LDR Sorrows Thread

[5518MilesApart]

Like the title states, post your sorrows! I'm sure we all relate in some way or another.
I'll also be posting and hopefully we can give each other a bit of advice or just be there for one another.


Right now, I'm dealing with a move back to my mother's home.
It's not the best place, and bringing my daughter along hurts.
My SO is working hard at school, and communication is waning.
It hurts because we are going to see each other in less than 3 weeks,
and I don't think I'll be so excited to see him.

This is also the first time he'll meet my daughter and I'm so worried about it. My situation isn't so.. normal, I guess.
My child's biological father isn't in the picture, she doesn't know about him, but she already has a father figure.
Introducing her to my LDR relationship, even if we have been together for 2 years and a half and met once, is difficult to me.
Her father figure, an ex that I was engaged to and with since she was 3, might not be happy about her meeting him either.
I am worried he will abandon her over the fact, he has already shown he won't be civil with any significant other of mine.
Another worry of mine will be her reaction to all of this when she finds out about her biological father.
That's for another time, I guess.

Hope you all are doing great, but if you aren't, feel free to post. Thank you.

[Morwen]

Hi I'm also USA --> the Netherlands

I'm freaking out myself, he is coming here in 6 days. 6 days! And this will be the second time meeting. So I should be going crazy with excitement. And I am. But there is also this feeling like, what then? This is where it gets serious I think. And can I do this, am I strong enough? Is he? I don't know, I guess only time will tell.

[5518MilesApart]

Honestly, things changed after the first visit for us. But mostly like.. "We have to see each other again soon and plan it as soon as possible."
We can only see each other during the summer, because we both have school and I have work. It's really tough, being without one another. It involves a ton of communication.
Have fun when he gets here, yeah? >u<

[MushuChicken]

I think I might be done.

He is so wishy washy, and lately he has been cold and distant. Sort of. It's so weird...HE will message ME, and then he'll go offline for like hours at a time. Then, sure enough, he'll message me again, we'll have a 2 minute conversation, and he disappears again. No, "Hey I'm gonna go play some video games now." No, "Hey I am going over to so and so's house." This has been going on since Thursday. Thursday was our last meaningful conversation, and now...I don't even know what to think.

For example, last night he had messaged me we'll say 36 minutes prior to me getting the message (as I was busy); well 35 minutes prior, he went offline. What? Even if I had been at my computer, he would have been gone by the time I returned his message. What is the point of messaging me and then leaving? I just don't get what's going on.

Also, in the last week, he has sent me no pictures...not of himself, not of his life, not of things he has seen or eaten or anything. I've sent 6! But, at this point I am just looking for things to pick apart. The main thing has been his inconsistency. Earlier this week, he fell asleep on me, which is fine because it's very late there by the end of the day here. And the next day he just apologized and apologized, saying he would have wanted to say good night, at least. If he wasn't messaging me first, that would be one thing. Then, I would just take a step back and give him his space to do what he needed to do. But, he is initiating, and then flaking, all within minutes of each other. I have no explanation.

But, I certainly can't keep going like this. I am patient to a point. Sometimes, people are busy or tired or sick or whatever. But, I am starting to feel like someone whom he messages out of boredom at this point.

[5518MilesApart]

Hope your troubles have been resolved. Wishing you well.

[5518MilesApart]

Vacation over, back to reality

So, to go back on the start of this thread, everything turned out okay. More than okay. It started out rocky, with the feelings and the anticipation of the end day looming over our heads (mostly mine). Many emotional days, a ton of fun and.. my daughter really ended up warming up to him.
The last day, August 11, was extremely difficult. The place we called home for a month was cleaned out of our stuff so easily.. It hurt a lot, even when I thought it was going to be easier this time around.
Now I'm dealing with post vacation pains, and I'm really insecure so it just lashes out at me more easily at these times.

Now, he is back home, sleeping. The test that determines whether he graduates or not is in around 2 days.
I can't sleep. Back to my mother's home I go, checking out the job websites and homes for rent, trying to figure out how to make it.

I'm hoping everything turns out for the best, changes for the better soon.

[Honour]

Amen to the job hunting. I'm doing that currently too, and I still live at home with my parents. Glad your visit turned out good though.

[awills1]

I think I might be done.

He is so wishy washy, and lately he has been cold and distant. Sort of. It's so weird...HE will message ME, and then he'll go offline for like hours at a time. Then, sure enough, he'll message me again, we'll have a 2 minute conversation, and he disappears again. No, "Hey I'm gonna go play some video games now." No, "Hey I am going over to so and so's house." This has been going on since Thursday. Thursday was our last meaningful conversation, and now...I don't even know what to think.

For example, last night he had messaged me we'll say 36 minutes prior to me getting the message (as I was busy); well 35 minutes prior, he went offline. What? Even if I had been at my computer, he would have been gone by the time I returned his message. What is the point of messaging me and then leaving? I just don't get what's going on.

Also, in the last week, he has sent me no pictures...not of himself, not of his life, not of things he has seen or eaten or anything. I've sent 6! But, at this point I am just looking for things to pick apart. The main thing has been his inconsistency. Earlier this week, he fell asleep on me, which is fine because it's very late there by the end of the day here. And the next day he just apologized and apologized, saying he would have wanted to say good night, at least. If he wasn't messaging me first, that would be one thing. Then, I would just take a step back and give him his space to do what he needed to do. But, he is initiating, and then flaking, all within minutes of each other. I have no explanation.

But, I certainly can't keep going like this. I am patient to a point. Sometimes, people are busy or tired or sick or whatever. But, I am starting to feel like someone whom he messages out of boredom at this point.

I am having a very similar issue. I lost my rag yesterday because he's been really distant (I appreciate he's been busy) but all I ask is that he updates me on what he's doing from time to time so that I know when and if he needs space. But of course, I'm the psycho one for bringing that up and he said 'I wasn't under the assumption that I had to tell you everything' which really annoyed me. But we'll see. It's his birthday this week and I've sent him a nice gift and a letter, so my next action will depend on how he reacts to them.

[5518MilesApart]

Amen to the job hunting. I'm doing that currently too, and I still live at home with my parents. Glad your visit turned out good though.

Thank you, Honour. I hope your relationship with your parents is a good one. Mine, not so much, and so I guess I'd say it hits me pretty hard when he leaves.

[Honour]

Thank you, Honour. I hope your relationship with your parents is a good one. Mine, not so much, and so I guess I'd say it hits me pretty hard when he leaves.

I haven't met my SO yet, in the process of planning to go over there. My dad and I have a very strained relationship, my mum and I are the best of friends. Living at home is difficult sometimes, especially when my dad kicks off and makes my life miserable, but I've learned to ignore it most of the time. It bores me beyond anything else these days.