What does he think of us , friends or more ?

[Mariaa]

HI guys, can you help me with this please:
I've met that German guy on tinder when he has been in my country. We spent three beautiful evenings together, just normal but very enjoyable conversations, no kiss no sex. Since he left, we have been texting everyday for 2 and a half month . We had 4 video calls. He flirts with me sometimes, he shares his daily life with me . I really like him so much and hope for something more but I really don't know what he thinks of me_ btw: he maybe unmatched me on tinder some days ago, I can't really tell if he deleted his tinder account or really unmatched me, we still talk on whatsapp . Am I just a friend ? If I was just a friend, why texting me everyday and putting much effort and why flirting ? Is he messing up with me, like kind of guys who likes attention or like having fans all over the world ? I really can't tell, I'm planning on asking him at a suitable time and afraid of his reaction because he is very shy and get to be cold sometimes but I know I have to ask him. Can I please guys have your opinions about this situation first ?
Thank you 😊

[erwin1973]

Hi Maria and welcome.

Sorry to say, but since none of us here are mindreaders, I think there is no way we can tell you for sure. The only one who knows the answer, is him. Same with with Tinder. Just ask... I know it can be difficult, but asking is the only way.

Good luck.

[Mariaa]

Thank you 😊

[Chris516]

HI guys, can you help me with this please:
I've met that German guy on tinder when he has been in my country. We spent three beautiful evenings together, just normal but very enjoyable conversations, no kiss no sex. Since he left, we have been texting everyday for 2 and a half month . We had 4 video calls. He flirts with me sometimes, he shares his daily life with me . I really like him so much and hope for something more but I really don't know what he thinks of me_ btw: he maybe unmatched me on tinder some days ago, I can't really tell if he deleted his tinder account or really unmatched me, we still talk on whatsapp . Am I just a friend ? If I was just a friend, why texting me everyday and putting much effort and why flirting ? Is he messing up with me, like kind of guys who likes attention or like having fans all over the world ? I really can't tell, I'm planning on asking him at a suitable time and afraid of his reaction because he is very shy and get to be cold sometimes but I know I have to ask him. Can I please guys have your opinions about this situation first ?
Thank you 

Maria, What leads you to believe, that he may have deleted his Tinder account?

[Mariaa]

I don't know Chris, I don't see him anymore on tinder conversations so either he deleted it or unmatched me . The most probability is he has unmatched me I guess, no one delete tinder like that , but it would have a bad meaning .

[Rezie]

it's hard to say. based on this information it sound like you are flirting buddy. He likes the attention and since he is not seeing anyone. There is a possibility he would like to be more but wants to see first. I would ask casually what's the deal.

[Mariaa]

OK thanks, how can I ask without sounding like a freak ?

[samalamadingdong]

Just bring it up casually, be like " Hey I really enjoy your company, our friendship has grown so much... I can't help but think if we were in the same country this would have turned into more by now".... wait for his response?? Or maybe just a simple "What are we? just friends?? because I'm beginning to feel like it's more than just friends?".

I've never met my SO, so we knew we were falling in love with each other from the beginning, the chemistry was amazing and we were inseparable to our phones (still are now lol) our only question was... are we going to do this?? So chances are, he is feeling the way you are but you both need to weigh up a LDR, he's just probably waiting for you to bring it up.

Good luck!! Don't forget to tell us how you go!

[Mariaa]

Thank you , he said he may come again to my country this February, he doesn't know yet if it's sure but I really hope if he can come. I'm waiting to see him in person to bring it up. It's better. If he wasn't able to come, I'm gonna do it during one of our whatsapp conversations.

[Mariaa]

A quick update, we were texting normally like every other day, it seemed to me like everything was going good, we brought the subject of him coming late February, he actually brought it and said that for some work reasons his passport won't be ready for late February and booking tickets from now would be risky. I was cool about it and told him as much as I want to see you again I don't want you to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Then we carried on talking normally. The last reply was mine . After that he didn't text me for 4 days now, I didn't text neither because I didn't wanna seem needy and I assume if he likes me enough he would at least say a hi like he used to. I don't know what that means . Maybe he is not into me like I am into him .... I really don't know .... any thoughts ?

[erwin1973]

Maybe he is not into me like I am into him .... I really don't know .... any thoughts ?

I still stick to my first answer, Maria...

Sorry to say, but since none of us here are mindreaders, I think there is no way we can tell you for sure. The only one who knows the answer, is him. Same with with Tinder. Just ask... I know it can be difficult, but asking is the only way.

[Mariaa]

Thank you Erwin😊

[Chris516]

I don't know Chris, I don't see him anymore on tinder conversations so either he deleted it or unmatched me . The most probability is he has unmatched me I guess, no one delete tinder like that , but it would have a bad meaning .

Ah. Well let me give you two examples of what 'what did you just say'.

Once my SO told me that her cat was "laying on her boobs". At first I thought her choice of words was a sign that she wanted more from me. Then I remembered during the times that I have at her apartment. That her cat would spend all its' time with me, practically avoiding her. So, That kept me in check about her choice of words.

Another is, I asked her early on, if I was boring. Because she barely says anything on the phone. She told me that she doesn't know what to say. Yet, She likes my calling and visiting her.

I talk about my elderly parents' doing this, or that. While they are both above 75, they are still somewhat active and still drive. She can't talk about her parents' that way. Because her mother died of cancer, when my SO was only 33(2002), and her father who has Alzheimers, is in a nursing home.

I talk about daily communications, both online, and on the road(I actively ride my road racing bike in traffic). She doesn't have a computer anymore. But it isn't a sacrifice of major proportions. She rarely used it. It was more like a perch for the cat. She also doesn't have a working bike. She did attempt to get a wheel fixed. But she did pine over not being able to get it fixed.

Have I wondered about the status we have, certainly. But I have relaxed about it.

[Mariaa]

Thank you Chris. I know what you mean, ppl tend to have different reactions to different situations which is very the case here bc him and I are from different culture, mine is warm and we say what we think and we are very affectionate, his is a bit colder than mine . Thank you for opening my eyes about this perspective.

[Mariaa]

Well there is a huge update, he said to me it's not a good idea to come to see me late this month because one : he is gonna go to another country for work one day after he flew back to his home country from my country, he said it's very stressful , two : he said if he comes he is gonna like me soo much and he would want to see me much often and because of his job ( he travels a lot in his job and it's kinda intense) it's complicated to handle the situation. He said he feels lost. I'm as or more lost than he is, I'm gonna graduate this year and wanna move to australia and moving to work there it's a hard long process so my future is scary and unclear specially that now he popped in my life I don't know if I should stick to that plan. Besides all that I wanna be with him , Im ready to go through the long distance thing until we see how it goes but I would like him to be for it too. He said to me that's after one or 2 years he can settle down and work in one country, so in my mind it can be possible to close the distance at one point in some country but it's all seems soo scary for now, I don't even know what say to him after that message he sent me . Some advices or help or anything so just I can reduce my anxiety a little ?