Looking for some advice and support..

[Nullix3]

Okay. Hello everyone.
Im new here so I dont really know, how to put this. My boyfriend (25) lives in Turkey and I live in Germany (20). We've been together for almost half of a year now. Skyping daily and texting as much as we can. We're desperately trying to figure a way on how to actually meet up. He is studying at a university and I am still doing my apprenticeship, so were both financially weak. He won't get a visa to the Schengen area, because he would need so much money on his account, which he simply doesnt have. I offered to take a second job, since his university hours are kinda awkward, but he declined, saying that he doesn't want my money and will try to wash dishes in his free time. I saved up money to visit him, but here is where it gets tricky. The situation in turkey has not been the greatest recently and i cant get my parents to let me go. Theyre not accepting my relationship (i still have to live at home, because i have no way of affording a flat). Theyre calling my boyfriend a terrorist and ISIS supporter or potential mass rapist, even though hes not even a believing muslim. I dont know how to adress this topic anymore. My boyfriend offered to talk directly to them and reassure them, that i am safe with him, but they declined. Theyre so narrow minded and i really dont know what to do. Theyre also saying like: if he really loves you he will come to you...
But until he has saved 3000 liras might pass another year and even then its not assured, he will have the visa granted...we agreed that if it really wont work out at the moment we will wait, but i think everyone here knows how hard it is to wait.
I payed 250€ for the flight tickets and i cant get the money back unfortunately.
Im just wondering if anyone has advice for me on how to talk to this with my parents and make them accept my relationship.

Thank you in advance!

Danielle

[Lune]

Huhu =)

I just read about your situation and it's really tricky when you still live at home and your parents can take influence on your actions or at least more than when you would live alone. They also have some point with the difficult situation in Turkey and are probably scared about it, but calling your boyfriend names while refusing to even try to talk to him and to meet him, is unfair of them. Are they critical about Muslim people or countries in general? Because then it could explain that they react even more extreme to this topic.

But the thing is, that you are already an adult as well and earn your own money, so you are independent in that case and it's your decision what you do and decide. Their point of him coming when he really loves you is really weak, too. And it won't change 'til they see that they are wrong probably. Not only with your relationship not being how they see it but also with showing them that they can care about you like most parents do for their kids and it's hard to letting go and accepting them get more independent, but that's what they have to do and sometimes it only works when you do something and how it works out shows them another side of it all.

How much do they know about your boyfriend? Maybe it could also help to just mention some nice conversation you have now and then or other positive things so they see how happy he makes you =)

Have a nice evening and I hope you can figure it out somehow ^^
Also some waves from the same country ^^

[HeartAbroad]

I'm sorry you're going through all this . I have to say your story has a few elements in common with mine. I am an American and my girlfriend lives in Serbia. Due to all of the slanted news and biased information during the fall of Yugoslavia and shortly after, and some Hollywood artistic license in movies, my parents were horrified at the thought of me visiting Serbia. She ended up talking to all of my friends first to let them know that she was a good person and after telling my parents parts of our conversations that showed how sweet and funny she is, they finally agreed to talk to her. So telling your parents about some really meaningful bits of conversation may help.
The second part that's similar is the money situation. You have to trust that your boyfriend will do everything he can to save the money to come and see you and you've gotta be patient (even if this means two or three years). I'm learning to do this right now because I want to send my gf a plane ticket but she refuses to accept it because of how much the ticket will cost.
The Difference: I live on my own and I was able to visit her in August.
You've got several options:
1.) Take that second job so that you can save up for a flat of your own.
2.) Convince your parents to converse with him.
3.) Let him come to you (I understand this is difficult because of the visa, I'm worried about that part of my gf visiting too).
4.)Start building a life for yourself

The most important thing is to have patience and take things one day at a time. Enjoy each moment rather than worry your days away with the "how" and "why".

Best wishes,
AHeartAbroad

[sophieeatonlees24]

Hi, my boyfriend lives in Egypt, I see him every 3 months, until I move there which I will be in the next 2 years..... Thankfully my mom is fine with it, but on the other hand I'm an adult so she would have no option haha, I feel like you are also an adult so should be making your own decisions and choices especially when it involves love... Life is too short to be missing out on these opportunities and your parents are very wrong for judging before meeting him and stopping you from seeing where this could go? Hope you sort things out I really do, no one should be kept away from love, jump on that plane, enjoy your life and deal with the consequences when you arrive home 😘 Xx

[Reyhoney]

This won’t be solved with one or two talks with your parents that probably involves yelling. I would sit them down and have them look at his Facebook, his Instagram, maybe sensible emails he’s sent you. They don’t know him, it’s normal to have fears even though they’re irrational. You don’t want to distance your parents (please don’t, if anything goes sour with him, you still want them there for you.)

Also do try to convince them to talk or Skype with him. Maybe you all could go see him in Turkey? Make it a family trip? Or meet in a neutral country?

[differentcountries]

Where in Turkey does he live? The danger is less in the costal areas. Most of the terrorism is in Ankara, Istanbul, the kurdish north east and along the Syrian border.

When I visited my SOs family (they live in the very town that people use to get smuggled into Syria), it was a bit dangerous. But when I visit him in the coastal town where he works, I have zero worries.

Your parents saying that if he loves you he should come to you, is not only judgemental but also shows lack of understanding about international visa laws. My SO used to have a kind of German girlfriend/lover, and she had to qualify for him to come to her. I dont think that, earning little, you will be able to do that for your own SO. But for you to travel to Turkey is very easy to get a visa.

When does your apprenticeship end? Are you able to get a properly payed job after this?

I dont know how you can talk to your parents, but since you are an adult, you can choose to move out (even into a tiny place of your own or with friends) and make your own decitions with your own money.