Need some advice

[Verloren88]

My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for almost a year. Here lately things have been really rough. He was supposed to visit this week but something came up and he was unable to make it. This is the second visit in a row that had to be cancelled last minute. We have not seen each other in 3 months. I have been having a particularly rough time over the past month, since his last planned visit did not work out. This visit not working just added insult to injury. I've literally been falling apart. Since he was not here as planned yesterday, my boyfriend decided to go into work. He worked all day long and did not communicate with me all day. When he got home last night I explained that him cutting off our communication during such an upsetting time was devestating to me. We talked things out, he assured me that he loved me and that he needed me in his life and promised to not cut communication in the future. He said he had not decided whether or not he would work today as well. I told him that I would really love to have time to talk and video chat with him today.

So fast forward to this morning...the first text I receive says he's at work. I got really upset. I was just hoping that he'd stay home so we could still spend our time with each other. He told me he would make time to talk to me whilr he's at work. And I told him that I didn't want his leftover time. I've expressed over and over here lately (not always in the best way) that I felt like I was not a priority because I feel like anything going on there always comes first. I feel like since our communication is through phone call, it always comes after any person that is present. Anyways he ended up calling me, he told didn't want to listen to me being ugly first thing in the morning and that not everything was always about me. Then he said we could try the conversation again later and he hung up.
** I waited all day and never heard from him. Finally right before bed I sent him a text apologizing for how I expressed my disappointment and ask if we could talk. No response. I called, no answer. Then one last text stating that we had agreed never to go to be upset (which we have) and that I didn't* feel like silence would do anything but destroy us, no answer. He has never ignored me like this before. There's been times he has for maybe an hour or so, and I generally freak out. I hate silence and he knows that. It tears me apart. But I gave him his space today, which I'm not normally good at. And now he won't even respond to me. What do I do? Does this mean that our relationship is over? We have worked through so many things and yeah its been rough lately but he is always the one saying that* he will not give up on us. He has always said he's going to tell me if he's done and if he doesn't tell me then to know that he loves me. But I feel like this is cruelty. He knows how bad his silence hurts me and he's ignoring me anyways. Honestly never expected him to do such a thing. We've* always been able to work things out. So do I keep trying to talk to him? Do I leave him alone? Assume that its over?

I'm so hurt and confused right now.

[Redheart14]

Give him some time (I know it's hard) but he'll get back to you when he's ready. In the meantime try keep yourself busy.

[Verloren88]

How much time? Day 2 and still not a word from him. I did slip up and send him a text just saying I am sorry and that I love him. Still nothing. I'm so confused because I feel like it's over but I don't understand why he won't tell me that. And if he really loves me why would he continue to hurt me by ignoring me?

[Lune]

Hi =)

First of all it would be helpful to think about why the meetups have been cancelled twice. Was what caused it something "simple" or another thing that could not be seen coming up? You don't have to tell all the details here, but it would give people more insight to answer and give you another point of view about it, it also is something to think about it for yourself. The reason is no valid one for you though like it seems.
The thing with work confuses me a bit. Does he have a job where he can go or not how he wishes? Because normally he would have taken free days to meet or? And if you have a day off you don't show up at work unless there is an urgent reason like someone is needed and there is a lack of people in a place or something.

I also read that he wanted to make time for you while at work but you refused that? Not feeling important enough is surely a thing that has to get solved but again, depending on what job you have there are times you cannot write or are called for work even if you have had free time. But saying no to a step he takes into a compromising direction is not the best way to deal with an issue. And if you said you did not want him writing while at work because you don't want to have the time he has left maybe he takes you by word, depending on what kind of guy he is and how he reacts on things.

Ignoring is not nice, especially not when you are not feeling well and need him by your side, too but if it's not typical for him to answer so rarely, maybe something happened for him as well and he tries to deal with it by focusing on work or something? Sometimes people don't realize how much they hurt because something lets them be too blind for it. But no one but you or him can tell what it could be.
A tough time doesn't have to mean to question the whole love in general either, even if the brain does that pretty fast.

I would see and wait if something comes from him. Do you have common friends maybe or something where you can see if he is active somewhere else or how he acts around? If not, he probably needs to be on his own in general right now and will talk when he is ready.

I hope you can solve it together

[Verloren88]

The missed visits were both unexpected and understandable. One he got sick, and the latest he was unable to get transportation.

As far as work goes, he went in voluntarily for a special event. And I do realize I didn't respond in the best manner. I responded out of a whole lot of stress and emotion. I have apologized, yesterday and today through a text. I do feel like he's hurt, and I think he may feel partially responsible for me being so down lately. I have really had a tough time with the distance, especially as of late, and he's always the optimistic one. Maybe I was just too negative and he couldn't take it anymore. I guess what I'm really struggling with is that if he's over the relationship why not say so? Or if he just needs space why not tell me? I have a hard time understanding how you can just ignore someone you love, especially knowing how much it hurts them.

And no to mutual friends...the most I knoe is that he's logged onto Facebook so i know he's alive.

[Lune]

Well, at least you know there that he didn't just change his mind but wanted to come and could not. That might have been as hard for him as it was for you. How many hours are between the places you live?

With work okay. If he went voluntarily it's different. Did you ask him why he went to work? Like did he say okay, I wanna go because I have nothing else to do or because he wants to attend the special event? Or did he say nothing at all to this?
And you might be right about him being just hurt now, too, what he kind of made clear in that call he gave you. This "It's not always about you" could be a sign too for something going on with him but he doesn't wanna talk about it because it would upset you even more so he chooses to get space and deal with it before it would escalate. That's only a theory but that's how some people are. You have apologized, now it's up to him what he does with it.

Stay strong =)

[Verloren88]

We're 8 hours apart. Travel is difficult because of our work schedules and that we both have kids.

As far as why he went to work, he told me he was trying to make the best of things and make some extra money. I guess our opinion of how to make the best of things are not the same. My hope was that we could make the best of things by still spending our time together, even if just by phone.

Anyhow he did finally text and say he would call this evening, so we shall see. I've got no idea what he's going to say, and I honestly don't have a lot to say at this point either. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

[Lune]

Mh 8 hours is some amount to deal with and also when you both have kids.

To making the best of things, well, making some extra money to have more to visit you finally for example is no bad thing either, is it? =)

Any good news from your evening, where he wanted to call? I hope you could talk about some things and deal with them ^^

[Verloren88]

We did talk things through. He said he was angry and didn't want to say something he'd regret. I was able to explain that ignoring me was even more hurtful, and he agreed that in the future he will ask for space if he needs it.

I'm still hurt but we're going to try and move forward. I do think it will take some time before I will feel I can trust him again.