I love her, with everything I've got. I've been asked a couple times by attractive people but I can't see them as nothing but friends; She's everything I want and everything I need, but for a good while now I feel like she doesn't feel the same way.
There's a ton of issues with our relationship, and I'm truly trying my hardest to fix them all. For starters, one thing that's prominent on my side is jealousy.
To clear things up first, my girlfriend and I call about twice a week for only around 1-2 hours, and while the both of us would love longer times, it can't happen due to several reasons that restrict us into doing so. Otherwise, we'd be calling each other every single day. The only reason why I mention this is to highlight the fact that our relationship, for the past while has heavily relied on texting, and we text each other a lot. While I do prefer calling her, texting is the best we can do right now and I try to make every conversation last.
I don't mean to be stereotypical but typically I find that most girls in a relationship tend to be the talkative ones, as girls naturally have more to talk about - Gossip, latest trends, fads, life, and overall just things they all need to get off their chest. And my girlfriend used to be like that, there was a lot of energy involved in our conversation and it mainly radiated out of her. However for the past few months now it's been mostly me initiating the conversations, desperately trying to find new topics, clinging on to her (Which I understand isn't a good thing in a relationship, which is ANOTHER issue on top of this mess)
In her defense, she's very on top of all her school work - Being a 96 student in one of the toughest schools in America really does show that about her, which sadly means that communication between us can be little at times as she does have education for priority. And I respect that, I really do. But when it's late night, when she's done her work and I'm done mine, that's where it bothers me.
The conversations are dry, and essentially just shitty. I try my best to talk about new and exciting things, yet it seems to always die out with her late and dull replies. By dull, I mean replies that don't contribute to the conversation, replies like "aww" or "LOL" or "omg noo" or things like that. That, along with the responses being late when we're both preoccupied with literally nothing, starts to bother me because my mind starts screaming at me with all these assumptions.
One thing more I should clear up before I continue is that we've NEVER fought - Which I guess is unhealthy, but idk we just don't seem the type to conflict. Sometimes I do get mad at her and she does get mad at me, but we don't really express that towards each other and in a few days, it's gone. I guess the point of this is to highlight the fact that it's difficult talking communicating about things that bother us, I guess in fear of something happening. I don't know, it's just hard and I swear it feels like a barrier every time I try and address an issue. That being said, let's move on:
Given those things I talked about, with late, boring and dull replies given from her, I start to make assumptions. And suffice to say, I'm not proud of these assumptions - In fact I feel absolutely horrible afterwards, horrible and guilty. Yet in the moment I'm full of jealousy and occasionally anger based off assumptions that may not even be true -
I'm always afraid that the reasons behind crappy conversations may be due to the fact that she's distracted or occupied with someone else in that moment - And by someone else I mean guys. I want to say I trust her, I really do, but I've been finding it so hard to recently. My mind keeps screaming at me with all these assumptions, that she's having a much more juicier or energetic conversation with someone else as opposed to me. I've tried so, so hard to not let it bother me but it does, it nags me all the time and I hate it about myself. I don't know WHAT to do to improve that about me.
I've addressed the issue with her a couple times, and as said earlier, that's extremely hard for me to do- It sucks not being able to be fully transparent to each other due to whatever fear may be lingering but anyway, when we talk, she apologizes like crazy. She says she's sorry, and she says she doesn't know just what to say to me, but it's so hard for me to believe that when I compare conversations of mine as opposed to someone else and see a noticeable difference. I get mad about it and I just don't know what I can do to stop it.
The only solution I can think of is for myself to just become more occupied - By being more occupied I'm not always focused on her 100% of the time and thus I'm not too available to the point where I expect conversations. I feel like I should talk to more people, start doing more things with my life, but I'm scared that even THEN I'll still be bothered by late and crappy responses from my girlfriend. Thanks everyone!
There's a ton of issues with our relationship, and I'm truly trying my hardest to fix them all. For starters, one thing that's prominent on my side is jealousy.
To clear things up first, my girlfriend and I call about twice a week for only around 1-2 hours, and while the both of us would love longer times, it can't happen due to several reasons that restrict us into doing so. Otherwise, we'd be calling each other every single day. The only reason why I mention this is to highlight the fact that our relationship, for the past while has heavily relied on texting, and we text each other a lot. While I do prefer calling her, texting is the best we can do right now and I try to make every conversation last.
I don't mean to be stereotypical but typically I find that most girls in a relationship tend to be the talkative ones, as girls naturally have more to talk about - Gossip, latest trends, fads, life, and overall just things they all need to get off their chest. And my girlfriend used to be like that, there was a lot of energy involved in our conversation and it mainly radiated out of her. However for the past few months now it's been mostly me initiating the conversations, desperately trying to find new topics, clinging on to her (Which I understand isn't a good thing in a relationship, which is ANOTHER issue on top of this mess)
In her defense, she's very on top of all her school work - Being a 96 student in one of the toughest schools in America really does show that about her, which sadly means that communication between us can be little at times as she does have education for priority. And I respect that, I really do. But when it's late night, when she's done her work and I'm done mine, that's where it bothers me.
The conversations are dry, and essentially just shitty. I try my best to talk about new and exciting things, yet it seems to always die out with her late and dull replies. By dull, I mean replies that don't contribute to the conversation, replies like "aww" or "LOL" or "omg noo" or things like that. That, along with the responses being late when we're both preoccupied with literally nothing, starts to bother me because my mind starts screaming at me with all these assumptions.
One thing more I should clear up before I continue is that we've NEVER fought - Which I guess is unhealthy, but idk we just don't seem the type to conflict. Sometimes I do get mad at her and she does get mad at me, but we don't really express that towards each other and in a few days, it's gone. I guess the point of this is to highlight the fact that it's difficult talking communicating about things that bother us, I guess in fear of something happening. I don't know, it's just hard and I swear it feels like a barrier every time I try and address an issue. That being said, let's move on:
Given those things I talked about, with late, boring and dull replies given from her, I start to make assumptions. And suffice to say, I'm not proud of these assumptions - In fact I feel absolutely horrible afterwards, horrible and guilty. Yet in the moment I'm full of jealousy and occasionally anger based off assumptions that may not even be true -
I'm always afraid that the reasons behind crappy conversations may be due to the fact that she's distracted or occupied with someone else in that moment - And by someone else I mean guys. I want to say I trust her, I really do, but I've been finding it so hard to recently. My mind keeps screaming at me with all these assumptions, that she's having a much more juicier or energetic conversation with someone else as opposed to me. I've tried so, so hard to not let it bother me but it does, it nags me all the time and I hate it about myself. I don't know WHAT to do to improve that about me.
I've addressed the issue with her a couple times, and as said earlier, that's extremely hard for me to do- It sucks not being able to be fully transparent to each other due to whatever fear may be lingering but anyway, when we talk, she apologizes like crazy. She says she's sorry, and she says she doesn't know just what to say to me, but it's so hard for me to believe that when I compare conversations of mine as opposed to someone else and see a noticeable difference. I get mad about it and I just don't know what I can do to stop it.
The only solution I can think of is for myself to just become more occupied - By being more occupied I'm not always focused on her 100% of the time and thus I'm not too available to the point where I expect conversations. I feel like I should talk to more people, start doing more things with my life, but I'm scared that even THEN I'll still be bothered by late and crappy responses from my girlfriend. Thanks everyone!
A few questions: How long have you been together? How often do you meet/have you met? Do you have a plan to close the distance in the future? From what you write, it seems that you both are college-age, is that correct? Is she your first girlfriend? I ask these questions because I don't want to make any assumptions, but the answers would slightly change some of the advice I would give here. 
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