Thinking about the future...To generic a title?

[somedude]

Sup people,

This is my first post here; I guess I am looking for advice or maybe just trying to get the weight off my chest.

Okay so a bit of background, I am in LDR with a Chinese girl I met over a Year ago now. We ended up living together for almost a year when we where both were studying. However there is an age difference, she is 24, and I am 20, and because of this she had to go back to China 3 months ago as her studies had finished, while I still have a year and a bit left of education to do. Regarding our families (especially important in Chinese culture), she has spent Christmas with me, and my parents think she is fantastic, her family are a different story. I am liked but there is a constant pressure to impress them and meet standards I am terrifed of not meeting... pressures such as marriage and children. Now I love my girlfriend like crazy, but she is starting to give into this pressure as well. I am taking steps to make these things all happen, I am getting my HSK certificates, doing a TEFL qualification to pursue a career out there and saving for an MSc out there, but these things will take time... and there is where the problem is.

Honestly, this relationship has been the best thing to happen to me and I am very excited for a future with my girlfriend, but I am equally scared of not being having things not working, the pressure placed on us by her family and even her culture mean I need to think of engagement and marriage, both things I would love to do, but I have no money, and am just not in the right situation right now.

I guess the point of this rant is to ask if anyone is/was in a similar situation or has some advice.

Thanks, somedude

[Lio]

Hello and welcome to the forums.

I have been in a similar situation. I dated a Chinese girl online, during six month - we have been nevermets, and she is one year older than me. Not long after the relationship started, she warned me about this thing and the pressure related to it. I was studying - still am - without a part-time job at the time, and she was working. Of course I never met her family, but she broke up after six months, because she was tired of waiting for me visiting her. She's now engaged to an Italian guy, who's two years younger than her, and who lives in China - they met online.

In China, the girl should marry not late. By not late, it's like, around 25 years old the oldest as possible. Now, times are changing though, and I know some Chinese people who are around my age and still not married or even single - I know one or two Chinese women in this case who are 35+ years old. But the culture is very important, and her family will see you as a serious guy once you meet these "requirements".

My advice is, you are young, and your career and its preparation come first. Once you'll be stable in your life (job, money, place to live), then you'll be able to think about marriage. Not before. And from what I'm reading, you seem to think in a reasonable way. Now, you have to be very clear about this towards your girlfriend in the first place - you probably have been already - then to her family. The most difficult thing is about them to be willing to understand this - especially her parents. They may be more impatient than her about this marriage thing.

Good luck.

[somedude]

Hey Lio,

Its good to hear some down to Earth advice from someone else who has dealt with this whole thing, it is much appreciated. I agree my life won't go anywhere if I don't have a stable platform to start from, but it is balancing this with the needs of my GF and her family that raises the challenge. I fear I underestimated the challenge and was too optimistic about my timeline to get married ect, this by no means suggests i am ready to give up !! I am commited to this girl but I am starting to appricate the enormity of the challenge.

Thanks again