Originally posted by snow
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Yes. He has. I trusted him fully up until he started lying about other things. -
What did he lie about? Were those white lies or was it about important things?Originally posted by truthisbetter View Post
All I'm trying to get at is, are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? Are you making it difficult to be honest with you?
I don't condone lying, but you have to look at why he lies. People lie for many different reasons. Some are just deceiving dishonest people, but some are just too scare to come out with the truth because they fear the reaction or fear an overreaction. You said he wants you to be calmer so he can be more honest.
Relationship began: 05/22/2012
First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
Married: 1/24/2015
Became Resident: 9/14/2015Comment
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Originally posted by snow View Post
He lied about his living situation, which I felt was big. I accepted that, and worked with it. I was disappointed that he felt like he couldn't tell me, but I was glad he was able to tell me. He apologized for it. I forgave him, and after that all was well until I started catching him in other lies. Also, he finally admitted the thing about his mother, once I made it clear to him that I want a relationship with her eventually if we're as serious as he says we are. I just don't want him to lie to me about bigger things anymore. My thought process has always been if they lie about small stuff, they are likely to lie about big things as well, and this has been from experience.Comment
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You might be very well right on the spot with that.Originally posted by truthisbetter View PostDistance means nothing when someone means everything.
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Exactly. A lot of people don't realize how lying can destroy relationships.Originally posted by erwin1973 View PostComment
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Update: I told him that I knew about the times he called his mom during the times he said he was scheduled to be at work. He said that he was afraid to tell me because he was worried that I may think he is a "mama's boy". I explained to him that when he lies about stuff, no matter the excuse, it could mess everything up, especially trust. He has been getting off work later and later and I felt like he's not being honest about when he gets off of work. I told him that if he wants me to be calm, he needs to "help me help him". We are supposed to be in this together and we cannot grow close if there is no honesty nor trust there. We shall see how things go.Comment
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Little white lies can quickly amount to be a whole lot of bigger and much worse lies. Hope things pan out okay.Comment
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He's not surprised but when he was here visiting last month, all I did was look at his phone log on his phone, and the times he called whoever he called and that's how I found out. I told him about it. We'll see where it goes from here. I told him that if he had just been honest with me about things in the beginning, I would not have felt the need to look through his phone. I just never told him that I look at it or noticed the times he has made calls during the time he was scheduled to be at work until sometime after he went back home, which was a couple of weeks ago. I told him the other day that I noticed that he made calls during times he was supposed to be at work, according to what he says. So it made me question what time he REALLY had to be at work, and if he was lying about when he was scheduled to be at work. Anyways, that's all I am going to say on it. It's time that we (him and I) move on and see what happens. He says he won't lie to me again. We shall find out the next time we see each other in person. If he erases stuff from his phone or stuff is missing, then I will have reason to still not trust what he says. Let's hope it doesn't turn out this way.Originally posted by hmrambling View PostLast edited by truthisbetter; July 19, 2017, 11:26 AM.Comment
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Does this mean that you plan to continue monitoring his phone usage and that he is aware that you fully intend to do so? It already sounds like there is no trust.Originally posted by truthisbetter View PostComment
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I think the quote was referring to whether he will lie to her again or not instead of whether she'll check phone again or not.Originally posted by hmrambling View PostComment
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I don't just go checking his phone usage. I checked that when he came to visit last. That's how i found out, but didn't say anything about checking it until I caught him in lies and that's when I decided to confront him and let him know I did check his phone. He even lied about what time he had to be at work, saying that he was getting some rest. I told him if that is all it was, he could have said that.I told him that if we cannot be honest with each other, then how can we grow together on a spiritual level or any other level that I want us to grow. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I made it clear to him that day that that cannot happen if all he does is tell lies, and I went even further to explain that his lies only scare me and make me feel unsafe. We shall see if I catch him in a lie in the future or next time he comes to visit. Lies that I have caught him in in the past did not take me looking through his phone. It was the inconsistencies from him that I paid attention to that exposed his lies. I don't understand why the person who has done the 'snooping' is the one being placed on 'trial' when it didn't start off that way UNTIL that person who ended up snooping was lied to to begin with. I guess the liar gets off scott free.Originally posted by hmrambling View PostComment
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Hello! I would like to offer a completely different piece of advice. I personally urge you to take the time and discuss what's going on between you two. Talk kindly and respectively about what's on your mind and heart. Even that means writing down your concerns. I urge you to allow him to talk about what he feels about this particular concern and attentively listen to him. No interrupting. No rude body language. I know you can do this!
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