Post Visit Depression?

[Pnbenn18]

I am 24, from WV & my boyfriend whom I met the summer of 2016 is from the U.K.. I met him while he was here with work and leaving him that time wasn't super hard because we had only known each other for 2 weeks, but we obviously continued to speak and shortly after became a couple. I went to the U.K. in May of this year for 2 weeks and leaving that time... let's just say I sat in an airport with a delayed flight for 5 hours sobbing, then another 7 hours actually on the plane.. still sobbing. Then sobbed every day for a good week after that, until he told me that he'd be coming in August for a month to be with me, I was fairly okay after that. Fast forward to now, I dropped him off at the airport yesterday (started crying Friday before he even left.) and I literally cannot stop. We have a good relationship, we communicate very effectively, we have plans for another visit in January. I'm not sure if it's just getting harder and harder to say goodbye even knowing it won't be forever, or if it's because he was actually here for the first time. I literally see him in every aspect of my everyday life now, not that I don't want to, its just hard when he's not physically here. I don't want to cry anymore. 😞 Can anyone share suggestions on how to handle? We speak everyday & he's video called 3 times today to make sure I'm alright (I'm not but.. yeah) we usually text most of the day, I just can't get out of this funk. 😞

[ThePhoenixRises]

My advice (having been there and done this myself) - is keep busy, keep busy, keep busy! It is really, really hard. The first time my guy left, I was so sad, I missed him terribly and I would get a knot in my chest and belly every time I thought of all the good times we had, especially in my house with all the reminders that just days before we ate together at this table, slept together in this bed, and all of the places in my city that we have visited together - visiting them alone after he left is always really hard for me initially. But life keeps going on and in a way these feelings aren't all bad - as it shows that your feelings are real and strong, which is important. The worst part was all of the couples around me who are living together or close to each other - they just do not understand how hard a LDR is, so it isn't as easy to talk to people about it. Try to treasure the memories of the visits, rather than focussing on the sadness after he goes. Yes - easier said than done - I know, because I have been there many times myself.

Are there any new hobbies that you could start doing during the week or the evenings? I find the weekends the hardest, but after each visit, the more secure you become in your relationship, it does get easier. Yes you will still miss him and the first few days after a visit always suck, but you will be more used to it, and more able to deal with it. Having the next visit planned is a really good way to get through this time - knowing that you are already able to count down the days until the next time you can be together. Keep a journal of the feelings, this might help. When I am feeling down after a visit, I go and buy a nice card to write to him - it usually takes about 2 weeks for the card to get to him, and knowing that I have sent something and that he will be happy when he receives it makes me feel happy too. Maybe send him a little gift in the mail. Sometimes when I am at places that we have been together before, such as a beach or something, I send a pic on Skype whilst I am there and tell him that I am having nice memories of being there with him. These are all little things - but they help.

[Reyhoney]

It seems like it’s one of the good working LDRs though! I mean you guys meet a really good amount of time and often and close together! That’s great! Most people on here can’t. So keep that in mind!

Also, is there any plans to move to the other person? Have you discussed that? Maybe it helps if you can visualize a plan?

Keep video chatting, to me that’s really the best way for me to feel connected to my guy, I adore him on phone calls, but nothing like seeing his face and eyes and smiles. Also maybe it helps if you send one another things in the mail. I sent a blanket to mine cause I wanted to be present in his house, I wanted him to have something physical of me with him.

I even got a sample of the perfume he uses because when I would smell it, I felt peace.

[Pnbenn18]

Thank you for your input! I did buy a notebook today and I've been writing some things, I plan to keep it for a while or until I run out of pages and then share it with him. The memories definitely are bittersweet. He says it helps him to go the places I go so that when he is not with me & I go to those places he can imagine where I am, after going to England that has helped me too! You are right though life does move forward whether we want it to or not, I spent so much time trying to STOP time while he was here. I've been told so many times today "he isn't dead, you'll see him again." No, he's not dead but this comes from people who will get to go home and snuggle their husbands/wives/bf/gfs. I'm just very all over the place at the moment, trying to find ANYTHING to make me feel better although I know I won't be this sad for long! I'm just not a person who handles emotions like this well after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship before my Henry. I need all the help I can get at the moment, so thank you for your suggestions!

[Pnbenn18]

Reyhoney, it is HARD, but only when we leave each other, thank you for saying that, we really do have a beautiful relationship! He's taught me more about loving and respecting myself from 3,500 miles away in one year than I could ever dream of teaching myself in my lifetime. Our longest stretch was 8 months after we first met up until May (his job is demanding and sends him away hint: it's the military, so LDR + Deployments where we are subjected to only communicating through emails every other day or sometimes once or twice a week= lots of tears & worry.)
Neither one of us can afford trips to England & the US every 3/4 months BUT we both work very hard to do it, sometimes months straight with no days off, the result is SO rewarding & it hurts my heart that some can't even do it once a year, I would die.

I would like to move by the end of 2018 to be with him steadily for a few years and he so badly wants that, we've just got to figure out how to get the ball rolling!

I completely agree on the video chatting though. I love those, he and his smile are two of my most favorite things! We do a thing every time we see each other where we wear a shirt to bed for a day or two & then spray it with each other's cologne/perfume and then we trade. His smell definitely gives me peace as well. I've never loved like I do now. I wish all people could find love like this, the world would be a happier place!

[ThePhoenixRises]

I've been told so many times today "he isn't dead, you'll see him again." No, he's not dead but this comes from people who will get to go home and snuggle their husbands/wives/bf/gfs.

I think this is one of the hardest battles for me - is when people say stuff like this. If they have never dealt with being in an LDR - they just do not have the understanding of what it is like. However, I also don't expect them to understand - but it is easier for me to just talk about my LDR with others who are in a similar situation - which is why this forum is great. I look at people who can go home to their partners every evening and sleep in a bed together every night and all I think is - wow you are so lucky. I would kill to be able to do this - but being around 15,000kms apart at this stage - I can't. It would be nice to be on the same continent as my guy, the same timezone - we are even in different hemispheres. It can be very frustrating. But it is what it is and I just have to keep going forward, one day at a time.

We are planning to close the distance mid-2018 so I can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it has been a difficult and sad road with some definite insecure moments on my side (and his too). It has already been two years so all up it will be three years - however there are people on this board with even longer distances and that have been doing it for longer than I. Everyone's situation is different but I think the one thing we can all agree on is that it is damn hard to miss someone so much Hang in there, the waiting will not last forever.

Edited to Add: You are right about the smile. Two years on - seeing his smile on video chat is still the single most wonderful thing for me. This is why it is worth it to go through this hell - that smile (and many other things of course ).

[erwin1973]

it hurts my heart that some can't even do it once a year, I would die.

There are people who are in an LDR for 2 years and yet have to meet. I'll be one of them next year. So you meeting twice a year is a privalige (how do I write that?). Keep in mind that every visit is a bunch of good memories, and every next visit is more of these good memories to be made.
I absolutely understand that him being in the military is extra hard and an extra worry.
Keep strong, people above have given you wonderful advice.

[Pnbenn18]

I'm quite glad to have found this site, although now feeling a bit douchey because I didn't not take the time to think about the facts in depth that, there are people farther away from each other than we are from each other, and there are people that have complete opposite time zones. I'm very lucky to only have him 5 hours ahead of me so by the time his work day has ended, ive normally just woken up and can receive adequate attention. I'm very fortunate. All in all though, no matter the situation details are you are right, it does suck to miss someone so much. It's like mourning almost even though they are alive and they are yours. I thank you and the other replies, I have wanted to cry today many times but it is now 3:15 in the afternoon and I have made it through most of my day without tears thanks to the people here and my wonderful boyfriend.

[erwin1973]

I'm quite glad to have found this site, although now feeling a bit douchey because I didn't not take the time to think about the facts in depth that, there are people farther away from each other than we are from each other, and there are people that have complete opposite time zones. I'm very lucky to only have him 5 hours ahead of me so by the time his work day has ended, ive normally just woken up and can receive adequate attention. I'm very fortunate. All in all though, no matter the situation details are you are right, it does suck to miss someone so much. It's like mourning almost even though they are alive and they are yours. I thank you and the other replies, I have wanted to cry today many times but it is now 3:15 in the afternoon and I have made it through most of my day without tears thanks to the people here and my wonderful boyfriend.

Well, that's what the forum is for, right? At least partly. To help you out, make you see things you didn't think of. But of course also for the good stories. Anyway, keep strong and keep busy, that's all you can to until the next visit. And look forward to it.

[Redheart14]

Focus on the positives no matter how small. Use this site to seek support, it's so helpful