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Is this the right thing to do? Worried about meeting.

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    Is this the right thing to do? Worried about meeting.

    So my boyfriend (16M) and I (19F) have been together for nearly 6 months now. He's from Germany and I am from the USA. We've gotten the okay to have him fly here and meet me this Christmas from my parents, which is great! (My parents are pretty chill, and feel comfortable with us meeting since they've talked with him a bunch on skype.) The problem is his parents...they're very strict Muslim and don't believe in dating - especially someone outside of their religion. Because of this, my boyfriend hasn't told them about me. He is atheist though so he doesn't believe in anything his parents do, which is why he doesn't have a problem dating outside of his religion aka me.

    Anyway, we really want to be able to meet here in a few months but he knows he can't tell his parents. So instead he came up with an elaborate plan to trick them into thinking he's taking a trip to America for a scholarship/foreign exchange program (he's done one before, so they are familiar with it and have had him fly to another country for school stuff before.) But we have to go to great extents to make it work (convincing them the program is real, make fake emails/phone numbers that they can send questions to, making a fake consent form) My boyfriend is okay with doing all of this but I can't help but feel guilty...I hate lying and I just don't like that we have to go through all this trouble to deceive his parents about something big like a trip to another country, you know? It's also putting a lot of stress on the both of us and me being so worried about it doesn't help the stress.

    I just don't know what to do though because if we don't deceive his parents we won't be able to meet for another 2 years or so when he moves to America for good. (He has a bunch of scholarship offers over here to do school and he's planned on permanently moving to the USA long before we met, and his parents are okay with it) I'm so confused on what to do. Please, any advice would be appreciated.
    Last edited by sarahendipity; October 8, 2017, 03:17 PM.

    #2
    I never approve of lying about anything.
    When you base a relationship on lies towards the parents, that is bad, very very bad. If you ask me, it is very, very wrong to do this. You better be honest and wait for two years.

    BTW just a question: are you 19 (profile) or 18 (story)?
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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      #3
      It's wrong to lie BUT don't underestimate the strictness of Muslim parents!!! Take all the risks into account and base your decision on that.

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        #4
        That's what I'm thinking. I'll be sure to talk to him about it and express my concerns. Also, I am 19. Sorry it was a mistype, just recently turned 19. Force of habit saying 18 haha.

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          #5
          Yeah, I feel so guilty for lying (especially since I have to lie to mine as well) I don't want such an amazing moment like meeting the love of my life for the first time to be surrounded by guilt and worry! I'm going to talk to him about it and see if we can figure something else out.

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            #6
            elaborate lies tend to blow up in your face. i wouldn't recommend. I think a little white lie like saying you are a friend instead of girlfriend or that you've met on a school project etc. is ok. but faking documents is just wrong.

            Is there an option that you would go there and stay in hotel and you would meet during day. the he wouldn't have to lie and he could just not say anything. you are also an adult so it's not really upto your parents to "let you"

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              #7
              Those are two great options, thank you so much for the ideas!

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                #8
                Yes lying is very bad, especially to parents. Your parents sound great so they do not deserve that really.

                He can say to his parents that he wants to visit schools so he can make a good choice when he moves to the USA in 2 years time, and is a time to see if he would really fit in with the culture, and people, etc. Isn't he a minor still though if he is 16?

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