Official BF/GF relationship... but we haven't even met in person

[LMarsden]

Hello fellow LDR participators!!

So me and my boyfriend met in a political left forum and in around February, after a initially rocky start, we made it official April/May time. However I have NEVER met him. He lives in the States and I'm currently living in Australia (originally from UK.) We are Facebook friends, talk everyday and face time on the weekends. I love him to bits!

However sometimes when I'm asked about him, the age old "how did you guys meet" question comes up so I'll tell them and then they will respond "oh so you've met him? In person?" And at this point there's a bit of awkward silence and I explain we haven't met yet.. and I feel judged. I feel in that second I'm a helpless naiive little girl that fell in love with a stranger on the internet and is going to get hurt. I know this might not be the case but in my head they think I'm silly.

So I guess has anyone else felt that? How did you deal with it? Is it too soon to start calling eachother girlfriend and boyfriend? Should I still play the field?

HELP PLEASE!!

[Honour]

Lots of us met our SOs online and haven't met yet, or are due to meet soon, or actually met and are still going the distance. I'm the same, haven't met my SO yet despite over 2 years together, and we got together even quicker than you did with your SO (less than 2 weeks after "meeting" each other). Bottom line? It doesn't matter what people think. Forget their judgements. You don't have to listen to them, just block them out. Besides, LDRs are a lot more common than people realise. More and more people are committing to LDRs, so I don't think unless you meet anyone extremely close minded you're likely to get any iffy comments about being in one. Most people who I've told (and keep in mind you don't actually have to tell everyone you meet!) are more interested and curious than anything else, and I'm quite proud to say we're doing what we can to make it work despite the distance and obstacles that keep getting thrown our way. So, screw the haters, if you're happy that's all that matters :P

[LMarsden]

Thank you Honour! I honestly have days where I couldn't give a damn what anyone thinks. But sometimes my anxiety will get the best of me and I will read into a awkward pause or a weird look waaaaayyy too much!!

Thank you for the advice you are completely right! I'm also new to seeking advice columns and forums for LDR's but it's bringing me a lot of peace knowing a lot of people go through the same as me. Thank you for your feedback 😊

[erwin1973]

I agree with Honour. Lots of people don't understand (or don't want to understand) the basics of an LDR. They are of the opinion you have to meet someone in real life to fall in love. Well, I think there's a whole community here that disagrees with that statement.

And I agree again with Honour, you don't have to tell everybody (although I understand when you're happy you want to...). Don't let the judgement of others towards something they don't (want to) understand, undermine your happiness. You know what you know.

Oh, and I have been with my lady for almost a year now, we went official within 2 weeks. And it will close to 14 months before we first meet.

[Honour]

Thank you Honour! I honestly have days where I couldn't give a damn what anyone thinks. But sometimes my anxiety will get the best of me and I will read into a awkward pause or a weird look waaaaayyy too much!!

Anxiety sucks, but you mustn't let it control you. I think it gets easier over time... you get used to routine and the pros/cons of being in an LDR.

[kittyo9]

Absolutely agree with Honour-- it is very common for people to meet their SOs online and consider themselves "official" before meeting in person! I may have done it differently with my current SO this time around (we met online but waited until we met in person to make it official), but I have had LDRs in the past that were considered "official" before meeting in person.

Of course there are certain questions that can't quite be answered without meeting in person, but online relationships are also unique in that personality compatibility often comes first, before physical attraction, and it forces people to learn to communicate effectively early on, which is a very good skill to have in any relationship.

When I was dating my ex (before we met in person after 2 years), I would get questions about remaining faithful to one another and whether we knew we'd be physically attracted to one another. The fact is that you don't know for sure, but with things like video chatting and this trendy thing called "being a decent person" and "trusting one another," you can have a very happy and fulfilling relationship that isn't far from what things would be like if you were together irl. Have some patience when you get asked things like that-- it's hard for some people to grasp if they've never experienced it themselves. If you don't feel like answering, just say you're working on it.

[LMarsden]

Thank you erwin1973! You know exactly how to put a gals mind at rest!! The advice is very much appreciated!!

[LMarsden]

Thank you Kittyo9! This has helped a lot 😊

[MushuChicken]

Personally, and this is just me...I don't think I could or would refer to my guy as BF until we meet. With the exception of maybe in this forum or in my private thoughts, etc.

Without meeting...there is always that 5% chance that ours is one of those situations where the in-person chemistry just isn't there. Obviously, I'm hoping and praying that's not the case, but it would be humiliating to tell friends, family, co-workers and anyone who would listen about my great boyfriend, and have to come home with my tail between my leg, and hear a bunch of "I told you sos" from everybody.

So, for me, and again this is just me...I would rather just wait, that way we can confirm that everything is as I hope it is. Then, I can refer to him as my BF with a clear conscience and without worrying that things won't work out when we meet.

[LMarsden]

Thank you MushuChicken! All the best 😊

[rache82]

Lots of us met our SOs online and haven't met yet, or are due to meet soon, or actually met and are still going the distance. I'm the same, haven't met my SO yet despite over 2 years together, and we got together even quicker than you did with your SO (less than 2 weeks after "meeting" each other). Bottom line? It doesn't matter what people think. Forget their judgements. You don't have to listen to them, just block them out. Besides, LDRs are a lot more common than people realise. More and more people are committing to LDRs, so I don't think unless you meet anyone extremely close minded you're likely to get any iffy comments about being in one. Most people who I've told (and keep in mind you don't actually have to tell everyone you meet!) are more interested and curious than anything else, and I'm quite proud to say we're doing what we can to make it work despite the distance and obstacles that keep getting thrown our way. So, screw the haters, if you're happy that's all that matters :P

Yes, this, she took the words right out of my mouth, as the song goes. There is no right or wrong way of doing things.
Best of luck!

[BellaDonna]

I don't think there's much more that I can add as you've already received some excellent advice. My SO and I met online on a forum as well, we began communicating off the site on May 22 and we probably won't meet for the first time until late next year. It's hard sometimes and I haven't really shared much about him with anyone because I don't need the negative comments from people I care about. The world is a scary place so people are going to be skeptical and concerned for your safety as well. It's only natural. But when you love someone, sometimes you want to tell the world just how wonderful that person makes you feel. To not have someone to share that with or to confide in when you have doubts or fears or feel lonely...that can be really tough. The good news is you have a whole group of friends here that you can share things with, gain strength from, and lean on when you need to; and the bonus is that we all know exactly where you're coming from!

I'll just say this...this bunch doesn't mess around either! They aren't going to blow a bunch of smoke up yiur a$$ and pet the baby just to make you feel good. If you ask for their opinion or their advice, they'll give it to you and they'll shoot straight from the hip! So if you can handle folks being upfront and honest with you, then you'll find a good group of people willing to help you in any way that they can.

Hang in there, hold on to each other, and let your love for each other bring you the strength and the courage to see this through! It will be worth it, I promise!

[LMarsden]

Hello BellaDonna! Thank you for your advice! I know exactly how you feel. I've only just started being open about it with a best friend and my parents. All is good with them, sometimes they're worried but they know I'm happy so that comes first above anything! But I have been telling people who casually ask if I am single that I am in fact not.. and this is where the problem is 😂 but I guess if I'm gonna tell people I literally have to keep their negativity out of my head! Which I'm sure will come in time!

I know right! I was looking at other peoples threads and I have to say people are very honest and straight to the point and some people do not take it well! But the honesty here is appreciated! Not only is this my first LDR but my first EVER relationship! So I have absolutely no clue!! 😂 so I'm gonna take the advice from people who are a lot more experienced than I am! I can accept in life when I don't know the answers and am open to advice! Thank you very much!

[BellaDonna]

Ahhh...the thrill of your first love...there's nothing like it! Savor every moment, sweetie! :-)

[Jezna]

Hello,

I know exactly what you mean, if someone ask you about your relationship be confident and be honest of your answers. A lot of people would judge you and would not understand your situation. We've been there. I met my fiancé online. We've date online for like 15 months. Most of them people around us thought it's a big joke. But who cares? Most important thing is you love each other and you have goals together. This year Jan 2017 we met for the first time and next week I'm moving to his country and finally going to close the distance. Have faith, love and respect each other. Don't mind others ❤️