aspect of my business).
Her: 38 going on 39, single, no dependents, lives in Athens, Greece with parents for economic reasons I believe (although she apparently owns her own house there, as well). No job.
Casually "met" in an online game back in late summer or early autumn of 2016 - lots of interesting fun messages between us. Shared a lot of similar interests, became "friends" on Facebook - and communications just kept growing and growing to the point that by late December, we were talking on the phone regularly. By January, we both seemed to really want to meet for real in person. Originally, I had some ideas that if I could improve some business finances, I could take my son to Athens in June - he has always had a deep interest in Greek mythology and culture; he's almost an expert on Greek mythology.
But in that same month (January), I realized it was going to be very challenging to do that by June, so I broached the subject of an option of her visiting me if I could pay for the airfare. Her reaction was absolutely positive. And from that time on, that was our goal - to get her here to Canada.
We spent almost all of our waking hours in some form of contact over the next months. Sometime around end of February, she was hinting at needing to maybe move to England on a temporary basis if she could get work there. That's when I suggested to her that we should may try to firm up arrangements to get her here instead - it would be with a return ticket of course, if she wanted to go back to Greece. The goal was for May 6th - I had found a flight that seemed affordable - but unfortunately the cash did not come in, in time to get book that. But I had asked her, "if the cash comes in, do you mind if I book the trip?" Her reply was "Of course you can but please tell me first."
We had some not so great days - I think mostly due to the distance - but we usually were able to later communicate and solve the issues - and right up until even just last week, there was constant "When I'm there with you, we'll do this.... " "Can't wait to be there with you... " and indeed, we both knew that I was supposed to be receiving a very nice payment for some work which would more than pay for the airfare and also cover LOTS of expenses. No... it would not in any way make me rich - but it would cover my own living expenses for at least three months even if no other work came in.
That last couple of weeks of April were stressful, waiting for this cheque to arrive in the mail. It arrived May 4th. I told her it had arrived and I went out to deposit it at the bank, pick up things my son needed and hoped to now finally nail down the details of her airfare. Got home - wanted to talk to her but she had apparently had a last minute event to attend in her evening - so we did not talk about it. But later before she went to sleep, even then, I got messages, "I love you.... you are my world...." etc etc. I found a flight for May 31st which was more than affordable - but noted that others as we went into the summer season were getting hugely expensive.
Next day, May 5th I broached the subject and let her know about the flight I had found. I was totally taken aback by her response - which was basically "I don't think we can plan anything - I saw how stressful it was for those past few weeks financially, and I think we should wait." This response was completely out of line with what she had been saying, just days before, which even at one point she had said, "We will probably be together sooner than you think right now!"
I was really puzzled by the response, but I went through all the financial information to show her how the objection was not really a valid one. I also pointed out that due to the nature of my credit card, I was limited to a 1,000.00 transaction maximum per day - so we would have to find flights, if I were to pay, that were less than that. This flight on May 31st was only 640.00 with a return ticket.
At that point, after discussing the finances, her next reply was... "Okay. But now I will have to see my parents reaction first."
Now that really threw me off.... her parents reaction? And she is 38? And there was never any talk, EVER, in the past about this before?
Previously, in February, she had told me had broached the subject of coming to CAnada for a visit.. .possibly even moving here and that time, she lead me to believe that while her parents were sad, they saw benefits as well. So I never thought at the last minute, we'd be worrying about "parents reactions."
But she promised she would get back to me the next day after talking with the parents. But the next day, I'm told she did not have a good opportunity to do that, but would try again on Sunday. This went on until around Tuesday, at which point the flight I had been watching - it was jumping up in price - was now over 1,200.00 - and now impossible for me to book. I told her that.
On Wednesday May 10th, she then asked about the possibility of other flights and by late afternoon my time, evening her time - the timing was pretty strange as we had been talking already for half an hour when she tells me, "I've talked to my parents. They are sad but have said 'go and see'. So let's see if we can find plane tickets."
Now, she DID know it was not going to just be a five minute search - I was looking for tickets that were both affordable AND that did not have a long layover at some airport on the way.
And this is where things seem to get really weird again. It was about 15 minutes into the airfare search, I get a message, "Okay stop looking. Let's wait until tomorrow. Mom is really sad."
AT that point, I was feeling absolutely astonished. And devastated. None of it was making any sense - even from the week before, this "needing parents reaction" first. And now this?
She then told me she was going to try to get some sleep and work on the parents the next day. Except, some hours later, I get a message, "not happening... sorry..." and it described some drama one of the parents was apparently going through - I was not really sure if the "not happening" meant the trip was not happening, or that sleep was not happening. I tried to get some confirmation from her but none was forthcoming until her Thursday morning - trip not happening, but possibly still up in the air.
But then I hardly heard from her for the rest of the day and into Friday morning - by that time I was just devastated, I had my own tears over it all.. and she insinuated that they were "fake." At that point, I said "goodbye" - it was all too much of an emotional roller coaster ride.
Me: 53 yrs old, 50% custody of teenage son, live in Ontario, CAnada, own my own business which at this time, requires me to be on call 24/7 (working on removing that aspect of my business).
Her: 38 going on 39, single, no dependents, lives in Athens, Greece with parents for economic reasons I believe (although she apparently owns her own house there, as well). No job.
Casually "met" in an online game back in late summer or early autumn of 2016 - lots of interesting fun messages between us. Shared a lot of similar interests, became "friends" on Facebook - and communications just kept growing and growing to the point that by late December, we were talking on the phone regularly. By January, we both seemed to really want to meet for real in person. Originally, I had some ideas that if I could improve some business finances, I could take my son to Athens in June - he has always had a deep interest in Greek mythology and culture; he's almost an expert on Greek mythology.
But in that same month (January), I realized it was going to be very challenging to do that by June, so I broached the subject of an option of her visiting me if I could pay for the airfare. Her reaction was absolutely positive. And from that time on, that was our goal - to get her here to Canada.
We spent almost all of our waking hours in some form of contact over the next months. Sometime around end of February, she was hinting at needing to maybe move to England on a temporary basis if she could get work there. That's when I suggested to her that we should may try to firm up arrangements to get her here instead - it would be with a return ticket of course, if she wanted to go back to Greece. The goal was for May 6th - I had found a flight that seemed affordable - but unfortunately the cash did not come in, in time to get book that. But I had asked her, "if the cash comes in, do you mind if I book the trip?" Her reply was "Of course you can but please tell me first."
We had some not so great days - I think mostly due to the distance - but we usually were able to later communicate and solve the issues - and right up until even just last week, there was constant "When I'm there with you, we'll do this.... " "Can't wait to be there with you... " and indeed, we both knew that I was supposed to be receiving a very nice payment for some work which would more than pay for the airfare and also cover LOTS of expenses. No... it would not in any way make me rich - but it would cover my own living expenses for at least three months even if no other work came in.
That last couple of weeks of April were stressful, waiting for this cheque to arrive in the mail. It arrived May 4th. I told her it had arrived and I went out to deposit it at the bank, pick up things my son needed and hoped to now finally nail down the details of her airfare. Got home - wanted to talk to her but she had apparently had a last minute event to attend in her evening - so we did not talk about it. But later before she went to sleep, even then, I got messages, "I love you.... you are my world...." etc etc. I found a flight for May 31st which was more than affordable - but noted that others as we went into the summer season were getting hugely expensive.
Next day, May 5th I broached the subject and let her know about the flight I had found. I was totally taken aback by her response - which was basically "I don't think we can plan anything - I saw how stressful it was for those past few weeks financially, and I think we should wait." This response was completely out of line with what she had been saying, just days before, which even at one point she had said, "We will probably be together sooner than you think right now!"
I was really puzzled by the response, but I went through all the financial information to show her how the objection was not really a valid one. I also pointed out that due to the nature of my credit card, I was limited to a 1,000.00 transaction maximum per day - so we would have to find flights, if I were to pay, that were less than that. This flight on May 31st was only 640.00 with a return ticket.
At that point, after discussing the finances, her next reply was... "Okay. But now I will have to see my parents reaction first."
Now that really threw me off.... her parents reaction? And she is 38? And there was never any talk, EVER, in the past about this before?
Previously, in February, she had told me had broached the subject of coming to CAnada for a visit.. .possibly even moving here and that time, she lead me to believe that while her parents were sad, they saw benefits as well. So I never thought at the last minute, we'd be worrying about "parents reactions."
But she promised she would get back to me the next day after talking with the parents. But the next day, I'm told she did not have a good opportunity to do that, but would try again on Sunday. This went on until around Tuesday, at which point the flight I had been watching - it was jumping up in price - was now over 1,200.00 - and now impossible for me to book. I told her that.
On Wednesday May 10th, she then asked about the possibility of other flights and by late afternoon my time, evening her time - the timing was pretty strange as we had been talking already for half an hour when she tells me, "I've talked to my parents. They are sad but have said 'go and see'. So let's see if we can find plane tickets."
Now, she DID know it was not going to just be a five minute search - I was looking for tickets that were both affordable AND that did not have a long layover at some airport on the way.
And this is where things seem to get really weird again. It was about 15 minutes into the airfare search, I get a message, "Okay stop looking. Let's wait until tomorrow. Mom is really sad."
AT that point, I was feeling absolutely astonished. And devastated. None of it was making any sense - even from the week before, this "needing parents reaction" first. And now this?
She then told me she was going to try to get some sleep and work on the parents the next day. Except, some hours later, I get a message, "not happening... sorry..." and it described some drama one of the parents was apparently going through - I was not really sure if the "not happening" meant the trip was not happening, or that sleep was not happening. I tried to get some confirmation from her but none was forthcoming until her Thursday morning - trip not happening, but possibly still up in the air.
But then I hardly heard from her for the rest of the day and into Friday morning - by that time I was just devastated, I had my own tears over it all.. and she insinuated that they were "fake." At that point, I said "goodbye" - it was all too much of an emotional roller coaster ride.
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