EX girlfriend showed up out of the blue> really confused

[shypshnius]

Hi, so here's what i'm really confused about. I broke up with my ex girlfriend like 2 months ago ( i was dumped for being way too clingy/needy ). The thing is, i still do love her and i actually texted her on new years evening wishing her happy new year. We texted for a bit that evening before she replied with: "please don't text me anymore, i don't want any problems. Just don't show in my life anymore". and removed me from facebooks friends list. I just responded with: "Okay". However, whats really strange she actually messaged me herself in the evening the day after! She texted me: "well, i am coming to visit your town tonight". I just replied with: "that's great, have a good evening!"And that's it.. i didn't want to ask her if she was willing to meet up for a coffee or something just because what she texted me the day before.. So all of this happened like 2 weeks ago. What's interesting, she actually just invited me to friends on facebook at 3am yesterday. I did accept the invite, however she did not text me anything yet. I really don't wanna text her first.. Do you think i should? Or should i just wait for her to break the ice? Thank you!

By the way, the same day she sent me a friend request, she posted this on her facebook wall: Do you think it's towards me and is supposed to mean anything? I have a feeling she wants to get back together but doesn't have the courage to say it.. What are your thoughts?

I have in this story something to confess
I already understood very well what happened
And although it hurts so much I have to accept
That you are not the bad one, that the bad one is me

Okay, I do not really, really wanna fight anymore
I do not really, really want to fake it no more
Play me like The Beatles, baby, just let it be
So come on, put the blame on me, yeah

[VividMind9]

Transparently, it seems like she's playing mind games. If she changes her mind so easily in reference to your relationship and history, what will stop her from doing so again in the future? From your post, you seem to be a very forgiving and understanding person. My advice would be to go no contact, and if she contacts you again, be as straightforward as possible. Ask her what does she expect, want, and view of your relationship now, and in the future. Maybe she's fighting emotions, but without transparent talks, it leaves you confused and unsure. If you feel the emotional rollercoaster is worth it, endure through this to see what'll come of it. Otherwise, it may be wise to cut all contacts with her. You have to choose which version of her is the real one, the one that told you to stay out of her life, or the one showing mixed signals.

[Redheart14]

Those are song lyrics so it's hard to know if it was meant to be for you.

[shypshnius]

Update: she just messaged me earlier today asking: "What are you doing on friday?". I replied that i don't have any plans for the evening. She have not asked me to meet up directly though. Thoughts?

[erwin1973]

Update: she just messaged me earlier today asking: "What are you doing on friday?". I replied that i don't have any plans for the evening. She have not asked me to meet up directly though. Thoughts?

Thoughts? Lots of them. But in the end it is your desicion. Just think rationally. If I would have any advice: reread the answer from @vividmind9.

[shypshnius]

By the way, do you think it would ruin my chances of ever meeting her again if i removed her from friends after she added me? If she asks why i did that, i will just say that i don't feel like playing her mind games anymore.

[VividMind9]

At this point, no. If anything, it may open up the conversation you need to have for clarification. There is the option of taking things in your own hands, and contacting her directly. (Asking why the messages without follow-ups, and if you both are speaking terms again.)That option may backfire though, and observing what you've written it most likely will. It really depends on communication styles and out of everyone here, you know her communication style best.

The most logical route to go is to give each other space, keeping what she previously said in mind, and follow your intuition. If your intuition is telling you to unfriend her on social media then do it. If that's the process you need to move forward, it just is. We have to sometimes take situations as learning lessons and move forward in life. If you've both talked about why you broke up previously, and there were certain habits you've grown to adapt for relationships, move forward and stay try to stay positive. Another perspective to consider is if you broke up because of habits, or personality traits. Our habits we can change, through communication, effort, and learning. Our personality we should never compromise, for it's a major part of making us who we are. I mention this, because it could possibly play a role in your next steps? Did you both part ways due to habits? Or personalities? It is something important to consider, if you're still willing to maneuver through your current uncertainty between your ex.

At the end of the day, all we can give you is advice. Naturally, we are all wired differently and may take different actions in certain situations. I wish you the best, and hope that you take the actions that your intuition tells you to.

[shypshnius]

Honestly, the next time she's gonna message me (if she does), i will just respond with: "I'm sorry, i'm not feeling like playing your mind games anymore. Only message me when you would be willing to see me. I've missed you. Gotta go now. Bye". And i will just leave it like that. What ya think?

[snow]

Those are games you are playing. You either talk to her or you don't. Don't delete her, don't not respond to her and don't tell her about the mind games shit.
She might be playing games or she might not, but it's on you to not continue talking.

If you want to talk to her, talk to her. If you don't want to, don't complain about her not continuing a conversation.

[Chris516]

Shy, This reminded me of something that happened in late 2012. I had re-connected with an online friend I had known ten years at that point.

She was engaged to be married to a guy.

She told me that she had to cut off all contact. Only to be followed days later with accusations of me ignoring her. This happened three consecutive weeks.

Then almost a year later, she contacted me, saying they had broken up. Did this open the door for me. Not really.

I just wanted to tell you my similar experience. Be wary of any face-to-face meetings with the woman.

[erwin1973]

Nice to have you back, Chris.

[Chris516]

Nice to have you back, Chris.

Thank you

[Mariaa]

All that from her and the way she does it seems dodgy. You be careful! If I broke up with a guy and want to get back to him bc I made a mistake, miss him and love him. I will message him straight away to meet and I'll say all that clearly to him and not play with his mind . The choice is yours in the end to follow conversation with her or not but think before you do anything and know that any decision that you make now against your heart feelings that seems very hard to deal with bc it what should be done may be a blessing in the future , from my own experience.

[shypshnius]

Quick update: so yeah.. She messaged me this Friday in the evening once again asking: "what are you doing tomorrow?". She said that it would be fun to meetup since we haven't seen each other for a while. I asked her: "are you sure you want this?" and she said yes. So i called her the next day on Saturday and asked her for a coffee. And you know what? She said: "sorry, i feel tired, not today"... Then i asked her out once again on Sunday and she replied with: "if my friend will let me" and sent me a photo of him sitting next to her in a bar... I assume it's her boyfriend... She also added: "i will message you myself when i need you". I responded with: "sorry, i'm not a doormat and i'm not willing to wait forever". So i'm pretty sure that she's just playing games and ****ing with my mind now for some reason.. Why do you think she would be doing this? Like what's even the point? If she's in relationship with someone else, why would she even message me telling me that she wants to meetup but when i ask her out, she refuses to? Kinda blows my mind..

[erwin1973]

She is doing this because you let her do this.