Is this a red flag?

[Rezie]

Well it’s over. Maybe my gut feeling was right after all. He said he isn’t sure if there will be a future after even if we meet and doesn’t want to “hurt me”. I told him well then I’m not willing to take that risk.

sorry that this happened to you. at least you can stop worrying. sounds like he is scared but best to believe when someone says something. time to move. best of luck x

[Redheart14]

You deserve better just remember that

[Reyhoney]

It’s really strange how I’ve felt like things were off and I just blamed myself for it and blamed my anxiety and just made myself think I’m just overreacting, when it was really my instinct and gut telling me to run.

Always trust your gut, with anything in life, even if you end up wrong, better safe than sorry cause the alternative is just too painful.

If a man wants you, nothing will stop him, and if he doesn’t, nothing will make him.

He called me afterwards and says he still wants to meet, but I will not be meeting him, not when I realize how the risk is too high for me.

[Rezie]

It’s really strange how I’ve felt like things were off and I just blamed myself for it and blamed my anxiety and just made myself think I’m just overreacting, when it was really my instinct and gut telling me to run.

Always trust your gut, with anything in life, even if you end up wrong, better safe than sorry cause the alternative is just too painful.

If a man wants you, nothing will stop him, and if he doesn’t, nothing will make him.

He called me afterwards and says he still wants to meet, but I will not be meeting him, not when I realize how the risk is too high for me.

it's good to listen to your gut. but sometimes it's the anxiety talking and not the gut. it's important to learn to differentiate anxiety and gut. I've stepped into this trap several times and missed out on experiences. sometimes getting hurt is a good thing and learning experience. it's not always better to be safe than sorry. As for the "if a man wants you" part. It works both ways.

I know you are hurting and it will hurt for a while and my work are probably more annoying than helpful. just dont let anxiety overtake you. you will do well!

[Reyhoney]

I know what you mean, but in this instance my inner gut feeling was right and I fought it. I shouldn’t have. I was willing to take a risk until the very end, but only with someone who was also willing to take a risk. I wish I listened to my “anxiety” more. It’s not all imaginary. Just because something in me is broken doesn’t mean everything in me is.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

It’s really strange how I’ve felt like things were off and I just blamed myself for it and blamed my anxiety and just made myself think I’m just overreacting, when it was really my instinct and gut telling me to run.

Always trust your gut, with anything in life, even if you end up wrong, better safe than sorry cause the alternative is just too painful.

If a man wants you, nothing will stop him, and if he doesn’t, nothing will make him.

He called me afterwards and says he still wants to meet, but I will not be meeting him, not when I realize how the risk is too high for me.

I'm sorry to hear that. I trust my gut as well and I am also an anxious person. Thing is though the way I know something is off vs my anxiety is that the problem comes up all the time, not just one time that a guy forgot to call, text etc. You deserve someone who does want to be w/you and be thankful he didn't waste anymore of your time.

[Reyhoney]

So got another text from him saying how he misspoke and didn’t mean things like that and that was just stupid of him and I’m OVERTHINKING things and that he DOES want to take that risk.

I swear this will keep going on and on and on until one of us dies. I’m not replying.

[MushuChicken]

So got another text from him saying how he misspoke and didn’t mean things like that and that was just stupid of him and I’m OVERTHINKING things and that he DOES want to take that risk.

I swear this will keep going on and on and on until one of us dies. I’m not replying.

Please don't be hasty, and re-consider. As someone said before....until you meet, you just never know what the results will be. Maybe you meet and things just...click?

I think the fact that he has called and texted trying to remedy the situation is a GREAT sign.

In my current situation (3 days!), we have tons, and I mean TONS of communication issues, as far as misunderstandings and not quite getting the tone just right. I am excited to see what the upcoming weekend holds. Maybe something, maybe nothing. But, there is something to be said for seeing the actual in-person dynamic between two people. We hear all the time, in here, and outside of this community...that when they have met, it sort of feels like a deep exhale...like they've been holding their breath for SO long, and they are finally able to breathe.

I have told my friends that I am fully prepared and expect for my heart to be broken. But, and this is for me, not anyone else....for me, I can't NOT take the chance. I have to risk it. The upside is too great. Yes, my heart may get broken, but I may also have one of the greatest adventures I could have ever imagined.

Anyway...he seems to be pursuing, at least to me....maybe give your gut instinct a break on this one, and see where things go?

[Reyhoney]

So I thought I would try to share what happened exactly.

We were on the phone looking at hotels and restaurants and things to do and he said he wasn’t having cold feet about meeting but only about what happens after we meet, he didn’t want it to become awkward, I asked awkward how? Like I’d have hopes or expectations? I’m not in a rush for anything.

He said yeah but what if nothing can happen and I don’t want to hurt you, you’re the one taking the bigger risk here. And I said why are you saying it’d be just me getting hurt? Like am I getting blind sided cause you’re not telling me something I need to know? Do you have a plan for this not working out?

He said well worst case scenario it’ll be a vacation with lots of fun and lots of crazy sex right!? No regrets? I said it’s not just some random vacation for me, and not when you’re saying it like this.

He also said oh you’ll pay with me for the hotel half right?? Cause that’s expensive. Which took me by surprise, I was going to offer anyway but he was like all cold about it. I said I wasn’t expecting you to pay for everything, and I was going to pay for things like food and activities and pay for the both of us, not just me.

It just seems like he’s going into this trying to cut his losses and thinking well at least I’ll get tons of sex!

Later he apologized saying he didn’t mean it like that and that he misspoke and how I’m over thinking things. I haven’t replied still, I feel like my guard is up now and I no longer trust him.

Aren’t these things he said red flags!?

[C.C.]

So I thought I would try to share what happened exactly.

We were on the phone looking at hotels and restaurants and things to do and he said he wasn’t having cold feet about meeting but only about what happens after we meet, he didn’t want it to become awkward, I asked awkward how? Like I’d have hopes or expectations? I’m not in a rush for anything.

He said yeah but what if nothing can happen and I don’t want to hurt you, you’re the one taking the bigger risk here. And I said why are you saying it’d be just me getting hurt? Like am I getting blind sided cause you’re not telling me something I need to know? Do you have a plan for this not working out?

He said well worst case scenario it’ll be a vacation with lots of fun and lots of crazy sex right!? No regrets? I said it’s not just some random vacation for me, and not when you’re saying it like this.

He also said oh you’ll pay with me for the hotel half right?? Cause that’s expensive. Which took me by surprise, I was going to offer anyway but he was like all cold about it. I said I wasn’t expecting you to pay for everything, and I was going to pay for things like food and activities and pay for the both of us, not just me.

It just seems like he’s going into this trying to cut his losses and thinking well at least I’ll get tons of sex!

Later he apologized saying he didn’t mean it like that and that he misspoke and how I’m over thinking things. I haven’t replied still, I feel like my guard is up now and I no longer trust him.

Aren’t these things he said red flags!?

No. He's just not sure about how serious the thing will turn out to be and he expressed his worries with you if anything. If you don't want to be with this guy just break up, if you want to try, meet and then decide. Stop the blaming game. He's never set any expectations higher for you to take offence by any of that. If anything you should be talking to him about how things are and what he ACTUALLY feels rather than cutting him off and ignoring him altogether. But if you decide to do the later then don't make us clairvoyants to guess what he feels when you don't even want to ask.

[Reyhoney]

No. He's just not sure about how serious the thing will turn out to be and he expressed his worries with you if anything. If you don't want to be with this guy just break up, if you want to try, meet and then decide. Stop the blaming game. He's never set any expectations higher for you to take offence by any of that. If anything you should be talking to him about how things are and what he ACTUALLY feels rather than cutting him off and ignoring him altogether. But if you decide to do the later then don't make us clairvoyants to guess what he feels when you don't even want to ask.

Did you read the part about how he said it’ll be a sex vacation regardless? Would you be okay with that if a man told you that?

I did ask, what he was doing is saying that he has warned me that I will get hurt so I can’t be mad when it happens.

[C.C.]

Did you read the part about how he said it’ll be a sex vacation regardless? Would you be okay with that if a man told you that?

He said it'd be sex vacation worst case scenario. I don't know if I'd be okay or not. Depends on a guy, if I weren't in love/serious about him and we were on the same page, I'd be. If not I have no idea but I'd not think he did something bad for it. It'd be my decision and whether I am okay with some things or not rather than considering it as a red flag in general. Some people take things slower, some faster.

I did ask, what he was doing is saying that he has warned me that I will get hurt so I can’t be mad when it happens.

Will or might?


And I didn't get an idea that he ended things there (unless he said it separately). He just warned you that you might get hurt and he's afraid to put you through that because he's not sure about how the visit will go and he's nervous himself, basically.

[snow]

Reyhoney, you know yourself better than any of us know you through those 5 pages of interaction with you and we don't know your SO at all, so you have to take anything we say with a grain of salt.

If my man told me that it would be a vacation with a lots of crazy sex and no regrets, I'd cut him loose. If sex is all he is after, then that's not the kind of person I want to meet. If it doesn't click, then we split and that's it, there wouldn't be sex.

Reading this, I do think your gut is telling you to be careful as he seems sketchy. If I was in your shoes, I would be careful and I would most likely not meet at this time and see how things turn out.

[Reyhoney]

He said it'd be sex vacation worst case scenario. I don't know if I'd be okay or not. Depends on a guy, if I weren't in love/serious about him and we were on the same page, I'd be. If not I have no idea but I'd not think he did something bad for it. It'd be my decision and whether I am okay with some things or not rather than considering it as a red flag in general. Some people take things slower, some faster.


Will or might?


And I didn't get an idea that he ended things there (unless he said it separately). He just warned you that you might get hurt and he's afraid to put you through that because he's not sure about how the visit will go and he's nervous himself, basically.

I’m not the kind of person to take sex lightly, especially after 6 months of talking to him and traveling to meet him. If I wanted to have sex no strings attached I would get it locally.

And I can’t not feel worried and have my guard up after someone I love tell me these things, they already seem to have one foot out the door. I don’t want to go into it knowing I’ll get hurt bad, it’s a risk you take in any relationship, but I don’t want it to ring constantly in my mind cause he keeps saying it! I’d be constantly looking over my shoulders, and after the traumatic year I’ve had, I don’t think I can take any more blows. You know? I still want to have a happy life, somehow.

[Reyhoney]

Reyhoney, you know yourself better than any of us know you through those 5 pages of interaction with you and we don't know your SO at all, so you have to take anything we say with a grain of salt.

If my man told me that it would be a vacation with a lots of crazy sex and no regrets, I'd cut him loose. If sex is all he is after, then that's not the kind of person I want to meet. If it doesn't click, then we split and that's it, there wouldn't be sex.

Reading this, I do think your gut is telling you to be careful as he seems sketchy. If I was in your shoes, I would be careful and I would most likely not meet at this time and see how things turn out.

I agree, he wants to invest the least amount of emotion, time and effort and think that if it ends he’d leave it unharmed. It’s not something a man who is serious about you would say, right?

And the way he said the sex thing, how he’d leave me shaking orgasm after orgasm, it just completely put me on alert that I may have overestimated his feelings and intentions for me.