3 Month Mark with Trucker Boyfriend - Having Trust and Communication Issues

[pinkmangou]

Hi Everyone!

I am in a relationship with a guy who does long distance trucking. We live about an hour apart but because of his job, he is only home on the weekends and his weekends happen to be spent with family (he lives with his older parents because he provides for them).

We met online. During the first two months, he would call me every morning and every night (crazy, but it was nice). Our communication was constant and eventually we fell in love. We met and the spark was there so we became official.

The issue is that ever since he said ILY, his communication has changed drastically. He does communicate everyday with me but not in the same enthusiasm as he did before. Most of the calls are being made by me now. He doesn't respond to my texts or any funny memes that I send him. It seems like a chore for him now (of course, an assumption on my end). We've met up a total of 3 times but he doesn't make a huge effort to continue meeting up - placing his family and job first.


I'm at a point where I'm getting crazy trust issues. I've never had an LDR before so i'm not sure if this is normal. I've started to sift through his social media and found he was kind of a player with women online - ading a lot of them on Instagram, liking their pics and having convos. I know that that "player" activity stopped since we became official. However, I am starting to have thoughts that he's become bored with this relationship and has started talking to these women online again. I know that being a trucker is hard and maybe being entertained by these women was something that kept him energized and he's missing that.

I did bring these issues to him and he just got very angry and defensive...and reaffirmed his love for me. When I contact him, I feel like I am bothering him and he insists that's not the case.

ALSO: We've been intimate before but HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT IT. We have no intimate conversations or even talk about sex...its almost like a taboo topic unless we're hanging out in person


I'm really confused. Is this how LDR are? Am I overthinking and expecting too much? What should I do?

[Lio]

Hello and welcome to the forums.

I wouldn't say this is how LDR are, but each LDR is unique, as each relationship is unique. But I don't think you are overthinking.

Following people on instagram and liking their pictures is not a bad thing in itself. Starting convos with people isn't bad either. The problem is about the content of these convos. If he's only friendly towards them, then it's okay. If he's flirting, "playing" with them, then yes, there is a real problem.

Yes, being a trucker is hard, but does it mean he can play with women - and with your feelings, then, in addition of theirs - when not working ? The correct answer is no. I can understand you're doubting him about this, and you should make sure he's not lying to you. Getting very angry and defensive, as you're saying.. it is suspicious to me. Someone who's honest and not doing anything wrong should be able to tell it calmly, without getting angry - unless he's getting angry more easily than others, but we don't know about this.

I think you should confront him about all these things at once, and talk about it as quiet as possible. Then your mind should get more clear, and you'll see if you trust him more or if you don't.

Good luck.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Hi Everyone!

I am in a relationship with a guy who does long distance trucking. We live about an hour apart but because of his job, he is only home on the weekends and his weekends happen to be spent with family (he lives with his older parents because he provides for them).

We met online. During the first two months, he would call me every morning and every night (crazy, but it was nice). Our communication was constant and eventually we fell in love. We met and the spark was there so we became official.

The issue is that ever since he said ILY, his communication has changed drastically. He does communicate everyday with me but not in the same enthusiasm as he did before. Most of the calls are being made by me now. He doesn't respond to my texts or any funny memes that I send him. It seems like a chore for him now (of course, an assumption on my end). We've met up a total of 3 times but he doesn't make a huge effort to continue meeting up - placing his family and job first.


I'm at a point where I'm getting crazy trust issues. I've never had an LDR before so i'm not sure if this is normal. I've started to sift through his social media and found he was kind of a player with women online - ading a lot of them on Instagram, liking their pics and having convos. I know that that "player" activity stopped since we became official. However, I am starting to have thoughts that he's become bored with this relationship and has started talking to these women online again. I know that being a trucker is hard and maybe being entertained by these women was something that kept him energized and he's missing that.

I did bring these issues to him and he just got very angry and defensive...and reaffirmed his love for me. When I contact him, I feel like I am bothering him and he insists that's not the case.

ALSO: We've been intimate before but HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT IT. We have no intimate conversations or even talk about sex...its almost like a taboo topic unless we're hanging out in person


I'm really confused. Is this how LDR are? Am I overthinking and expecting too much? What should I do?

I don't believe you are overthinking. In my experience w/LDR and CDR, when things like communication change quite a bit, there is an issue. I struggled through my LDR and the answers that I got were: "he is prob not a big texter, not his style etc". Come to find out, he didn't want to be w/me. If he was always a poor communicator, this could just be a regular thing. I would also explain how that bothered me, he always reassured me that he cared for me and wanted the relationship. There are guys out there who will communicate w/you, heck my current bf messages me more then my LD guy ever did and he lives in the same city. Personally I believe if someone loves you, they will always want to be near you/talk to you/text you etc vs dismissing your feelings.