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    I don't know what to do

    Hi, I just created this account because I need advice from people who know what it is being in a long distance relationship.

    I have a huge problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 1,5 years. We usually see each other every 3 months. I was supposed to fly to see him on Monday the 12th of June. I found out that he has been talking to his ex behind my back and that he misses his ex and he wants to see his ex. But he also says that he doesn't want to lose me. I already told him that I'm not coming since he was/is planning to see his ex and that we need to break up if he will see her because I know what will happen if they meet. His ex doesn't accept our relationship and she is ready to do everything to make me leave him (she even contacted me telling that they are going to meet and that she will do it just for fun and she wouldn't even be committed if they started over). So the ex is also a problem because she has told lies before to destroy our relationship and she might be telling lies again. I don't know who to trust anymore.

    I kind of already told him that we are done and I blocked him everywhere but we never really solved the problem so I had to talk to him again and he made me think if I should still go to see him. Part of me knows this will never work, part of me wants to see him. I don't think I can ever heal if I don't see him for the last time and talk about this face to face. He told me now that he will not see his ex because it would make me disappear from his life. I know that he might be telling lies and manipulating me but I can't see myself not going to see him. I would stay there for 3 weeks and that is a long time if I find out that he is again talking to his ex. I'm scared that I will be even more broken but I never got to say good bye face to face.

    Should I go to see him for the last time or not? I already told my family and friends and they don't want me to go but I don't know if they understand me and my feelings because they have never done long distance with someone from another country. (We are both in Europe so the distance is not very huge.) I still love him and I can't imagine my life without him. What would you do in this situation?

    #2
    Hi and welcome.

    It is only you who can decide if you should go and see him. But, when you decide to go, make sure you have a back-up plan, so you can leave him and his ex any time you think you should, and spend the remaining time of the 3 weeks not with your bf and his ex.

    I see a couple of things happening here.

    Why is he seeing his ex any way, doe they have children together? Do they go to school and share a class? Or is he just missing her (or some physical attention) (thus meaning he is cheating on you)? Or, even worse for you, is he still in love with her?

    I also see you don't trust him any more, but you say you love him. Mmm... In my humble opinion that is not possible. Love needs trust. No trust, means no love. Then it might be 'need', or the fear to be left alone. You said he lied to you, and that you suspect him to be lying to you still. Then, where is your limit? Go there, see him leave you with his ex? Can you handle that?

    His ex seems to be jealous. Why in the first place does she have to agree with his relationship with you? I don't see the need in that, nor the logic.

    All in all, I have a bad feeling, but again: only you can decided weather to go there or not. But again: if you decided to go, make sure you have a back-up plan and a location where you can stay (not being with him).

    Good luck.
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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      #3
      His ex doesn't live in the same country with him, their thing was also long distance. I don't know the reason why he misses her because when I ask he says ''I just miss her and I don't want her to disappear''. He says he only wants to talk to her and with me he wants to be in a relationship. The ex wouldn't be there during those 3 weeks, their ''plan'' was to see after I leave.

      Yeah we don't need the acceptance of his ex and I know she's jealous. Otherwise she would stay away from us and our relationship.

      I don't have a back-up plan which is also why I don't know if I should go or not. I'm also young, maybe I don't know what love is. My feelings for him are very strong though and I want to believe him.

      Thank you.

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        #4
        So he is going to see you first and then he's going to meet her?
        I hope you see the red flags in that situation?
        Last edited by erwin1973; June 9, 2017, 04:41 AM.
        Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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          #5
          Was he the one to break up with her? But she wants to still date him?
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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