Money! How! Who! Etc

[sunnymess54]

I had a post yesterday about my upcoming trip and my SO just pretty much expecting me to cover all the travel expenses and hotel while he just covers food. All in all out of pocket I've put out close to $800 in comparison to his $230. We are left with his going home ticket and the fact that if I flip the bill on that another $310 I will literally only have $45 to my name until I get paid again. I asked him about just sending/depositing $100 because even with me still paying out $210 we will both still have about $200 to split on food. He flipped out which in turn pissed me off because I feel like the least he can do is pay that amount.

All this had made me wonder how other couples handle it. Do you pay? Does he pay? Do you split everything? If you pay, do you feel taken advantage of if he doesn't pay anything or if he/she is only able to pay very little in comparison to what you have paid out??

[Moon]

Since it looks like you're meeting in a neutral city, the ONLY fair way to do this is:
*You pay your airfare, he pays his
*You pay your other transportation costs, he pays his - in the event of a taxi, or shared ride, both the fare and tip are a 50/50 split
*When you go out to eat, you pay either 50/50, or calculate the check to pay your portion, he pays his. Split the tip 50/50
*You split the hotel costs, and any tips 50/50

Unless you make a lot more money, or agreed to other arrangements, this is the only way to split the costs. Why in the world are you allowing him to make you pay for most of this trip? Unless I've missed something, this is kind of ridiculous. Let him figure out his own way home, he's an adult, right? Why would you even consider paying any of it??

When I travel, I pay my airfare and he pays for everything once I'm there, including most of the costs of side-trips to other countries, when we take them. When he visits me, he pays his airfare, and I pay mostly everything during the visit. We never actually calculate the amount, but this works for us.

[snow]

I'm with moon on this. If you are not in your home cities, you guys should be covering your own expenses. Unless you make MUCH more money, you should not have to pay for his expenses. Seriously, don't be stupid about this - having 45$ to your name until you get paid again is a horrible idea. What if ANYTHING happens?

For us, the first time I flew over we shared expenses 50/50. The second time I paid for my plane ticket and he paid for everything we did while I was there - I paid about 1000 and stayed for 3 months, so I assume we were even. Third time the same thing, I stayed for 89 days, I paid my travel, he paid for my stay.

[sunnymess54]

Where I live everything is cheaper compared to where he lives it's twice as much money to live. So in the past when I went there I have paid my airfare as well as the hotel if we stayed in one and he'd pay for food.
I have never asks him to pay for my airfare or anything of that sort so I just find it stupid he just thinks I'll just do it.

Right now he isn't even talking to me and our trip is Thursday

When we started planning this trip it was agreed 50/50 well when I started booking things like the hotel they needed a credit card to hold the reservation so I gave them mine thinking he'd be uncomfortable giving that information out over the phone and well that's pretty much how everything else was paid as well figuring he'd give me some money toward the expenses... It didn't happen that way...he in turn paid our $200 cell phone bill (my share being only $89) and said he would buy all the food etc that came up while he was here...so I stupidly agreed... The issue is now I had a $3000 hospital bill come up and I dont have enough left for his ticket home and i Need him to either pay his ticket home or send me some towards it and he got aggervated when I even brought it up saying he offered to help, I said everything was set, therefore its my fault ...and he said he only said $230 for the food etc ...and that pissed me off more knowing we have been talking about this since April

[autumn1790]

Is there any huge expense he's facing that makes him unable to pay? That still wouldn't give him the right to be upset at you holding him accountable, but I'm just trying to understand if there's any rational reason for his irrationality. He needs to step up to the plate...you aren't responsible for his expenses if you previously agreed to go halfsies. I really hope he turns around so he doesn't ruin your trip...

[Rezie]

When we meet in neutral location we both pay our airfares and depending on the prices we split the hotel bill. In general we go 50/50 and one pays lunch then other pays dinner. It may not always be equal but close enough.

Example. We went to France. My airfare was 250e and his was 30e. So instead of splitting the hotel bill 50/50 he paid about 70%. I would have been ok with 50/50 but he insisted.

You have agreed on 50/50. So it should be 50/50. Did he actually say that he wants you to pay for his ticket back home? First rule of travel is that if you can't afford to pay your own way then don't travel. I don't really follow your mutual phone bill but maybe you could minus 100 dollars from his share of the trip as a nice gesture. It's his problem how he will get home. I guess if he can't figure it out then he will move there. What is his reasoning for having you pay more? The fact that he lives in more expensive city is no excuse.

[snow]

He is acting like a spoiled child. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own ticket. How dare he even give you an attitude when you want him to put some money towards the ticket. Things come up and you're short on money due to a bill, it happens! Life is not perfect and he needs to understand that not only did this happen, stuff like this might happen again.

[Moon]

Honestly, I can't believe you're even considering doing this Did I read on another thread that you also have a child to take care of? You can't afford to pay any of his expenses. Don't. No relationship is worth putting yourself into debt over, nor into financial distress. The fact that he's actually mad at you over this is very telling, imho, and if it were me, I'd cancel. Sorry, but I would. No self-respecting adult should be acting like your SO, he needs a reality check and a lesson on how to treat people. I'm sorry you're going through this, just remember that on here, we're non-biased third parties, going by what you're telling us. We see things through neutral eyes, you know?

[erwin1973]

I agree with all the above. If you can't pay your own travel, don't travel. Simple as that. When you decide to go Dutch, go Dutch. Says the Dutchman
He is acting in a way you expect from a 3 year old. Even my ladies daughter, who is 11 now, understands this is not the way to go.
You said he is not talking to you and you're leaving in two days? And what if he doesn't talk to you when you meet? Concider it...

[TaraMarie]

Honestly, I can't believe you're even considering doing this Did I read on another thread that you also have a child to take care of? You can't afford to pay any of his expenses. Don't. No relationship is worth putting yourself into debt over, nor into financial distress. The fact that he's actually mad at you over this is very telling, imho, and if it were me, I'd cancel. Sorry, but I would. No self-respecting adult should be acting like your SO, he needs a reality check and a lesson on how to treat people. I'm sorry you're going through this, just remember that on here, we're non-biased third parties, going by what you're telling us. We see things through neutral eyes, you know?

I would cancel.......however, I would be a little childish. I wouldn't TELL him that I canceled. I WOULD cancel the hotel room and everything else she's already paid for. Let him figure it out when he gets here.....

[snow]

I would cancel.......however, I would be a little childish. I wouldn't TELL him that I canceled. I WOULD cancel the hotel room and everything else she's already paid for. Let him figure it out when he gets here.....

That's mean lol
You don't want him to waste money either, but I would cancel and let him know. If he's not talking to me, then I'm not going through the trouble to see him, no way.

[erwin1973]

If he's not talking to me, then I'm not going through the trouble to see him, no way.

That is exactly what I meant to say.

[kittyo9]

Where I live everything is cheaper compared to where he lives it's twice as much money to live. So in the past when I went there I have paid my airfare as well as the hotel if we stayed in one and he'd pay for food.
I have never asks him to pay for my airfare or anything of that sort so I just find it stupid he just thinks I'll just do it.

Right now he isn't even talking to me and our trip is Thursday

When we started planning this trip it was agreed 50/50 well when I started booking things like the hotel they needed a credit card to hold the reservation so I gave them mine thinking he'd be uncomfortable giving that information out over the phone and well that's pretty much how everything else was paid as well figuring he'd give me some money toward the expenses... It didn't happen that way...he in turn paid our $200 cell phone bill (my share being only $89) and said he would buy all the food etc that came up while he was here...so I stupidly agreed... The issue is now I had a $3000 hospital bill come up and I dont have enough left for his ticket home and i Need him to either pay his ticket home or send me some towards it and he got aggervated when I even brought it up saying he offered to help, I said everything was set, therefore its my fault ...and he said he only said $230 for the food etc ...and that pissed me off more knowing we have been talking about this since April

Your posts together have me really worried about you Your SO is being unreasonable and I see you taking on more than you know you reasonably can or should. I think you have every right to be upset with him.

My SO has been unemployed for the past few months and I have a stable job, so it made sense when I offered to pay for the major expenses (hotel, my transportation) and he covered food and incidental costs during our trips. He still paid for his ticket when he came to see me in February and felt really bad that he couldn't contribute more when we met up in a third city. He will be paying for his own ticket when he comes to see me later this year. That's responsibility.

I'm aggravated with your SO for being aggravated! That's not right at all. What is his financial situation like?

[erwin1973]

What I am surprised about - and I may be completely wrong - is that OP doesn't respond at all at the moment. I wonder what's going on in her head, if she's going, what she will do. For some reason the 'off' from OP is worrying to me.
Again, I might be wrong (after all I'm only human LOL).

[Moon]

What I am surprised about - and I may be completely wrong - is that OP doesn't respond at all at the moment. I wonder what's going on in her head, if she's going, what she will do. For some reason the 'off' from OP is worrying to me.
Again, I might be wrong (after all I'm only human LOL).

She hasn't been signed in here since shortly after posting, so she hasn't even see the replies yet. I hope she does before she leaves for the trip.