Hi, i am new to this group. I have been in a relationship with this guy since 7 months. Since the past few months we have been having a lot of issues in the relationship. We fight alot. He hasnt been giving me time. Probably 10-15minutes a day. We both are in a long distance so anyways communication is more important. But the fact that he isnt been able to manage to give me time makes me really sad and makes me feel lonely. I know he is very busy with his things, as in, he started his own business few months back and is expanding now. He had told me things will go back to normal after he opens another branch and even though that hasn't happened yet, i am not being able to control my emotions. I know for sure that he is not cheating on me as he actually doesn't get time for anything, even eating, he has been losing his health. The time he does get, i.e on Sunday night, he spends it with his family. I lash out on him and i know some of the things that i might be saying is wrong but i can't help it. And if i continue doing this he might break up with me, anyone would. I would really like if he talks to me and keeps me informed. He expects me to be understanding and supportive all the time but there are times when even i feel low and want him to be there for me. There is such a huge communication gap between us these days that i feel we are falling apart. What should i do? How do i deal with all these emotions? I feel really lonely these days..
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Hello there.
Firstly, I would like to welcome you to this group. As much as we'd like to find these kinds of places when we are all and well, I know many people come to the forums when they are looking for advice, as it seems to be your case. Welcome to the group, hope we can be of assistance while you navigate the ups and downs of being in a LDR. ^_^
I've totally been there before, times where he has been busier than I, or when I feel like we aren't communicating enough, if at all. I think a lot of us can say that it does happen.
You say he has opened up a business and is expanding it? That is a pretty momentous occasion in terms of business, it can mean a lot to small business owners.
Opening up a business, much more an expansion of it, can be very risky. He must be working very hard, and I know you have noticed it in his health, as you mentioned.
I know it is difficult, and it is not selfish at all to want time with him. At least a bit every day counts. You are absolutely right that communication is very important in a long distance relationship.
Maybe instead of lashing out, as difficult as it may be to refrain from doing, you can ask him to send you pictures of his everyday life. Or at least a good morning text so you know he is okay. Little things like that. Maybe he can leave some time on his day off, instead of spending it all with family? Also, I suggest that you get busy too! Do things you want to do or start hobbies if you have nothing keeping you busy right now. Sometimes that loneliness stems from what you aren't doing, as opposed as from what your significant other is doing. Get busy and you'll see the loneliness get easier to deal with. -
I beg to differ.Originally posted by icloudedthought View Post
You absolutely can help it. It's called learning self control. To be honest, I've been there--when my SO goes home, its like he disappears into a vacuum sometimes, and sometimes I get angry/frustrated/hurt/wanting to lash out on him. No one is perfect. But there needs to be a healthy outlet for frustration. Write it down in a journal, go for a run and let it all out, write a careful message to your SO that is not confrontational. Get involved in activities to divert your mind...read a theological dissertation.
Find out what works for you...I'm still working on figuring what works for me. Think of how you would feel if he lashed out at you instead of calmly sharing his feelings. Its tough to give and give and give, but relationships are not always 50/50...some days, they are 80/20. It will get better. And if it doesn't, you have the right to decide that it isn't for you anymore. You can do this!!!
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Hello.
Thank you so much for replying.
I have been very calm and supportive but the thing is sometimes like any human being even i lose my calm. Recently he asked me for a couple of days, i,e. 3-4 days so that he can catch up with work and then after he will be supportive. Now in that 3-4 days he will not be contacting me at all. I said it was okay but i dont know i keep wondering what is going wrong because even he knows that i have been supportive towards his work. Is it normal just to cut off for a few days because previously also i was not asking for alot, maybe 10-15 minutes a day which according to me was reasonable. So my question here is, is it okay not to talk for a couple of days? or will it have a bad impact on the relationship?Comment
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Hello.
Thank you so much for replying. I am trying to be very honest. But not being able to talk to him i'm not being able to concentrate on anything else. I know it sounds very childish. And if you could read my previous comment and give me your thoughts that would be great.
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Cutting contact like that is not common... I mean, in my case, the only reason that would happen is if he was visiting and his phone had to be turned off to conserve battery life or whatnot.Originally posted by icloudedthought View Post
You probably shouldn't have agreed to those terms if you weren't okay with them. If you are wondering why he wants this time away and what is wrong, the best thing you can do is to communicate it to him. Ask him those questions.
As for your end questions, it really depends on why and on the couple themselves. The impact it can have on a relationship varies, some couples are okay with it, some aren't.
In your case, I feel you didn't really state how you feel about the situation to him, and so maybe it will affect you both in the long run.
All you can do is communicate your concerns to your significant other.Comment
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He told me that he wants time to catch up with his work and that is why is asked for time till Monday.Comment
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Sounds odd to me. He can always find time to wish you a good night and a good morning. That takes 5 seconds a text. You're not going to tell me he can't spare 10 seconds a day for you?Originally posted by icloudedthought View Post
I am not a fan of breaks in a relationship, because in my opinion, they tend to turn out definite. Stop talking about a problem or shifting your focus away doesn't solve it.
And what when you live together? He won't be talking to you when he's busy with his work? Come home and ignore you? Think about that...Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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I'm planning to go see him day after. do you think it would be the right thing to do? I want to meet and talk and sort everything out.Comment
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Talking about it is always a good idea.Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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