When your SO doesn't include you in his future plans.

[Jsm92]

Hi friends!

So I've been with my long distance boyfriend for almost 2 years.
We've been traveling back and forth to see each other several times and we've always talked about wanting to close the distance in Scandinavia where I live. I haven't seen him since May but even 1-2 months ago he said he couldn't wait to get out of where he lives and we have to figure something out and he's so excited etc. I've been just as excited but maybe a bit more scared and rational as in like fuck it seems so hard but we'll figure it out soon.
Then today all of a sudden he sends me pictures of houses in his country saying he wants to build this from scratch with his uncle and live in the countryside (again in his country)and he's so excited to live there and have his very own house. Literally only saying 'I' 'me' 'mine' etc. So I tell him I would like there to be a 'we' in there somewhere. And he's like 'do you live Here? No. These are my plans I'm just sharing with you'.
So now I'm crying.. And he's just acting like nothing happened. I haven't said anything else but I wish he could see what it is he's actually saying. Seems like he can't. And I'm going to visit him in six weeks for 2 months.. so like.. Wtf? Any thoughts?
And talking to him won't help while we're not together it will end badly very quickly so I'm not gonna say anything right now..

Thanks 💕 hope to hear back!

[C.C.]

You do need to talk, though. Either just wait till you see him irl or try to talk about it now.

I agree that what he said sounded like he didn't include you in his plans and his response was a bit mean too. Maybe he wants his own house where he can go back to holidays or maybe he is thinking about you going there afterwards or maybe he really doesn't want to have a future with you. You can't tell without asking

Can you do it in a more diplomatic way? Like instead of arguing or confronting him about what he said and instead of focusing on how much it hurt you, ask what he thinks about his future in your country and with you and whether building the house will get in the way of your common plans.

[differentcountries]

"Then today all of a sudden he sends me pictures of houses in his country saying he wants to build this from scratch with his uncle and live in the countryside (again in his country) and he's so excited to live there and have his very own house. Literally only saying 'I' 'me' 'mine' etc. So I tell him I would like there to be a 'we' in there somewhere. And he's like 'do you live Here? No. These are my plans I'm just sharing with you'. "

I think this was just his way of finding a literally place of his own, somewhere he can feel that he belongs and that can secure him financially as he will pay on his own home. This also means that he has something to offer to you, when you come on visit, if you should decide to move, it can be something for him to keep as a summer home (or sell) if he should move to you etc. Because your plans that he should move to you are very loose - and the thing he was offered in his country is very concrete. I also live in Scandinavia (Norway) and I know that the foreign office is very positive to the people moving owning property in their own country - it means that they are not poor and that they have things going for them where they are. It makes it more plausible that if they move to another country, money is not the motivation, but that they found love.

On your long visit you will probably be able to talk more about how the next 2 years may proceed for you, and how it will be practically possible for the two of you to close the distance in either country. There are many things to consider...

My SO always talks about how "he" wants a special house etc. which is clearly in his country even if we have planned that he should move to us. I did not like the way he talked about it, but I understand after a while that this was his fantasy, something he had had for long but did not know if could ever happen. Now we have included this in "our" future talks (I have a flat in my country, and we could possably afford to buy a summer home in his country which could be something like he dreams of).

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Hi friends!

So I've been with my long distance boyfriend for almost 2 years.
We've been traveling back and forth to see each other several times and we've always talked about wanting to close the distance in Scandinavia where I live. I haven't seen him since May but even 1-2 months ago he said he couldn't wait to get out of where he lives and we have to figure something out and he's so excited etc. I've been just as excited but maybe a bit more scared and rational as in like fuck it seems so hard but we'll figure it out soon.
Then today all of a sudden he sends me pictures of houses in his country saying he wants to build this from scratch with his uncle and live in the countryside (again in his country)and he's so excited to live there and have his very own house. Literally only saying 'I' 'me' 'mine' etc. So I tell him I would like there to be a 'we' in there somewhere. And he's like 'do you live Here? No. These are my plans I'm just sharing with you'.
So now I'm crying.. And he's just acting like nothing happened. I haven't said anything else but I wish he could see what it is he's actually saying. Seems like he can't. And I'm going to visit him in six weeks for 2 months.. so like.. Wtf? Any thoughts?
And talking to him won't help while we're not together it will end badly very quickly so I'm not gonna say anything right now..

Thanks �� hope to hear back!

This would concern me as well. I can understand someone wanting there own place and stuff, but if she is in his life and they have a future, wouldn't he bring her there eventually?

Have you talked about marriage or moving on together? If this what ultimately want, you need to figure out w/him (not nag him) if he wants the same otherwise he I just wasting your time.