How do you communicate with your SO in a LDR? My SO says all I do is ask hundreds of questions; but they aren't questions that question who he's with or anything jealous related); just things like how was your day, whose in that movie, are you working tomorrow etc...). He works in another state on a job and I have never been in a LDR so idk how to communicate with someone who doesn't share their feelings. It's very frustrating.
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I think there is no difference in how you should communicate in any relationship, either long or close distance. I happen to know people how never show their feelings (my father is one of them). No matter what you ask, he's always 'fine'.
There are lots of sites that can help you getting to know each other. Just google 'questions to ask in ldr' or something.
https://surviveldr.com/advice/50-que...le-should-ask/
That is just one example.
Communication is key. On the other hand, does he ask you questions like those? You can always return the question.
I do agree that for a successful relationship, you should know more about each other then where he works and what movies he likes...
And welcome.
Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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Thank you for your feedback. I feel like I was a bit vague... we've known eachother for 15 years, but just recently started dating. The questions I ask are to try and make conversation, so if he's watching a movie I'll ask whose in it or what it's about. With work, I ask questions so he knows I'm interested. Things to try and start a convo, but I get very little communication in return and he responds with "idk" a lot and then gets frustrated and says all I do is ask tons of questions. I ask questions to try and start a conversation (again the questions are never doubting his fidelity or trust) they are casual questions in hope of getting a convo started.
He keeps everything in when it comes to things he should communicate. We have very little issues when we are together, but when I have to go back to work and can't be there with him our communication, mainly on his part, becomes minimal. We Snapchat every day so it's not that I don't hear from him, but we haven't talked on the phone in 3 days. I feel like I'm compromising on so much while he's "fine".
Before you ask, yes I definitely share how all this makes me feel, but he's silent. When I try to explain my lack of experience with LDR and how we can make this better for both of us, he's silent. He says nothing. I can tell him what I need and he's silent. Or has a smart ass comment... let me stop my movie so I can answer allll of your questions, go.... But even then he's only making a statement so I'll shut down.
How do I communicate with someone who is not a communicator, without it coming across as questions.
For a normal person who understands dialog my "questions" wouldn't be perceived the way he's taking them, but I've tried to rephrase questions into statements, like... it's really nice today, no humidity (the heat and I don't get along) which should open up his response and share how the weather is where he's at, but instead I have to ask; is it riding (we have motorcycles) weather? I just don't know what he expects; I've even asked him as not to assume and I get "do whatever you want". When he responds like this I tell him he is who I want and we are what I want, so if he's needing reassurance, I've given it to him. If I just shut down and refrain from asking questions it'll make things worse. I've told him being in a LDR is an adjustment for me, LDR's are all he's done, so I ask him to show me how this works... what does he expect, when does he have time, when does he need his own time...... NOTHING, I GET NOTHING. 😢Last edited by T@2Dvet; August 28, 2017, 08:22 AM.Comment
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This sounds extremely frustrating...honestly, if you guys aren't compatible on the basic building block of an LDR, I'm not sure this can last forever.... Relationships should be give and take...he doesn't seem to be compromising for you on domething very important to you.
Question though...does he always respond like this? Like, when he's not busy? Some guys really need their man cave time to watch movies, etc. Are you giving him enough space so he doesn't feel smothered? I'm not saying you're not--I'm just asking. Have you guys set up times you're both available to talk without distractions?
If you continue to get nothing, I would say give nothing and move on. :/sigpicComment
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Thank you for your response. To answer your question; no, he doesn't always respond like that. Most of the time we are great and I honestly feel like he gets like this when the stress of work and other things begin to build. He doesn't have an outlet so he lets everything build up and I feel like it gets taken out on me, but I don't deserve that.
He's adjusting to night shift right now so he feels rushed with his schedule; sleeping, working... I don't doubt that's what he's doing. We haven't carved out date nights or just time to talk, but again how do you make "time to talk or spend with eachother" enjoyable with someone who doesn't communicate??
What can I do different to maybe curve the negative responses I receive.
If I give him "space" then he begins to wonder why I'm not texting or snapchatting him and as we all know the unknown can really do damage and he starts to make up stuff in his mind. I don't have any problem trusting him, so I don't let my head fill up with the what ifs, but he's very different in that aspect.
I don't want to walk away from us bc I feel like the things we deal with are manageable.Comment
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I'm no one to spread wisdom...sometimes my SO has days when he answers very little because he is doing his own thing or dealing with a bad mood. If I'm thinking logically, I tell him it sounds like he needs space so contact me when he's ready to talk. Has that kind of thing worked for you? It puts the ball in his court so he shouldn't (if he's thinking logically) have to wonder about why you aren't contacting him.sigpicComment
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Funny that people are so different. When I feel bad (and I am having a dip as deep as the Mariana Trench at the moment) I love to talk with my lady. It's the best part of my day. I'm sad for OP that her bf is not a little bit more like this.
I'm talking bad, just observing and sharing my own experience. I wish OP good luck in trying the advices as given above.
Distance means nothing when someone means everything.
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That's a good idea... when I feel like he's being short or frustrated with me I can try to tell him that I know he's stressed and I don't want to add to it so when he gets some time and wants to talk he can call or text.Comment
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Update us on the results!sigpicComment
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Will do; thanks for your feedback.Comment
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Honestly if someone did that to me, I would take that as a sign of disinterest. I know everyone expresses their love differently, but he isn't expressing his love for you at all. The smart remarks are unnecessary and sound pretty hurtful. In my experience all the guys who claimed to be bad texters, not phone people etc, didn't have different ways of expressing care, they just weren't interested. After the guys I encountered who acted indifferent, I wouldn't put up w/that behavior. That sounds really sad, as partners should be able to communicate. As I said, every guy who was interested in me, always made an effort to communicate. The guys who didn't (even one I dated for a little while LD), didn't really care about me. He could have intimacy issues as well, something you cannot fix, nor does this sound like it can work out as a LDR.Originally posted by T@2Dvet View PostLast edited by NewToLongDistance2016; August 29, 2017, 11:42 PM.Comment
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Thank you for sharing. I know everyone is different and communication is not everyone's strong suit, but you're right it's not okay to be treated like that.
I'm not convinced it's disinterested especially bc he doesn't act this way on a regular basis.
I do understand what you're saying in not accepting that type of behavior and need to do some thinking on how to approach the conversation. It's not always what is said, it's how it's said, and I want to be sure to get my point across.Comment
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Communicating needs in a relationship is important, but I noticed a lot times when I ask for something, the guy (whoever I was dating at the time), didn't do what I needed out of want, more like a chore for them. I have been there asking for more communication and he would do it, just for a short period of time. Tell him you don't appreciate the sarcasm and you are only doing this to be closer to him. If he doesn't find your needs important, that will indicate that you need to move on.Originally posted by T@2Dvet View PostComment
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