International Long Distance Warning

[Pokkidots]

For the love of God, be careful who you love.

My girlfriend is based in the UK while I'm in the US. No language barrier to stop us, we hit it off after being friends online for a few months having met on Instagram through a mutual interest. At the time I didn't even know I needed a passport to m visit outside the US. I was 19 at the time, now 20. Feel really naive looking back on it.

Things just keep getting harder and harder. I obtained a passport after a couple months, saved up, and visited her for a couple weeks. It went fantastically, leaving was sad, and we planned a much longer visit for a couple months later. In August of last year, I went to stay with her for 5.5 months, as long as I was permitted by law.

Unfortunately, yet again, it went fantastic.

I'm now back in the US and have been for 4 days. This is the *absolute hardest* time of my life. We have something so special, something most people won't have in after looking their whole lives. We understand each other so deeply and care for each other more than we care for ourselves. Despite being naturally socially anxious and needing time to recharge after spending too much time with anybody, we never feel that way around eachother.

We had a plan we made back around the beginning of November. We'd bring her to stay with me in America for 6 months after my time was up. We booked the tickets which costed around £600, all of our savings at the time, for late January to to mid July. At the time, we thought the US nonimmigrant laws were similar to the UK where you can get a 6 month visa at customs if you have some necessary information. This isn't the case though. We later found stays beyond 90 days aren't permitted without a visitor visa.

We set out applying for that. It required an interview at the nearest US embassy, which was in London. We booked it angrily for a month later near Dec. 10th. We unfortunately made it to London not in time for the interview due to awful weather. A lot of time was spent crying in the park by the embassy, which I don't doubt a lot of people have done. It was so much stress on the both of us just to get there and it absolutely broke my heart seeing her in pieces.

We rescheduled for January 4th, a day that will forever live in infamy in my mind. During her interview, she was cut off by the officer early and denied her visa. More crying was done and a pit of absolute despair filled my stomach and still lingers to this day. I find it hard to eat and I'm losing so much weight.

We decided we'd have to settle for throwing away a ticket and settling for 90 days instead. We applied for a 90 day esta which is widely available to nearly ever traveller...

..except for people who have had a visa denied.

Fuck everything honestly. At this point I legitimately wish my existence would end. I no longer have my sunshine in my arms and all I can do is know how hard she's taking everything and do my best to make it better. Why is it so hard for two people who love eachother to be together. We don't know what to do, we don't know how we'll close the distance, we're just a couple kids. Her parents are supportive and want to help us, but we don't know how anyone can help us at this point.

I'm not sure what I'm doing posting this. Please, if nothing else, let it persuade you to avoid these situations. Learn from our mistakes. Please.

[kittyo9]

I hear your story. On this forum, we all understand how it feels to have to be apart from the person we love. With kindness, I would ask you to take a step back and reflect on what you're telling yourself and others. You're in an emotionally strenuous position at the moment and you've had a lot riding on your expectations. Rest on it and regroup. Remember that you still have options.

I know what it's like to have a visa denied. I've been through 3 denials. Visas complicate relationships like nothing else and they can be a PAIN to deal with, and it's really important to do your research before you plan your travel. B2 visa applications are most commonly denied under 214(b), meaning that the officer is not convinced that the person will return home before their visitation period is over. The reason for this is that, historically, a lot of people have come to the US on non-immigrant visas like the B2 and either overstayed (living in the states illegally) or married a US citizen and adjusted their status as a means to circumvent the long and expensive process of applying for an immigrant visa. The officer is trying to avoid that and will often deny a visa if the person applying demonstrates ties to the US (for example, an American SO, or repeatedly staying for very long periods of time) and/or weak ties to their home country (no job, no ongoing schooling, no lease, no property, etc.). It is always advisable to be honest, but I suspect your SO shared too much personal information without being asked and not enough ties to her own country in her interview.

Now for options. Just because she's had a visa denied once does not mean that she cannot try again. However, it is advisable to wait at least a few months, if not a full year before attempting to apply again, so as not to appear desperate (to immigrate). Applying for an ESTA is also not strictly off-limits. As per US Customs and Border Protection:

If you were previously denied a visa, or previously refused entry to the United States, or previously removed from the U.S., your ESTA application will most likely be denied.

That doesn't sound very promising, and I'd agree with you there, but that also doesn't mean it WILL be denied. There are people who have been granted entrance to the states on the VWP who were previously denied a B2 visa (here's one). I do not think you'll have much luck there, but it's a point worth noting.

Aside from that, your SO can still apply for regular visas (B2 or otherwise) like everyone else in the world who can't use the VWP. If she wants to do another visit, I would suggest waiting at least 6 months, planning a much shorter trip (1 month max), and bringing strong evidence like continuing school or a job in the UK. If she doesn't have this, it will be difficult to get a visitor visa, but she can still look at other visa options. A J1 visa will allow her to come to the states as a temporary/seasonal worker (think like internships and summer jobs). She could also apply for university in the US and come to study on an F1 visa, or, if you're eventually ready for it, you can use the K1 (fiancee) or CR1 (spousal) visa to bring her to the states permanently.

Likewise, do not forget that you can still go to the UK. You can elect to study in the UK, and you also have a fiancee and spousal visa at your disposal, should that time come. You can also meet each other in other countries on holiday. I don't recommend going for long stints like you did, as it's not only unrealistic but will also open you up to much harsher questioning from border agents. Maybe try breaking your time up into two 1-month-long trips per year, or something to that effect. You guys aren't going to be kids forever and you'll both eventually need to get full-time jobs and earn more money, especially if you want to see one another a few times a year. Most people in the US don't get more than a couple weeks of vacation, and it's not a good idea to quit a job every time you want to go visit.

Best of luck to you and your SO. Life isn't over; the rules are just a little different now.

[differentcountries]

The biggest problem is that when you plan long trips like these (3-6 months), you are efficiently demonstrating that you dont have a steady job/studies where you otherwise live. And so they will be right to suspect that you are planning to immigrate.

And if you both do it, you are both reducing you chances to be eligble to be a sponsor etc. for a later more permanent visa for your partner/spouse.

We had a visa denyal before SO came here. It turned out that he was wrong that he could apply "by himself". I have to be a sponsor to him (I have to actually sign papers that oblige me to pay should he misbehave and the police would have to escort him). We finally had our visa 1,5 year after we first started to date - our application proved that I had visited him several times including once to his home town (where he does not usually live) and we did A LOT of interview preperations forhand. He then stayed a month and left on the exact day of his promised departure time, so apparently he has some kind of gold star there now and we were promised that he will have no further problems getting a visa for him.

However, for me to support him financially for much more than a month will mean that he looses our on the start of the season (he just left his job 6 weeks, from mid January to end of February to go home) . And I also want him to see his family. So realistically, if he comes here next year, it would be for maximum 3-4 weeks, so that he also has 2-3 weeks with his family. He works minimum 10 hours days EVERY day for 10,5 months, so he really needs that long a holiday to not get exhausted (he had only 2 weeks last year and it was simply not enough). He would also get bored coming here for months, unless he started language school. I have school and work so it would not be like I could entertain him all the time.

I am going back to school now, the main reason being that I need a steady enough job for SO to immigrate later on. If I looked further for jobs as it were, I would be looking at temporary and even short term jobs at best, but with these studies I am almost guaranteed to get longer assignments and possably a steady job. Without a steady income of mine, we can forget immigration. This of course mean that due to school/job obligations, my travel time is really restricted (also, school in itself cost a lot of money in books and travel fees). And I earn less than I would in a full time job. His travel time is restricted from work itself (he can only take holiday time in one stretch so it is not really like we can take turns visiting every other month or even six months). But we are both working hard and paying off whatever debt we have, to focus on a future later.