He only wants to text..

[erwin1973]

Let's take this to a different level.

@Nmp: What do you really want in a relationship and do you think your current boyfriend can give you that?

[Nmp]

Like I said when things are good they are really good. And he can give me what I need in a relationship. I just feel really misunderstood right now

[erwin1973]

Like I said when things are good they are really good.

And like Kitty said... lot's of people in bad relationships say that. To convince themselves it's not all bad. Oh, and I have the experience in that. It took me 4 years to discover my last relationship in fact was bad. So I know what I'm talking about.

And he can give me what I need in a relationship.

Then, may be, we don't understand what you want to ask?

I just feel really misunderstood right now

By us or by him?

[Nmp]

I'm feeling misunderstood by you guys. I just asked advices and I feel like you all think I'm this crazy person who is in relationship with a criminal catfish and that the relationship is bad.
I know me, I know him, I know what I want. I don't put up with bs.
You all can agree that relationships aren't all unicorns and cotton candy. It's bad sometimes. And if you all say that it's not true then there's something wrong with your relationship if you don't have disagreements etc.

[erwin1973]

Be honest then, to us, and more so: to yourself...
You don't give a lot of information, when we ask you a question, you don't always answer that...
What is it you want? You want our opinion (we gave, 5 of us say we see red flags - you refuse to believe that)? Or do you want a specific answer?
We never said you're crazy, don't put words in our mouths. And you say you know him. We don't see that. We don't think that by only finding somebody's email address you can believe he's genuine. We don't feel he's really into you as he should be. We don't feel he is who he says he is. Of course the 5 of us can be wrong, but it's also possible the 5 of us are right.
We don't say we don't have disagreements, again: don't put words in our mouths...
So, be a good girl, read every question again, answer them (for yourself and honestly) and tell us: what do you want?
Do you want our opinion (you got that already) or do you want a specific answer? You're not going to get that. Sorry if I say so, but that's not how the world works. If you ask an opinion, you're getting our opinion.
For now, I leave it with this, because I too feel you're not taking me serious. So, not to be rude, but I think you have to experience yourself who is right and who is wrong. And yes, I hope for you that you are right. But to be honest, I don't think so.
Again, not to be rude, I'm just being honest and give you my opinion.

[Nmp]

Okay first of all, I'm not a girl. Don't assume..
your question earlier was that what I really want from relationship and is he able to give that.
I want to be accepted and understood. I'm transgender and I've been on many dates and no one who I've met can't make me feel even close to how he makes me feel.
Yes I'm happy with this relationship but the communication could have few more different ways, like using Skype video calls.

[Rezie]

My best friend has lived in several cities in South africa. Still lives there. She has all the social media accounts, we what's app video call and Skype and she posts pictures on social media all the time And is tagged in all sorts of pictures so everyone else does it aswell. So either your partner is overly careful or there is something else going on.

As for the question at hand. He wants to use kik and you want to talk via Skype. Would he be upto talking without video? Maybe share how you feel and try to compromise. Maybe one call per week. If you can't find a solution then maybe you need to think if this relationship is for you. Is your plan to keep this online or meet up in person?

[Nmp]

We are both saving money to meet as soon as possible. And his plan is to work so that he gets some money, finish his university studies, move to Europe or maybe even to the country where I live.
And I would like to first talk with video but without sound so that we type. Since my mother language isn't English and it might be overwhelming to me to call the first video call and try to speak English at the same time

[snow]

Don't trust that people are who they say they are unless you have video chatted with them.

Last week my co-worker told me that she found this great guy but he won't facetime with her. She knows his name, address and picture, but he simply won't facetime with her.
Come to find out, he is a scammer who pretends to be in the services to beg for money - but they don't do it for the first couple months, they will wait until you are hooked.


Don't misunderstand this forum - we are not saying your SO is a catfish, but we are here trying to protect you and show you that there are things that don't make a lot of sense and you could get hurt in the end.

[BellaDonna]

Is it possible that his caution is due, in part at least, to the fact that you are transgender? I don't mean that he has issue with it but could he be concerned that if it became known somehow that it could put him in some sort of danger? Some governments monitor the Internet very closely. My nephew lives in China and he is very careful about what he says when using any type of social media and even on the phone.

I had a friend that was Transgender and I know how hard life was for her, especially when it came to dating. I know how much she longed to find someone that accepted her for who she was, and wasn't attracted to her because of some warped sense of their own sexuality. I can certainly understand why, if he makes you feel loved and accepted, that you would want to hold on to this.

Have you tried just telling him how you feel? My SO and I have experienced a few bumps in the road because we've always been very honest with each other and that can be tough. It brings up buried emotions and vulnerabilities which can be tough to deal with; but, we always work through these moments and emerge stronger on the other side.

If you ever need someone to chat with, vent to, etc. I'm a very good listener. :-)

[Nmp]

Last week my co-worker told me that she found this great guy but he won't facetime with her. She knows his name, address and picture, but he simply won't facetime with her.
Come to find out, he is a scammer who pretends to be in the services to beg for money - but they don't do it for the first couple months, they will wait until you are hooked.

I won't never send money to someone who I haven't met and who I don't trust. I'm not that stupid

[Nmp]

Is it possible that his caution is due, in part at least, to the fact that you are transgender? I don't mean that he has issue with it but could he be concerned that if it became known somehow that it could put him in some sort of danger? Some governments monitor the Internet very closely. My nephew lives in China and he is very careful about what he says when using any type of social media and even on the phone.

If you ever need someone to chat with, vent to, etc. I'm a very good listener. :-)

Thanks. He has dated someone who was transgender and it wasn't ldr. And I don't think I'm the reason for the lack of social medias. But maybe it could be possible that he doesn't want have social medias so people don't found out about me and that way he could be in trouble if someone somehow finds out.
He said we could video chat on Friday, so we'll see

[Honour]

I hope for your sake things go well. Best of luck.

[BellaDonna]

I hope it works out for you, hun. :-)

[80anthea]

I didn't want to skype or video chat when we first got together and I was reluctant to send photos of myself. It was because I was extremely self conscious about how I looked and wasn't confident enough to show myself. We did voice calls though. It took a few months of us being together before I started letting my SO see me. In fact we didn't actually video call until we'd met in person, he had seen photos of me before we met.

Also, my SO doesn't have much in terms of social media. He has a Facebook account but he hardly uses it and he doesn't even use the name he goes by on it as he's a very private person who doesn't like the whole social media thing.

I guess what I'm saying is that there could be genuine reasons for everything but the only way you'll find this out is by both of you being honest with each other and communicating about your thoughts and feelings.