Is this a red flag?

[Reyhoney]

So I’m meeting the guy I’ve been talking to for 6 months early November, we both haven’t booked tickets yet but been working on it. He’s been saying he’d tell his boss for a week now, still hasn’t.

I know his family and friends know of me, but he rarely discusses me with them cause “nothings happened yet.” so I asked him if he’s told them he’s coming to see me and he said no, or “not yet”. I said well won’t they wonder where you disappeared to for a week?

He said he’s just worried about what they’ll think or say thinking this isn’t real or serious and judge him or whatever, and then he said well even if we don’t get along worst case scenario it would be a vacation for me!

I understand that he’s already trying to cut his losses and think of worst case scenarios, but what if it’s more than this, and he’s just coming to see me thinking oh just a fun vacation time for me where I’d probably get laid?

Am I just overreacting?

[Rezie]

I can actually understand him. I'm the same. people have so negative view on LDR especially nevermets. its exhausting to defend yourself and much easier to not talk about it. I'm also one to think of worst case scenario since being prepared is easier. it's nervewrecking to meet someone and I get comfort from not having expectations. and also...would it be the worse thing if it turned out to be having fun and getting laid? i doubt it is that since it's easier and cheaper to find someone to sleep with locally that have the trouble of talking for 6 months

I think you shkuld.just relax and have the meeting. don't worry about him not talking to people once you have met it's easier to do plans. It becomes reality.

[ThePhoenixRises]

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Not a single soul knew that my guy was coming to visit me (on the first visit). Not even my closest friend or family members. The reason? I wanted to see how everything worked out before I told them everything. They did know that he existed and that I was talking to him but none of them knew anything else. I guess it was more to protect myself in case it didn't work out - people already tend to have negative views of LDRs and I really didn't want to reinforce this negative view by telling everyone I was going to meet him and it not working out.

I would be more concerned that he hasn't yet told his boss about a trip he wants to take next month and that tickets are not booked. Has he told you when he will organise this or is it still up in the air?

[Reyhoney]

I guess it bugged me cause he said one of his buddies gf was bringing a friend of hers to their movie night to hook him up on a blind date and he said oh I don’t have much say in it, they don’t even tell me beforehand. Movie night was cancelled thankfully, but I told him if we are going to meet in a month or so, you need to stay loyal at least until we meet. Not asking for him to commit for good, but that is just absurd.

Yea about the boss thing, last week he was traveling and just got back on Tuesday, and everytime I asked my guy if he talked to his boss yet he’d say oh he was busy in meetings, and today he had the day off.

I’m trying my best to believe him and not doubt him, he was checking out flights with me on the phone and hotels and asked me where I’d like to stay and so on... he said he’ll talk to him on Monday, if he doesn’t then I’ll start thinking he’s just stalling.

Luckily he’s called me every single day this week, and video chatted. Something he hasn’t done in a while, to be this consistent with it.

[Redheart14]

My SO drove 2800 kms to see me. He told his family he was going on a road trip. I get that, if things didn't work out between us it'd would've been awkward saying he drove all that way for a girl but it didn't work out. So I understand that.

[Reyhoney]

I’m just going to do my best to push through whatever comes our way and try to check my fears at the door, until we meet. I know he’s said he’s nervous about meeting and he has fears that I wouldn't like him or the chemistry wouldn’t be there and I don’t want to scare either me or him...

I do understand maybe he’s not sharing with friends cause he doesn’t want them to get to his head, which in this case I support.

[Reyhoney]

Is it normal that I keep getting cold feet about it? Like in a way I’m relieved that neither of us booked tickets yet. Part of me want to say let’s not meet.

[erwin1973]

What's the purpose of being in an LDR when you never will or want to meet? You really should stop overthinking, in my opinion.

[Reyhoney]

What's the purpose of being in an LDR when you never will or want to meet? You really should stop overthinking, in my opinion.

I want to meet him, I know this is just my irrational fearful side, I guess that’s common before a first meeting? Maybe also cause he’s never talked about being exclusive or shown a lot of emotions that this worries me?

[Rezie]

I want to meet him, I know this is just my irrational fearful side, I guess that’s common before a first meeting? Maybe also cause he’s never talked about being exclusive or shown a lot of emotions that this worries me?

stop thinking before you meet face to face. agree a meeting. sure it's nerve wrecking. It can be amazing. It can be a disaster. It can be meh. Just agree a time and meet. don't over plan. you loose nothing by meeting.

[Reyhoney]

He just texted me saying how he realized when we meet it’ll be my birthday week and if we should reschedule a week before or after!

🙄

[Redheart14]

Why will that matter? Should just leave it as it is

[Reyhoney]

Why will that matter? Should just leave it as it is

He said oh won’t you want to celebrate it with your family!?

I want to tell him no I want to celebrate it with you, but don’t want him to think I’m saying this to get a birthday gift out of him. Him coming is my gift.

Yea I’d rather not change dates, I’m already so easy to scare off and the back and forth will fill me with anxiety.

[C.C.]

I want to tell him no I want to celebrate it with you, but don’t want him to think I’m saying this to get a birthday gift out of him. Him coming is my gift.

Please, for love of god or whatever you believe or don't believe in, try not to worry so much about everything!

He won't take anything you want weirdly. He simply asked because he wanted to know or it was a suggestion, doesn't matter. If you don't communicate properly he won't be able to read your mind and if you communicate well, he won't get any weird ideas either!

I am really anxious myself as a person but please, please at least understand what you are doing right now. You are literally worrying about every possible detail.

[Reyhoney]

Please, for love of god or whatever you believe or don't believe in, try not to worry so much about everything!

He won't take anything you want weirdly. He simply asked because he wanted to know or it was a suggestion, doesn't matter. If you don't communicate properly he won't be able to read your mind and if you communicate well, he won't get any weird ideas either!

I am really anxious myself as a person but please, please at least understand what you are doing right now. You are literally worrying about every possible detail.

I definitely do, I just lost my dad in May in a pretty traumatic way and since then my anxiety has been so bad, I don’t want to get into gruesome details but I saw his body after and it has messed with me ever since. I had anxiety before that but it was no where near as bad. I just got on anxiety meds and I hope it helps. I really can’t help it, I wish I didn’t have to deal with that, but that’s my toll I guess.