Do I just need to be patient or let go?

[Kbaker]

So I haven't ever been in a LDR like this. He set up a discord channel, because we are international, so this way we talk for free. We have been together for 9 months. We have not met in person yet. He is significantly younger, but it never seemed to matter. Everything was amazing at first. A month or so ago, he just seemed to grow a bit distant. I think it was my fault. I got really insecure a couple of times. Not about him, but about myself, because I just came out of a bad relationship before him. I would feel him pylling back and I would get upset and ask what was wrong. He used to be excited to talk to me, now we sit and he does his thing and I do mine and occasionally say something to each other. We used to skype, do netflix, listen to music together and play video games together. Now he doesn't want to do any of it. I really can't tell what's going on. He says he is just tired, but it just feels different. He is a blunt person. If he didn't want to be in the relationship, he would say so. I don't even know how to ask him anymore, cuz I'll cry and he'll shut down. He feels I get upset when there is really nothing wrong. I also am new to the area i live in, don't have any friends, and need a life outside of him and me. I think I am relying on him to be there too much, this is his first serious relationship, and he still says he loves me every day. I am sure I have baggage from my past relationship that I am trying so hard not to bring into this one. He told me he is here to stay numerous times. It's just the connection we have is strained right now and everything I do to try and bring us closer seems to backfire. Maybe he just needs space, but doesn't want to ask? I just don't know.

[Morwen]

Hi there
Do you have any plans to meet after 9 months?
Other than that, I think you're on the right track with this:

I also am new to the area i live in, don't have any friends, and need a life outside of him and me. I think I am relying on him to be there too much,

If you're not doing much of anything outside of each other, then maybe having no new things to share with each other is what is making the conversation less exciting these days. What does he do? Is he going out, and living a life outside of the relationship? Is that what is making you insecure?

[Kbaker]

He is supposed to be coming to meet me in the next two to three months. Saving money now.
He isn't reallygoing out much, just to work and visiting family...he made plans to go out with friends, but then canceled them.
I think the only thing making me insecure is that he seems less interested, but you probably hit the nail on the head. No new things to talk about together.

[Kbaker]

When you say on the right track you mean just be patient?

[Morwen]

When you say on the right track you mean just be patient?

I just think you're on the right track as to wherein the issue lies. If you're going to meet face-to-face in the next few months, I'd just be patient here if you can bring yourself to give the relationship a little more space without as you said above "getting really insecure," asking him what is wrong a bunch of times, or getting upset and crying to him. I say this to you as someone who has been where you are. Before my current relationship, I was in another LDR, also with someone significantly younger (5 years) than me. I also did the whole overly needy, not having a life outside of the relationship bit. After that ended (because of these same issues and more) I went to therapy, got myself straight. I really learned a lot from the experience and my current relationship is a lot better for it.