There Has Got To Be A Way: A desperate cry for help

[LadyMarchHare]

I do love my sense of luck. I say there won't be a conversation and lo and behold he musters the ability to get online for a bit.

We discussed the possibility of him speaking to a higher up, he told me he's tried and that as I said, they don't care and if he took hour cut backs he literally would not be able to afford to live. We discussed the possibility of a new job, he's of the mind a new place would be the same way, with cruel supervisors and the like. I'm going to see if I can break him out that mindset. We also discussed my moving and we confirmed neither of us have the means to support the both of us at present. What I'm thinking is right now working not only to convince him to seek a better job and that they're not all that bad (they can't be), but to whip myself into shape enough to possibly get a part time job either here or there and bring in some money so that I could essentially help be bread and butter. That last bit will be hard as I'm half the support in this current household and I'm kinda panicked about leaving, but I know this won't be overnight.

I believe he mentioned once there are three types of girlfriends/boyfriends: the sword, the armor, and the shield. The sword will defend and attack those who come near their love with hurtful intent, the armor will protect at an arm's length, and the shield will protect first and foremost rushing to the fallen love's side instead of giving offense to the attacker. He described himself as the shield, whereas I am apparently the sword because I am fighting ruthlessly and (at present) mindlessly to slay the offenders in order to protect.

I'm not sure if the idea I have now is ideal, but it's a heck of a lot more sensible than whining.

[Čternity]

I'm so glad you got to speak with him.

[Tanja]

Wow that does sound extremely tricky... And the way they've promoted him in such a short time is clearly saying that they just wanted some sucker who'll agree to work ridiculous hours with not asking too much money for it. Of course on paper that job sounds amazing: It's Disney for God sake, and a managing position, there must be people lined up ready to take it!
But the harsh truth is HE NEEDS TO GET OUT ASAP!

Before you know it a year has gone by, then another and he's completely shattered and burned out. His experience from this job is definitely going to help him get another one I'm sure and if you manage to get even a part-time job for yourself you can help him with the money, this situation is not impossible even if it might seem like it right now! Are there any friends/relatives that could also help him financially/job-wise?

He's proven he's a hard working spirit and he's flexible, those are both great qualities in an employee. But he definitely has to learn to say no, what they're doing to him now is exploiting and to me sounds very illegal even though in there it most likely isn't.

I know he must be scared to lose his job and not being able to provide for himself but you need to convince him he can do it and that there is an alternative to this! Most importantly let him know he will NOT be alone in this, you're there by his side all the way and I know that in the future he would be forever grateful to you for helping him getting out of this nightmare.

Getting out also means more time to spend with each other - imagine a chat every night instead of a text once a week. Best of luck (even though you said not to say so ) and be strong for him, for yourself and for you both, he will follow your lead! *hugs*

[pytsip]

It sounds as though he needs to voice his concerns to his supervisors. You said that he was promoted to management, but there is no reason why anyone should be working those hours, it's just bad management. This is Disney World we're talking about. I think what you need to ask him is if it's possible for him to tell his management that he needs help. That maybe hiring a supervisor would help cut the costs of labor since if he's being paid hourly they have to be paying him overtime, if not and he's paid salary, have him explain that he would be able to be more productive by having a supervisor to relieve some of the hours that he's working. Obviously he is a valued employee otherwise they wouldn't have him working the hours that he's working and wouldn't have promoted him and gave him a permanent job, if he's a valued employee, they will be more willing to hear his concerns and try to help out. The only thing that you can do is support him and let him know that this is an issue that he needs to talk with his supervisors about. Let him know that he is obviously a valued employee and that as long as he focuses on how him getting less hours would be beneficial to the company as a whole, that they should be willing to hear his opinion and to accomodate his needs. Most employers need telling that employees need help, in situations like this, they may not realize that the long hours are taking a toll on his life. They may just believe that he wants those hours and doesn't realize that they are just simply too much for him.

[LadyMarchHare]

Tanja: Oh it is very illegal, but as I've said, a place like Disney they can cover up any attempt at a lawsuit like you'd cover a sleeping infant with a blanket. I don't plan for him to make the full year in being there. It's a matter of convincing him, slowly, that with perseverance we can get him something else, even if he has to move again. The place has honestly worn him down so I can see why he's pretty much just taking it at this point.

pytsip: I think you missed my comment where he said he did such and received nothing from it. Believe me, I can't repeat the phrase "they don't care" enough to emphasize the fact that they do indeed not care. And no, they don't do overtime nor do they do anything where the 'overtime' would get racked into vacation hours (my mom's last job did that). It's flat out work for what they pay you or get nothing. Disney, as far as this park and this section of said park is concerned, is not the atypical business that is designed to listen, care, or pretend to care. You're their property, therefore you will be treated as such with no sympathy. As for the hours, they schedule his hours for him when they need him, and he relayed to me that if he did not work said hours at current, he would not be able to afford where he's living. Before he was in an apartment arrangement made by Disney with 5 other guys, only $100 taken out every month for rent and utilities, the hours were not needed yet scheduled anyway because they could. Now he's on his own, no car, paying bills in full out his own pocket, and Orlando is an expensive city to live in. There are certainly jobs out there where he could work less hours or get actual overtime and vacations, but it takes searching and the actual will to search.

[pytsip]

I did miss that, and that changes everything, it makes it difficult to look for a new job when you're working all the time also, I completely understand that because I've been there and done that. Maybe if you have more free time than he does, why don't you help with the job searching, I know when Belvy was still here he had a horrible job at a restaurant, she worked him overtime all the time, 70-80 hours a week and he had absolutely no time to look for a new job because all he ever did was work. I tried helping him out by looking on the newspaper's website in the classifieds, checked on monster, etc. I know you don't live in the same city obviously, but you can still access the newspapers and know his zip code to search. You may not find the perfect job for him, but just constantly trying to help, eventually he'll find one that fits and having you help him while he is so backed up on time and stressed out will help aleviate some of his stress. I'd just say that if you find him a job, send him an email with the link or the information for him to send his resume to. But just be his personal assistant I guess, that's the only advice I can give you, and then hope that he gets a job that works for him and works for you.

[Silviar]

I've read through everything through this thread, LMH, and after reading your replies... In situations like these, all you can do is support your SO and encourage him to make the right decision, which sounds like to leave for a new job. Yes, a place of your own and all of that is expensive and scary, but that's why we make budgets, save money, plan, and find a way to live within our means.

All you can control in this situation is yourself, how you act, and your portion of the equation. So, I would choose to continue focusing on encouraging him and either figuring out what you're willing to do to make this work, or if you want to wait and see what he does. Because those essentially are your options. Once you decide that, you can figure out how to achieve your goals. Good luck.

[Mio]

That is terrible. I hope he can at least text you once a day, and that he gets a new job. Maybe you can do the research for him!

[mrsbubbles]

I've read through everything through this thread, LMH, and after reading your replies... In situations like these, all you can do is support your SO and encourage him to make the right decision, which sounds like to leave for a new job. Yes, a place of your own and all of that is expensive and scary, but that's why we make budgets, save money, plan, and find a way to live within our means.

All you can control in this situation is yourself, how you act, and your portion of the equation. So, I would choose to continue focusing on encouraging him and either figuring out what you're willing to do to make this work, or if you want to wait and see what he does. Because those essentially are your options. Once you decide that, you can figure out how to achieve your goals. Good luck.

I completely agree! And good luck, m'dear. <3