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Is this a good idea to close the distance?

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    #1

    Is this a good idea to close the distance?

    My LDR boyfriend has had a LDR before in his life, where he moved to her country but they got really bad and broke up. He returned to his country without any job and money and had to start over again.

    Now he is in a LDR with me and says he would like to move here to live with me, but he is planning to do things differently this time.

    So instead of leaving his job and trying to find a job here, he is planning to keep his current job and work remotely for that company (he works in IT) and at the same time starting his own IT business and make money from it. Then when he has got that independence, he would move here.

    I feel he is affraid that if things don't work between us he ends up losing everything again like in the first time. So, this time if things between us don't work, he will still have his own business and money, and will be able to choose where he wants to live. There will be nothing to lose.

    Of course there are no deadlines for this and it might take him 6 months to get that independence or 1 year, or 2 years. I don't know.

    Whilst I understand where he is coming from, I also feel it is not nice that he is setting up everything in case things don't work between us. And is also not nice not knowing when he would move here.

    Can you please give me your perspective on this? Thank you.
    Last edited by ILoveYou22; November 21, 2017, 11:33 AM.
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    #2
    If you really want to know, as I said in the other almost simular thread, you should ask him.

    I don't know if it is a good idea to open 2 topics with the same basic question, btw... Just an idea.
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by erwin1973 View Post
      If you really want to know, as I said in the other almost simular thread, you should ask him.

      I don't know if it is a good idea to open 2 topics with the same basic question, btw... Just an idea.
      It is not the same question. Thank you.

      Comment

        #4
        If you have something horribly backfire on you, it's only natural to want to protect yourself going in the second time. Yeah, it stinks for you, but I feel like you should be sensitive to his past and support his actions. For all you know, it may not work out...there's a thousand reasons why it might not, and not all of them have to do with you at all. He's being prudent in his own mind, and I think you need to be respectful of that. It doesn't necessarily show a lack of commitment...it shows common sense.
        sigpic

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          #5
          Not really answering your question, but is it not work/immigration getting more complicated between UK and the EU contries now that UK is leaving the EU?

          About the question: IT is a good frield to make your own company in and he would be less constrained in terms of when he could travel and so on. So in a transition period, having his own company would be a good thing. However, if he has his own company, it still has to be based somewhere. I hope at least he is getting insured and makes sure he knows where he would apply for unemployment benifits should his company break down. Of course he could have clients in Portugal while working from England, but I would think the over time things could be come difficult and it could be better to find a job in the UK. I understand why he would want to work this way in the beginning, perhaps slowly transitioning to work more with UK clients or think about starting to work for a UK company.

          Saying "when I get my independance" is not a good timed plan. Perhaps he should take a class on how to set up his own businiss ? I have one, and have taken classes, and the first thing they told us in class is to make practical and financial plans for the first 1-3 years ahead. Since he has not done this, it sounds more like a dream than a plan. Does he have experience in accounting and taxation preperations? Doe he know how to bill clients online? Is he able to make his own website etc etc? Does he have money put aside to the upkeep of starting up the company?
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Brexit won't have an effect until 2019 also i dont think that skilled work force from the EU will make a difference. But that's just speculation 😁

            in my opinion keeping old job and working remotely is the perfect plan to close the distance. You don't have to have too many changes at once and can adjust before looking for work (if wanting to do that).

            We are all different. I personally get comfort knowing that there is a backup plan if everything fails. It means that I can fully give my everyhting since I don't have anything to lose. otherwise there would be too much preasure.

            also as I said in the other thread, you have been together for 4 months so he might not feel comfortable with timelines yet.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Rezie View Post
              you have been together for 4 months so he might not feel comfortable with timelines yet.
              That is a bit early, yes. Starting up a businiss takes time. Realistically it will be at least another year. But then the OP and him will have time for visits and to get to know each other. SO and I never even brought up the subject of moving until we had dated a full year. We needed to get to know each other before seriously considering a move.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by ILoveYou22 View Post
                It is not the same question. Thank you.
                In that case I apologize. I saw a couple of simularities so I assumed. I didn't mean any offence.
                Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

                Comment

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