Am I Stupid For Waiting?

[CakeEmpress]

Hey Guys!

*Sigh* I don't know what I want from you guys exactly. Maybe just another mini vent and validation. I hope you don't mind as I do feel like I'm repeating myself...
So, the guy I had been seriously speaking to recently dropped off the face of the earth. He has not been online AT ALL so I know he is not ignoring me (without ignoring everyone else he contacts using the internet). It's been three weeks and I still can't get him off of my mind and I have a weird feeling that something serious must have happened.

I feel a bit stupid for waiting because I would have moved on in any other situation (and have done so before) but then, I have also not been in touch with my other best friend for three weeks. I tried calling her yesterday (AGAIN) and her phone is switched off and she has not received any messages I sent to her. I can't help but lump "potential S.O" and my best friend in one basket. I do feel a bit silly at times...

It's his birthday in two weeks. I hope he gets back to me with a solid explanation...

Has anyone else been in this sort of situation before? I know that he is not everyone else, so I can hardly apply the same to him. I would just like a view from the outside.

Thank you all for your kind replies so far :3

[R&R]

Hey Guys!

*Sigh* I don't know what I want from you guys exactly. Maybe just another mini vent and validation. I hope you don't mind as I do feel like I'm repeating myself...
So, the guy I had been seriously speaking to recently dropped off the face of the earth. He has not been online AT ALL so I know he is not ignoring me (without ignoring everyone else he contacts using the internet). It's been three weeks and I still can't get him off of my mind and I have a weird feeling that something serious must have happened.

I feel a bit stupid for waiting because I would have moved on in any other situation (and have done so before) but then, I have also not been in touch with my other best friend for three weeks. I tried calling her yesterday (AGAIN) and her phone is switched off and she has not received any messages I sent to her. I can't help but lump "potential S.O" and my best friend in one basket. I do feel a bit silly at times...

It's his birthday in two weeks. I hope he gets back to me with a solid explanation...

Has anyone else been in this sort of situation before? I know that he is not everyone else, so I can hardly apply the same to him. I would just like a view from the outside.

Thank you all for your kind replies so far :3

I had that happen in a relationship, but he was military and with what he did, it was not unusual to disappear like that. Other than that, no, it would not be acceptable to me. People don't just fall off the face of the earth for weeks at a time without telling those they are close to or care about that they will not be available.

[erwin1973]

I have had such a situation...

A couple of years back I was in love with another lady from the Philippines (I don't know but that seems to be my destination). All was going very very well until they had a huge devestating hurricane pass by. I never heard anything from her again. It was hard te realize she probably was killed during that hurricane, like so many others.

Now this is a worst-case of course, but since his phone is off there are two possibilities... Either he has a different phone number or something serious is going on. Don't you have a back-door? I have the phone number of my ladies father, so if I don't get a reply, I can always contact him when nessecary.

Good luck.

[CakeEmpress]

I had that happen in a relationship, but he was military and with what he did, it was not unusual to disappear like that. Other than that, no, it would not be acceptable to me. People don't just fall off the face of the earth for weeks at a time without telling those they are close to or care about that they will not be available.

Thanks for your response! Yeah, I have been quick to judge someone in the past only for it to bite me when they reappeared (only once but yeah). The only reason I am putting up with this right now is because my best friend has also dropped off the face of the earth without ANY warning...

[CakeEmpress]

I have had such a situation...

A couple of years back I was in love with another lady from the Philippines (I don't know but that seems to be my destination). All was going very very well until they had a huge devestating hurricane pass by. I never heard anything from her again. It was hard te realize she probably was killed during that hurricane, like so many others.

Now this is a worst-case of course, but since his phone is off there are two possibilities... Either he has a different phone number or something serious is going on. Don't you have a back-door? I have the phone number of my ladies father, so if I don't get a reply, I can always contact him when nessecary.

Good luck.

He's in NYC so I doubt a hurricane has struck him :/ He could have another phone but he would have gotten in touch with me as we were somewhat mid-conversation. He has changed his phone in the past and got back in touch with me as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I don't have a back door. I have trust issues and have been working on that by not being too... overbearing if that makes sense. I can be a bit much if I don't reign myself in. Thank you for your response though and I am sorry about what happened in the past.

[Moon]

I wouldn't say you're stupid for waiting, but I do wonder how long you're willing to wait? I couldn't possibly hazard a guess at what's going on, there are so many scenarios, but if it were me, I'd give myself a deadline, and once that deadline passes, move on. Even if its hard, and even if you don't get any answers.

I HATE to ask, but this guy and your friend, they didn't know each other, did they?

[CakeEmpress]

I wouldn't say you're stupid for waiting, but I do wonder how long you're willing to wait? I couldn't possibly hazard a guess at what's going on, there are so many scenarios, but if it were me, I'd give myself a deadline, and once that deadline passes, move on. Even if its hard, and even if you don't get any answers.

I HATE to ask, but this guy and your friend, they didn't know each other, did they?

Hiya! Thank you for getting back to me! That's a good question. I don't know how much longer I SHOULD wait. I'm super patient but I realise that I'll need some sort of deadline. Mmm...I'm not sure. I'll need to think of a "reasonable" time to wait as you suggested.

Another good question! There is NO WAY that my guy and my best friend know each other so I'm not worried about the somewhat weird but similar coincidence.

[erwin1973]

I, for myself, do absolutely not believe in coincidence... It's strange that they disappear at the same time. People, especially in the US and U (as far as I do know) don't 'just' disappear...

Tnx for your kind words.

[CakeEmpress]

I, for myself, do absolutely not believe in coincidence... It's strange that they disappear at the same time. People, especially in the US and U (as far as I do know) don't 'just' disappear...

Tnx for your kind words.

It is weird and I can see what you're saying. Why I'm saying that there's no way that they know each other is because I have not spoken about her to him and vice versa. Also, I'm in the UK and he's in the US. We met online and were planning to meet in person at the end of August in the UK. I trust them that much, though crazier things have happened...

[Moon]

It is weird and I can see what you're saying. Why I'm saying that there's no way that they know each other is because I have not spoken about her to him and vice versa. Also, I'm in the UK and he's in the US. We met online and were planning to meet in person at the end of August in the UK. I trust them that much, though crazier things have happened...

That's really weird. Are you sure your devices/accounts are working correctly? Are you getting messages from other people in the apps you're using?

Also, is it possible he did something dumb, and got locked up? That can happen here in the US, and if he doesn't have the money for bail, he stays in jail until his hearing. I don't say that to upset you, but that's one of the only ways I can think of where he genuinely can't get in touch with you for so long. Just a thought.

[Moon]

In case you haven't thought about it, google his hometown and newspaper. Then search his name and the local paper's name, or his name in the paper's website. It's probably a longshot, but it can't hurt.

[CakeEmpress]

That's really weird. Are you sure your devices/accounts are working correctly? Are you getting messages from other people in the apps you're using?

Also, is it possible he did something dumb, and got locked up? That can happen here in the US, and if he doesn't have the money for bail, he stays in jail until his hearing. I don't say that to upset you, but that's one of the only ways I can think of where he genuinely can't get in touch with you for so long. Just a thought.

Yeah, that's what I was wondering but I've messaged other people from the app and unsintalled it and reinstalled it so I hope it's not from my end.

OH MY GOD, REALLY?!?! Well, he seemed really level headed to me, maybe a bit ditzy at times but not to get arrested. But then, you never know. I don't think he'd do anything stupid though. I do believe has a genuine reason for not getting in touch. It just sucks not knowing. I'll google what I can about him but I've not found anything so far. Thanks for the suggestions!

[R&R]

The thing is, this isn't the first time he's done this to you. Apparently, it's a pattern. That's why I said it's not acceptable behavior.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....To-Message-Him

[CakeEmpress]

The thing is, this isn't the first time he's done this to you. Apparently, it's a pattern. That's why I said it's not acceptable behavior.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....To-Message-Him

That post is from when he still had not responded. I don't know if I'm making sense. Today almost marks the third week of not hearing from him. I think I'll give it a bit more time and move on. I've been thinking of a reasonable deadline. I may be young and we did have an AMAZING connection but I won't wait around forever.

[autumn1790]

Is there anyone related to him on social media that you can message to just ask if he's okay? If they see it and don't respond, I would tend to take that as affirmation of his lessened interest, because I doubt any good friend/family member would not tell you what's going on if you asked as a friend who hasn't heard from him in three weeks. Just a suggestion, maybe you've already tried it and I missed it.