I'm poor, he's rich.

[Reyhoney]

I met him on tinder in March and we haven't met yet. We want to meet for the first time in the fall of this year. (he's from Sweden, I'm from the US)

Here's one of my MAIN problems, he's rich, he's got everything a man in his early 30es could ever need and have. I don't... I don't make much at all, even with my college degree, I barely make ends meet. He knows this. I've even told him exactly how much money I've in the bank cause I didn't want to hide this.

I don't know how to take it to the next level when I can't afford so much and it bothers me cause I feel stuck and that I would hold him back. We plan on traveling to another city to meet and I'm paying for my own plane ticket, but will stay with him in his hotel room. Should I offer to pay in half?

I know I'm overthinking it but I keep wondering that if we meet how I'll even afford the dates. He always talks about the fun things we would be doing and activities and I say nothing cause I keep wondering, well I may wipe my bank account clean if we did...

I don't know what to do.

[ThePhoenixRises]

Hello

I could have written this post myself I am not completely poor, but have been struggling recently due to job changes etc. My SO is definitely more wealthy, and can afford a lot more than me.

You have done the right thing by being honest with him about your financial status. That is all that I can really suggest - is to be honest with him, and if you cannot afford some dates, explain this to him beforehand. Living expenses/bills etc should always come first. What was his reaction to you telling him about your financial situation?

My SO had also talked about the things we would be doing together and in my head I would think - I can barely afford the plane ticket and the time off work. I have met my SO several times now and he has paid for a lot of the things we have done, as he knows my situation and that I can't afford such things. I have never asked him to - he has just done this. The alternative was less visits. He wanted to show me some different places and the only way we could afford to do this was if he paid. But it was never an expectation on my part for him to do it. To be honest, it still feels a bit strange having someone pay for me, as I have always been quite independent and paid my own way. But travelling back and forward to other countries is very expensive and will put a big hole in the savings - well it did for me.

I would suggest continuing to be upfront and honest with him, and have your first meeting and see how everything goes. At that time, if it looks like you will be having more visits and taking things further, then I would sit down with him and have an honest conversation about finances. You need to make it clear to him that you can't afford to wipe your bank account clean to do the fun things all the time. Many times, when my SO has visited me in my country, we have just taken some nice long hikes or drives and had a drink at the end in a cafe which hasn't cost much at all. Luckily for us we like to be outdoors and very often this is free, so it works for us and doesn't end up costing a lot of money. Sometimes we make our own picnic and take it with us when we go somewhere.

Can you afford to pay for the hotel? I agree with offering to pay half, however, you have already paid for a ticket to come to visit and also taking time off work to do so. In my opinion it isn't unreasonable for him to pay for the hotel, in this case. If you really can't afford the hotel, I would let him know and discuss what would be best.

What kinds of 'fun things' is he suggesting you do? Do you have similar interests and hobbies? There are a lot of options for spending some time together that don't cost as much money.

Good luck with your first visit!

[Reyhoney]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply and advice!

When I told him about the finances he understood (I'm a single mom so things have been tight) and he never really said anything else about it. So I assume he knows my situation cause I've tried to always be upfront. I sent him a gift once that he didn't know about and he was really happy but he said I don't know how I feel about you spending money on me.

I wouldn't really afford my own hotel room, especially after paying for the flight, well technically I could, but that would be reckless of me.

He likes to eat at really nice restaurants, and things like that, that I couldn't afford myself. He was mentioning how he went to a party with friends and bought them rounds of drinks and mentioned how expensive drinks are in Sweden and I joked and told him oh you're blowing up your first paycheck (he just started a new job) and he said hey, I've a very steep paycheck. Just all the stories that come up makes it seem like he can spend thousands in a month or two like it's nothing. He works very hard so I respect that, but it makes me feel like I can't really do much with him cause I can't do these things he does.

I've let guys pay for dates in the past, but I've always tried to pay for them when I can as well, and I guess I could just try to pay for the things I can afford when we do meet?