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    Girlfriend wants a break, not sure what to do

    Hello,

    I'll try and keep this short. I've been with my girlfriend for close to 3 years, we have met several times. We met this summer, everything was just how it's supposed to be. We were happy, talking about the future and all sorts of things. After the visit things went back to how it usually is, you know the drill. But at the beginning of September she started going to university and work again which put a lot of pressure on her obviously, especially since it's the last year before she gets her bachelor. And it really drains her energy, which leaves little energy left for me. And I can understand that, after a long day you just want to go back home and relax. It was going good for 1 - 2 weeks, then the frustration started for the both of us. I was and still am struggling to find myself a job at this time of the year. All this frustration lead to silly arguments over the smallest things that one should not argue about, when we were calling we would just sit there in silence and not really do anything. After a while of LDR it feels like you run out of stuff to do that sounds fun. And it really frustrated me, not as much as it did for her. So, from my view I was being pushy about finding stuff we could do for entertainment, but that didn't work out so good it just lead to more frustration and arguments. If there is something I truly regret now it's not giving her enough space to breathe and think, I should have taken a few steps back, but I didn't. I was too blinded by the frustration and sadness which I hate myself for.

    I was supposed to visit her from 27th oct - 3 nov, but I ended up going home on the 30th. She feels suffocated after everything that has happened. When we met it wasn't really excitement we felt more like sadness, because of all the shit we have been through the past 2 months. We talked a lot during the visit, cried a lot. We still love each other, but are not as happy as we used to be. So, she wanted a break to think things through if this is really something she wants to continue. A part of me regrets going home on Monday and not Friday, that I should have stayed and really fought for it. But it also felt right to go home earlier, so she can get the space she needs and it's what we agreed on. I do really think we can be happy again, we just need to climb out of the dark hole that we are in. I don't know the outcome of this break, it really scares me. All I wanted was to make her the happiest girl in the whole world and I feel like I failed.
    Right now, I feel lost, I don't know what I should do. Not messaging her is difficult, I try my best to stay away. I can't eat or sleep properly, I'm so scared I will lose her. She brings so much joy, love, safety and knowledge into my life and I love her with my whole heart. Any tips on what I/we can do? I have already told her how I feel and where I went wrong. Should I just wait and see how it turns out? Thanks in advance.

    #2
    This almost sounds like my long distant visit over Thanksgiving 2013 where everything was nearly miserable because we were arguing EXCEPT I had zero regrets about leaving when I did. We did end up taking a break. If she wants space, I suggest you give her space. Take time and sort things out for yourself.

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      #3
      Originally posted by Mjau View Post
      Hello,

      I'll try and keep this short. I've been with my girlfriend for close to 3 years, we have met several times. We met this summer, everything was just how it's supposed to be. We were happy, talking about the future and all sorts of things. After the visit things went back to how it usually is, you know the drill. But at the beginning of September she started going to university and work again which put a lot of pressure on her obviously, especially since it's the last year before she gets her bachelor. And it really drains her energy, which leaves little energy left for me. And I can understand that, after a long day you just want to go back home and relax. It was going good for 1 - 2 weeks, then the frustration started for the both of us. I was and still am struggling to find myself a job at this time of the year. All this frustration lead to silly arguments over the smallest things that one should not argue about, when we were calling we would just sit there in silence and not really do anything. After a while of LDR it feels like you run out of stuff to do that sounds fun. And it really frustrated me, not as much as it did for her. So, from my view I was being pushy about finding stuff we could do for entertainment, but that didn't work out so good it just lead to more frustration and arguments. If there is something I truly regret now it's not giving her enough space to breathe and think, I should have taken a few steps back, but I didn't. I was too blinded by the frustration and sadness which I hate myself for.

      I was supposed to visit her from 27th oct - 3 nov, but I ended up going home on the 30th. She feels suffocated after everything that has happened. When we met it wasn't really excitement we felt more like sadness, because of all the shit we have been through the past 2 months. We talked a lot during the visit, cried a lot. We still love each other, but are not as happy as we used to be. So, she wanted a break to think things through if this is really something she wants to continue. A part of me regrets going home on Monday and not Friday, that I should have stayed and really fought for it. But it also felt right to go home earlier, so she can get the space she needs and it's what we agreed on. I do really think we can be happy again, we just need to climb out of the dark hole that we are in. I don't know the outcome of this break, it really scares me. All I wanted was to make her the happiest girl in the whole world and I feel like I failed.
      Right now, I feel lost, I don't know what I should do. Not messaging her is difficult, I try my best to stay away. I can't eat or sleep properly, I'm so scared I will lose her. She brings so much joy, love, safety and knowledge into my life and I love her with my whole heart. Any tips on what I/we can do? I have already told her how I feel and where I went wrong. Should I just wait and see how it turns out? Thanks in advance.
      I can understand how hard this is for you, the guy I dated long distance pretty much did the same thing to me. When I told one of my good friends, she said space/breaks in a LDR is ridiculous. All you have in LDR is space and breaks. Unless you are demanding 24/7 attention, there's no way you can be suffocating her, after all you rarely get to see each other. Both of you have time for yourselves all the time. Do not fight for the relationship if she doesn't want it, that'll just make the situation worse for you. Don't text/call her and get ready for a break up. Two people in love work on their issues, they do not run away.

      Comment


        #4
        This relly hit home for me. I've been the girl in this situation. I know a lot of people say that break or time off in LDR is useless but in my personal opinion it is not. I feel like when in LDR I'm in a lot more contact with my boyfriend than now that we live together. Sure we are physically present more but there is no need to text through the day. Also when in LDR we woul talk 2 h every day and now the talking is very different. So therefore I do say that a break can work. SOmetimes not and sometimes yes. It gives an indication how much you want to talk and share with that person.

        It sounds like the relationship has simply run it's course. Do you have an endplan or is it open ended? To me that sounds like possible frustration with the distance or then simply it just wasn't meant to be.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Rezie View Post
          This relly hit home for me. I've been the girl in this situation. I know a lot of people say that break or time off in LDR is useless but in my personal opinion it is not. I feel like when in LDR I'm in a lot more contact with my boyfriend than now that we live together. Sure we are physically present more but there is no need to text through the day. Also when in LDR we woul talk 2 h every day and now the talking is very different. So therefore I do say that a break can work. SOmetimes not and sometimes yes. It gives an indication how much you want to talk and share with that person.

          It sounds like the relationship has simply run it's course. Do you have an endplan or is it open ended? To me that sounds like possible frustration with the distance or then simply it just wasn't meant to be.
          I understand what you mean. We are really dependent on each other, we pretty much talk and chat all day, sometimes till we wake up till we go to sleep. So, it was too much I get that. That's why I feel bad for not giving her more space during the past two months. We do have an endplan, if everything goes as planned she would maybe move to Norway in one year from now. That does bring a lot of frustration, it's not an easy process and it makes her even more stressed which I can understand, I try my best to calm her and tell her everything will be alright on that part and it's been working good. My only wish now is that this situation will turn out good.

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