help

[lost123]

Okay where should I start first off I don't even know if I'm in the correct area for this post.... me and my girlfriend met 1 months shy of two years ago... It started out as us having a very good time on a video game and one thing led to another and it became serious now I guess for the tricky part I came from a very bad relationship where I was cheated on and lied to constantly.... I struggled with my new girlfriend the one I'm talking about now for about 11 months over the fact that she had a guy best friend and used to go to his house two times a week for the entire 11 months the entire time telling me that nothing was going on between them too and that they were just friends.... eventually she gave in and stopped going to his house and told me that she dropped complete contact with him... Now granted to say may 2017 I finally moved a thousand miles away to live with my now girlfriend.... I mean everything was going great until about 2 months ago when I realized that this guy was still contacting her but he was hiding it and only doing so while she was at work so I didn't know anything about it.... when I confronted her about this she told me to mind my own business and she will do as she pleases and she went on to let me know that her and him have and had been having sex for the 11 months I was not here even though she said that they were just friends... Now don't get me wrong we were obviously in a relationship in each other's eyes and in a way I believe the next statement that she told me... With long distance relationships you never really know if the other person is going to break down and make the jump or if you're wasting your time... So that is why she was sleeping with another man she tells me and I do believe her that once she knew in her heart that I was hers and she was mine she stopped completely.... Do I trust her that this is never going to happen again? She is refusing to stop talking to this friend and he is refusing to stop talking to her... Should this worry me? Is there any hope for us to remain in this relationship with all the fighting and bickering over a man who did sleep with my girlfriend in my eyes but she doesn't feel that she cheated??? Any insight that you can help me with will be greatly appreciated this woman is the most amazing woman that I've ever met in my life and I don't want to lose her over my insecurities if I'm wrong

[Allurial]

To me if she slept with someone while you were dating even though you weren't physically there - it's cheating. Unless otherwise stated that you had an open relationship, but she still lied to you about him and said they were just friends. I mean I guess you can have 'relations' with just friends but many people would specify at that time that that was the purpose of the friendship. Honestly I'd get out real quick.

[Rezie]

just no. Being in an LDR doesn’t automatically mean you are in an open relationship. If you have agreed on a relationship in our society it’s ok to assume monogamy and open relationship is separately agreed. Not knowing when distance is closed doesn’t mean you just sleep with others. She clearly didn’t have faith in your relationship. I can admire her how in her mind she didn’t cheat. WOuldn’t it be amazing to do wrong and not having to feel bad about it?

It all comes down to if you understand her view and are willing to understand that in her mind relationships are “out of sight, out of mind”