No priority

[RosesinAmsterdam]

Hi guys!

I'm new at this forum and really happy to have found a page where we can all share our thoughts on our LDRs.

I am in love with a guy from Guatemala, we met during New Year's at a hostel and started dating mid January. From the first day I was completely blown away, I never met anyone like him. He is a guide, so had to leave Antigua all the time for travelling and guiding, so I decided to keep on travelling as well. We met every two weeks somewhere in Central America until I had to leave in April.
We decided to have a long distance relationship, he would come to me in August. That's where the drama started. Suddenly he had to work one month longer, then he needed to go to his family in LA, it took him eventually 4,5 months to come here instead of 3. BUT, finally, he was here, I thought.. After five days he left again, to see his child from a previous relationship in Denmark. Again, supposed to stay for 5 days, then 10 days, now two weeks.. He still did not come back, says he wants to be with me all the time, but his actions don't show it at all.

I know on one hand I should be grateful he came to visit me and he did have good reasons why it took longer for him to be here, but there always seem to be something more important and I don't feel priority at all. A good example is two days ago, when we were in a discussion about him staying longer again in Denmark (one week longer than he planned initially). I was upset, sad he wasn't with me. Two hours later, I see a picture of his best friend and him together in BELGIUM. Apparently he flew to Belgium for one night to be with his best friend, instead of flying to me.
He keeps on saying he loves me so much and wants to be with me, but his actions say otherwise..

Is there anyone who has experience with these type of situations? I keep telling myself he has difficulty opening up, is maybe too independent, or has been hurt too many times before, but it more and more just seems him not liking me enough to make the effort. I need some strength to either break up with him when he comes back to me, or find a way together with him to make it work, because this is an impossible situation when you don't feel loved the way you want to be.

I would love to hear from you guys.

[kittyo9]

...there always seem to be something more important and I don't feel priority at all.
...because this is an impossible situation when you don't feel loved the way you want to be.

Here is your answer. It must feel really terrible and I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, here's the deal: a relationship is a two-way street. If you don't feel like it's working for you, and if discussing it with your partner isn't leading to real, actionable solutions (this may involve reasonable compromises on your part as well as his), then this may not be the relationship for you.

I think it is fair for him to go see his friend, because he was probably seeing his friend just for a day and would rather spend a longer period of time with you. Friends don't stop existing when you get into a relationship! However, I also think it's reasonable to ask why your SO is okay with seeing his friend and not you.

While I don't think this is the case with your and your SO, I have been in a relationship where my SO at the time was telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me, but his actions stated the complete opposite. It turned out that he was seeing another person and had no intentions of staying with me; rather, he intended to use me and was too scared to break up with me. I should have trusted his actions over his words, and I will tell you to do the same.