Confused..

[justinetaylor]

Hey y'all

I'm not really sure where to start so I'm going to just kinda dive in head first.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. I know that's not a very long time, but I'm head over heels for him and vice versa.
Its one of those things where you just know and it feels right.
He lives in my home town. I move to OKC in Oct for school and work.

We were originally planning on him moving here in March of next year after he hit two years at his current job. Well his job just offered to pay for training and certification that would allow him to job ridiculously far ahead in his field and would more than double his salary. Well, this certification is going to take over a year to get. Which means this could easily push us moving in together back over 6 months.

We only live 100 miles apart. About an hour and 45 minutes drive. We currently see each other every weekend, we switch off weekends driving to each others respective home. I am a student. I am looking for a new job that will work around my class schedule this fall. There is a good chance that I'll end up having to work weekends, so between that and schooll going to significantly cut down on the amount of time we get to see each other.

He has had a LDR fail before because of the distance and he's worried.
We just found out its going to be even longer than we thought before he can move here, and he's upset.

He keeps saying he doesn't wanna lose me and hopes I can wait for him..
I considered moving home and taking a year off of school, not only because of the problem we're facing but also because I'm a bit lost when it comes to my professional and scholarly life at them moment.

He keep saying he's worried I'm going to leave, like if the relationship fails its going to be all my fault....yet I'm not the one that's worried. I believe that we can make it through this..
I am 1000% invested in this relationship.
The fact that he seems to think that I'm the one that won't be able to handle it is very, very hurtful.
I don't know what to do.
I know its going to be hard. I am WELL aware of that. I believe that we'll be fine. But how am I going to stay positive when he seems to be blaming me?
How do I reassure him?
Am I crazy for being hurt by what he's said?

Please help. I don't know what to think..

[kittyxuchiha11]

First of all, as far as I can see reading this I don't think he's blaming you you're just seeing it that way. Think about it, he was in a ldr that failed because of the distance, probably to do with his partner not being able to take it, right? Once something happens once you worry about it happening again. before my current SO i was in a ldr with another girl in America and she got very down about the distance, and although i know my SO isn't my ex at all I sometimes find myself thinking well ex couldn't take it so SO must be really struggling too and I should always keep that in mind. You should sit him don and talk about it if it's really bothering you but try not be aggressive about it, say that you're doing okay and you two need to be there for each other so not to worry and if you get down about it you'll tell him and everything will be okay. He just sounds very very insecure and needs a lot of reassuring, if anything he sounds like he's the one struggling and just trying not to make it sound like he is.

How long are you going to be away for studying? Even if it is a few years why don't you just do those few years and then move back to where he is so he doesn't have to move. I understand that you don't want to be long distance any longer than you have to be but isn't it better for him to work on his career and you to work on your studies and then even if it is a few years down the line when you do move in together/move back home you'll both be in better places in life. Many people on here have been ld for years so of course its possible, but if you don't think that will work then fair enough.
Anyway, best of luck

[justinetaylor]

Maybe blaming is the wrong word. It just bothers me that he assumes I'm the one that's going to have the problem..
I know he's having a hard time. And I'm trying to be as encouraging and as positive as possible, but it's really hard when he is always negative.

He's working on his career. And I know that. I'm the one the encouraged him to do it, because it's important. I have another 4 years in school. Neither of us want to live in our home town so the best option would be for him to move here when he's done with the training.
It's just frustrating...
I thought about taking a year off of school and moving home because I'm having problems in school, but that seems counter productive..
I want this to work out. And I'm going to put my all into it. I just want to make sure he's going to as well