Saying awkward things all the time...

[maielle]

I can't help myself. Sometimes when I open my mouth, the most awkward things come out. Sometimes it's totally inappropriate, sometimes it sounds incredibly racist (even though I'm hardly racist! I have so many friends from all over the world) and sometimes I manage to insult my SO. And I never mean to say anything bad. It just comes out so wrong.

I knew it was a small problem before (sometimes someone didn't get my point at all and would think I'm a rude person) but now I seem to say things like that to my SO almost every day. And I can't stop it.

I'm getting to worry that this'll affect our relationship. He tries to reassure me that this kind of small things are not a big issue. And I feel alright... until the next time I blurt something totally wrong out of my mouth. I'm afraid this will become an issue if I can't stop it.

Last night I managed to insult his mother... and I was supposed to make a joke. Which turned out to be really bad insult. And I understood what I had said exactly when it came out of my mouth.

Do you have any advice?

[LadyMarchHare]

Do these things happen without provocation or are they when you're a bit nervous/hyped up/whatever? I have a tendency to blurt out things on occasion without really thinking but it's never been a huge problem, my bigger problem is my sarcasm and dry humor.

Basically the best I can think for now is to figure out if certain situations trigger it or if it's a matter of the tongue and mind not seeing eye to eye. If it doesn't bother your SO too much then I can't see it being that huge of a problem to warrant immediate ceasing and desisting. Maybe you need to work on thinking more before you talk, even if it means you go quiet for a bit? Just a matter of gaining control over what you say and how you say it, but keep in mind you can't keep your words from offending everyone all the time or from someone misinterpreting what you say or how you've said it.

[maielle]

Do these things happen without provocation or are they when you're a bit nervous/hyped up/whatever?

Just completely out of the blue. We're talking about something normal and suddenly I say something which comes out really wrong. I intend to be funny, normal, helpful.. and I say something insulting, racist or rude. Ah. So annoying...

I used to be a bit rude because I didn't realize it. I would talk on top of some people and in a group of new people I would ignore some people because I found it hard to communicate with that many new faces at the same time. So those who I ignored of course didn't like it. But then I saw this two or three years ago and fixed it.

Maybe you need to work on thinking more before you talk, even if it means you go quiet for a bit? Just a matter of gaining control over what you say and how you say it, but keep in mind you can't keep your words from offending everyone all the time or from someone misinterpreting what you say or how you've said it.

Yup. I totally need to do that. Think before talk. I just wish it was more easy. I'm the type of person that talks and talks and talks when the topic is exciting. If anyone knows a way to practice this I would appreciate.

And I guess you're right. People can get offended from the sillies things. And I can't really help that. I just take all this so seriously... *sigh*.

I guess one of the things that's really bugging me is not this things with my SO. Even though I'm also concerned of that. It's about something that happened to me more than 6 months ago. A friend of a friend (who was a big (as in tall and muscular) man who I didn't know too well. We'd maybe talked about something casually once) came up to me once in a bar and said I was a rude person. Then he made me apologize. And I was really afraid and thinking what on earth I could have said especially when I had talked to him only once before. And I got totally upset from that (and I did something pretty stupid later that night... because of being so upset). Later, it turned out I had apparently said something rude to some of his friends. This incident is still in the back of my head. Somehow I haven't been able to get rid of the thought that I am a rude person. And I guess I'll never find out what rude I had said... This all is just really bugging me. *sigh*

[LadyMarchHare]

Well the way I see it, you're only a rude person if you intend for your words or actions to be rude. You don't intend them to be, so you aren't.

From that though it just sounds like you have a communication problem, whether it's you didn't learn a certain way to talk or you just tend to zone out when in a lively social situation. Have you tried reading some communication/manners books and see if anything in there might be helpful?

[maielle]

Well the way I see it, you're only a rude person if you intend for your words or actions to be rude. You don't intend them to be, so you aren't.

From that though it just sounds like you have a communication problem, whether it's you didn't learn a certain way to talk or you just tend to zone out when in a lively social situation. Have you tried reading some communication/manners books and see if anything in there might be helpful?

That's a very good idea! How didn't I think of that myself? :P I always read books. And recently I've been reading books about social studies. One of them even touched the subject but yet I didn't see the obvious solution. I'll just do that.

Thanks!