Contact has decreased.

[Reyhoney]

So I've noticed for the past two months or so that my BF hasn't been contacting me as much (we met online in March, but we haven't met yet).

I know he's busy with work and life and we've different time zones but sometimes a few days go by and I get just one short message. I've kinda brought it up a few times and he apologized and said he'll do better.

I'm at a point where if I bring it up again it'll be more like nagging and we'd both just get upset with each other.

Also he doesn't talk about meeting at all.. I've brought it up a few times and he just joked about it.

Should I just end it? At this point it doesn't feel worth it.

[Lune]

Hi ^^

Mh two months is a while when that happens on a regular basis in that period of time already. ~
When you brought it up, did you also ask him why it got so rare that he writes by himself, how he spends his time of the day otherwise and so on? I think it's okay not to write every single minute since you should be able to follow your own life a bit as well and keep it all balanced, but a short message every day about how you are doing, if special things happened or so just to know but also to support each other isn't too much.
That's why it would be interesting how he feels about that. Like if he misses writing, too or if he feels that he cares less by now. To know that would hurt, but you knew his point then at least instead of being in the floating space of uncertainty.

If you already think about just ending it all, a conversation about how you feel and he feels and how you match it together when you both still want it to work would at least bring clarity in the best case and make it better or if you get upset over each other you at least tried and quitting is very upsetting as well, so. I would recommend to tell him what is going on in your mind and heart without accusing him too much, but only tell so he knows and hopefully understands and to get his point of view, too. Also about the meeting. How tricky would it be for you? Have you many hours/miles difference?

Have a nice day and I hope you can solve it =)

[hmrambling]

Probably some clear communication will clear things up to see if the two of you are on the same page. Have you asked him directly if/when he wants to meet in person? If he continues to not express interest, will you be okay with that?

[MushuChicken]

So, I am going to give you a little bit reason to hope, and a little bit of reason to proceed with caution. I've been where you are, and am currently there, a bit. And, I want to stop you from making the same mistakes I made.

But, from everything I have read and watched and heard.....it all boils down to...a lot of the time guys come out like "balls of fire" (someone else's words, not mine) in the beginning, and then they taper off. I've read that this is absolutely normal. It doesn't ALWAYS happen, but it does happen a lot, and if it does happen, it doesn't mean it's a bad sign for the relationship. Now, the worst thing to do is to freak out or acknowledge it. Of course, I learned all this stuff after the fact, after the freak out, after I did pretty much everything they say not to do.

Now, word of warning. Sometimes a guy tapering off does mean he is losing interest. So, just because it is relatively normal, just because you shouldn't freak out about it....there is still a chance it is the worst case scenario.

And, it sucks that it could be one or the other- maybe it is just normal scaling back of communication....maybe it's lost interest...but it's so hard to know when to call it a day.

[Reyhoney]

Thank you everyone for your great replies!

So I brought it up yesterday but I was pretty emotional and I told him I wanted to end it, I do love him but I feel like he's not taking any real steps towards making this happen. He tried to call me but I didn't answer so he texted me, he said he was feeling torn cause he wants to keep talking and keep this but feels selfish if I don't want it, he said he doesn't want to hurt me even more if it doesn't workout down the road (I honestly hated that line, sounds kinda cheap and a cop out). He called again and I answered him cause I thought 6 months deserves at least one last call.

He admitted that it was his insecurity and non commitment about it is what's causing me to feel like there's something off, he said he still has the hope that it'll work, but worried about the distance cause he doesn't see himself moving to my country long term (I'm in the US, he's in Sweden) I have kids so unless my ex agrees, I can't just up and move. He said he does notice that I'm the one taking the big risk overall and if I do want to end, it wouldn't be him choosing it, but me choosing for him. We ended the call on good terms and some hope.

He called me today right after work for 2 hours and I appreciated him trying to make an effort but I'm still unsure where I stand with him.

We video chatted cause I felt like I had to see his face after all of this, just feel if its true or not. It was really nice, he was happy and smiling, he even kept blushing.

I feel like I love him, but I'm scared, I feel like he's also getting cold feet and I fear that he wouldn't be able to commit eventually? I know we need to meet SOON. Should I keep bringing it up?

Sorry for the lengthy reply!

[Lune]

It is great, that you got to talk and from what I read, it was no easy conversation, but the outcome and his reaction show, that his interest cannot be gone.
Sometimes people who have lost it just wait, til the other person quits, so they don't really have to take the blame, but also already ended it in their head as well, what caused that they don't put no effort in the contact anymore. So he could just have agreed to it all, let it happen and that would have been it.

But..he didn't. He reached out to you, when you didn't answer his call he took the next step and wrote you and also called again. And again. If he would not want it, I don't think that would have happened. So for now you brought it up, you both said how you feel about it and he also saw how serious you are with considering to end it, when nothing changes.
The thing with who can move or not is surely a topic between every long distance couple, but in my opinion 6 months without a single meeting is a bit short to already be able to say, that you can and want to give up all your life in your own country to make a new start somewhere else. Maybe it will change when you are together for a longer time, have met a couple of times as well and also have seen, how you keep up the communication.
That's why I would not bring it up again and wait instead if something moved in him and he talks more with you or replies, writes messages by himself and so on ^^

So what did he say about the meeting? Does he have the possibility to come for a trip to your place any time soon in a few months or so? If yes, have fun by planning that trip, seeing what you could or want to do and looking forward to it all =)

[Chris516]

So I've noticed for the past two months or so that my BF hasn't been contacting me as much (we met online in March, but we haven't met yet).

I know he's busy with work and life and we've different time zones but sometimes a few days go by and I get just one short message. I've kinda brought it up a few times and he apologized and said he'll do better.

I'm at a point where if I bring it up again it'll be more like nagging and we'd both just get upset with each other.

Also he doesn't talk about meeting at all.. I've brought it up a few times and he just joked about it.

Should I just end it? At this point it doesn't feel worth it.

Unless he is dead, or incapacitated. You are no longer a priority for him.

I know it sounds heartless of me, to put it that way. I have been there before, and I know how much it hurts.