Different kind of romantic SO

[Mich0909]

Is it wrong to ask my SO flowers?

I asked him I think twice already but he says i wont be getting any if i asked for it.
Then he sends me some money and says you need this, you dont owe me anything but this is a gift instead of the flowers or the teddy.
I cant thank him enough for that. But sometimes I just want FLOWERS. just flowers, not money.

Ugh. I think I've read too many romance books and movies. #rant

[kittyxuchiha11]

Well depending on how far apart you guys live/different countries or not, sending flowers can be a pain in the ass. I like to get flowers for my SO for special occasions or just to cheer her up if she's goign through a hard time. The thing is, unless you actually buy flowers out of a super market and take them to your SO, it isn't cheap at all. I've found a website which does sales where the flowers come to about ($36) £28 every time and yeah that's a lot f money to say if i picked them up at a store i could get them for like a fiver. Reality is ordering flowers for someone and having to pay for the flowers and delivery and everything else it gets expensive. Although I buy my SO flowers all the time she's never bought me any because of the same reasons that they're expensive as hell and because of the currency exchange rate it makes them even more expensive. She has in fact just sent me money before and been like go get yourself some nice flowers and a gift because you buying it locally for yourself i way cheaper.

So maybe that's what you SO is trying to do here he's looked into how expensive it is and is giving you money to buy some for yourself. Something my SO and I have done before is she sent me a name of some flowers that she saw and thought i'd like them and i use her money she sent me to go buy that type of flowers and it's like she's bought them for me because it's her money and the flowers she thought i'd like. As great as the big grand gesture of sending someone flowers is, it is expensive as hell!

[erwin1973]

I agree it's very expensive. I have done it twice now to my lady. It's costed me both time over € 50.
The first time was when we realized we really did love each other, and the second time was (or course) on February 14. Next time will be around her birthday, witch will be also our anniversary (that is, the day before is our anniversary). So twice a year I think is quite enough. It's very expensive indeed.

[autumn1790]

I can definitely understand your desire for flowers for the sake of flowers...I've never gotten flowers from my SO even when we were in person, and it's something I kinda have a hankering for. His reason is that it's a senseless waste of flowers to kill them for our pleasure, which I get, but it totally disses the romantic part. Then again, flowers are not exactly inherently romantic...we simply have been brainwashed to believe that Person 1 must get Person 2 flowers to succinctly prove Person 1's affection for Person 2. In reality, that's not the case, so maybe this is something where brain has to prevail over heart.
It's not the same, but can you ask him to send you pictures of flowers? Pictures are the next best thing, except when they're of scrumptious-looking chocolate sent during a particularly fierce bout of PMS.

[Rezie]

So your SO randomly sends you money as a present? I'm sorry but I find this a bit odd...

Anyways, do you want him to send you flowers or when you meet up he would be behind the door with flowers? If he doesn't want to buy flowers then he shouldn't buy you flowers. You have expressed your desire and he recieved the information. Now it's upto him. You just have to accep it.

[differentcountries]

It is super expensive to send flowers, even nationally. Internationally I dont know, I have never had flowers sent across countries. I have gotten flowers from SO once, in person. Flowers he bought me, that is. He picks flowers to me all the time, but he is a thrifty country boy so he does measure like, what do you get out of what it costs etc. It is not exactly that he is stingy - I think actually he spends everything apart from debt and cost of living on our relationship (he payed for our nice hotel on the last visit). But he is constantly thinking about where things may lead. And I guess I am a bit of a spendthrift compared to SO, I also have more money, but I am trying to learn from him to suffice on less.

I know he never sends anyone things so I am not too hung up about not getting things (I dont send him as much either). I would have liked to get more flowers in person. But at the same time, his thriftiness is starting to grow on me, and I see to that his family dont expect much from daily living and they manage to save up to even build their house about twice its size, from a low income... Expenses add up easily. Some expenses are more necessary than others. I have been used to from previous lovers to get a constant array of flowers, chocolate and what not, but I like SOs way of thinking better. He is not just thinking about the now, but about the future and what kind of life we can have together, a future that can come closer the more careful we are with money. I may fantasize about some things, but I dont go around waiting for him to give me any specific. That's just setting myself up for resentment. I have to trust SO to want and be able to do things that I like and that are good for me.

Why does it matter so much that your SO should send you flowers in person? Is that the only way he can show you that he cares, so that you really feel it? I can understand that it is not the same to have him send you money and tell you to get something, I think that can be a nice gift from a relative but less a lover. Maybe if it is him picking out something that makes you feel loved, perhaps you can explain something to him about this. Not exactly the same, but when I buy something for us I sometimes send SO pics first because I value his opinion. If he got me money to buy something I def would have wanted him to pick out which things to get.

[Mich0909]

Yup. He is his own boss.

[snow]

It's not wrong to ask for what you want. Tell him that you want flowers, tell him you don't want them right now, but you want flowers. Tell him that this is important to you and while you appreciate the money, you want to feel pampered by small gifts.

[Mich0909]

It's not wrong to ask for what you want. Tell him that you want flowers, tell him you don't want them right now, but you want flowers. Tell him that this is important to you and while you appreciate the money, you want to feel pampered by small gifts.

Thank you. Thank you for getting what I mean.