Need advice or to vent I guess...

[Letdown]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a month. we met on a mutual game we both played. Honestly I really don't know why he decided to talk to me of all people but he did and his charm worked. We met for the first time in October and it was good. We didn't really do much but sit at home and I watched him play video games. I was happy with that because I have anxiety and don't really socialize much.

Are relationship hasn't been bad but it hasn't been great either. In the beginning we talked a lot then after a few months it kind of just went flat. We would talk whenever he decided to message me back and we didn't really skype much. but he would be on skype and ignore my mesages. I understand he had a job but sometimes going weeks without talking hurt and made my anxiety go crazy. At one point he even disappeared on me for like 4 months. I was getting over it and finally getting my life back on track then he randomly appeared again. It was awkward for me so I got the guts to confront him. He said he was going through a hard time and he was sorry and he missed me. I guess I understood. We got back together and it was alright for a few weeks. Then the same him putting are friends over me, the game over me, and not talking for weeks set back in. Sometimes I still get scared he'll vanish again. sometimes I ask myself if I wasn't the one who initiated talking about what happened if he even would have said anything to me. I even wonder if he's cheating, or maybe he's just lonely and embarrassed of me so he hides me. I guess the communication aspect lacks. I know I'm a needy person and sometimes my anxiety gets crazy, but I honestly can't tell if it's me being crazy sometimes or what. He'll message me back some days then others he doesn't. He hasn't told his family about me at all or his friends, he doesn't have me on facebook becuase he "doesn't use it" but he's said before he scrolls trough. He has snapchat but hasn't added me on there because he "doesn't use it" and he doesn't even have my name saved in his phone. Should I be worried? He's said he isn't cheating. I just don't know I guess. When we met in October things were alright. I loved finally being with him and things seemed good in person. I think my lack of trust is because while I was there I was sitting next to him and a plenty of fish notification poped up and he was just like "hahaha, yeahhhh totally forgot I still had that on my phone" and he "uninstalled it" along with another app and it sent my anxiety into a down hill spiral. I didn't say anything instead I left it all in and spent 3 days having a bad panic attack and just told him it was because I didn't want are time together to end and because my friends were hassling me for pictures of the two of us together ( we never took any pictures) I technically wasn't lying. Idk after that I start searching for clues. The slightest thing made me go "someone has been here" he had a bath and body works shower gel but it was just like a cotton smell and I assumed it was from a girl but never said anything. After I left things were alright for a while. Then a mutual acquaintance and a friend of mine were talking about how they wished so and so was back because they were awesome at the game and they could use the help. Then the acquaintance goes "Man he was cool, he sent me a picture of him and his gf then sent me her nudes" Oh boy was I livid. I asked "oh really? when was that?" and he said oh when you guys raided us so like 50 days ago" I was hurt because we were together then and in my mind he was cheating. He described what she looked like and it wasn't me plus we don't have any pictures together so it wasn't me. I confronted him and he didn't reply. I might have blown up his phone for 2 days and after with nothing said I left it. He then replied and said "chill the fuck out it was just a picture i got from google messing with him i'm not cheating on you but think what you want i'm not in the fucking mood i've been in the hospital" I asked him if he was ok and what he was there for but he never said anything after that and ignored me for a bit. He's always told me communication is key but whenever I feel sad or want him or need him he's not there. It's so hard to get his attention. Maybe I'm to needy, maybe I'm to sensitive crazy. Other thing have happened but It's to much to say. I guess what hit rock bottom is when I bought him food and all I wanted to do was talk to him so I asked him if we could call after he was done eating and he said yeah but instead he ditched me. I feel like lately he just see's me as someone who buys him shit. In october I payed for everything. Anything we ate I bought. He has a job but hardly works. He just sits and plays games. I don't mind he likes games I just mind that he has no ambitions or goals. I try to motivate him as much as I can but honestly I'm having issues myself. I guess I shouldn't spend money on him but I just care about him so much. I can't see him going without. I would try to talk to him about all of this but whenever I mention his lack of being there for me he get defensive. I don't ask for much just that we talk or call like once in a while but he can't do that for me. I feel like i'd just do anything for him but when it comes to me would he really? He says he cares and says he's happy. He hasn't told me I love you and I'll never rush him on that but will he ever love me? Sometimes I think he's still not over his ex. he mention her a how "horrible all his ex's were and how they all cheated" Does he think I'm just another girl? Is he scared I'll hurt him so he pushes me away? I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Currently waiting for him to text me but hasn't. he ignored my message but has been on skype. ugh....

I'm sorry for the venting and sorry if I sound dumb. I just don't know how to discuss any of this with him without him either ignoring it or getting to defensive.... I guess that's why I keep all of how I feel in. Then I show my sadness with telling him constantly How much he means to me and I'm sorry for being weird or sad...I'm a mess tbh... any thoughts? Am I so anxious because idk how he really feels and because of the things that happened? or am I just crazy. you can be as honest as needed. I know I'm not perfect. I'm very emotional and sensitive and have to work on myself. I'm trying, though. One step at a time.

[hmrambling]

Welcome to LFAD.

You describe a person who has no ambitions or goals, a freeloader, and who isn't trustworthy. What are you still doing with him?

[autumn1790]

Agreed with hmrambling. If he's constantly disappearing or ignoring you, there's no point in sticking around. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and doesn't turn the blame on your head when he screws up. It's highly likely you're not the only girl in his picture...POF sends a million messages--not possible to "forget" you have it. Dump his sorry butt and try to move on...

[Kerry92]

Im in agreement with the last two replys. You should deffo dump his free loading,time wasting, using ass fast other wise he is just gonna walk all over you and use you till he finds an excuse to throw your away. He is not worth your time or effort. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve someone who will return your feelings somone who will listen to you and take in your thoughts and emotions. You can do so much better. It may be hard but move on and forget about him its for the best. Good luck!

[Lune]

Hey =)

I just read your whole text and it makes pretty sad and angry in some way. On one side I get, that when you love someone you really want things to work. But what he gives you are so many refuses and treats you disrespectful, that it's pretty much at once. Especially when he knows about your anxiety and all. A committed relationship means, to be there for another, talk about the individual needs and wishes and find ways to connect and combine them together. But what happens here, is far away from for many reasons:

- You don't talk for weeks and he even disappeared for months without saying something?
- He ignores your messages
- You think he is cheating very often
- You even visited him and it sounds like he did not put effort into doing anything nice together and was focussed more on playing his games. You don't have to go outside to big crowded places or anything to have a special time. And when that is okay for you it's alright. But normally your time together especially in a LDR where you don't get so much of it in many cases should be mainly about the two of you doing something you both enjoy and can have good memories of then. Maybe you did, here it does not seem so on first sight though.
- He is in some social media, but always when you ask about it he "does not use it" or "forgets he has it"? That is super weird. Sure there are people who are not active so much all around the clock, yet this behavior is very suspicious. How can you forget an app when so many messages pop up even with this other one you mentioned?
- You never took a picture together. What did he say when you told him you wanted some or did he care at least for you being so worried in your panic attack?
- Then the thing with the nude pics, if they really were from google, well he still lied about them and what he did is not nice. And if they are real, it is veeeery critical, since whoever let him take them surely trusted him and does not want them to be sent around or gossipped about it. It's just disrespectful to you and also to whoever he might also have flings with.
His reaction to it says much, too. Like he takes it out in you, wants to turn it around with him being the one in a bad situation because suddenly he was being in the hospital. And when you want to know more he goes into the ignoring phase again. That is pretty toxic.

So are everything else you mention. He lets you pay for things. He has no motivation for anything himself nor is he there for you. When you want to figure out stuff, he blocks it all the way.

And to your questions in the end:
"I don't ask for much just that we talk or call like once in a while but he can't do that for me. I feel like i'd just do anything for him but when it comes to me would he really?" -> He already shows you he does not. With not answering for weeks, months. Ignoring you. Treating you bad when you are around, like with you getting food for him and he ditching you instead.

You sound like such a caring loving person and you should have someone who can and wants to catch you and be there for you. Not someone who uses your sense of being too nice and enjoys the care without giving something more back than refusal and you feeling even worse. Being happy or saying he cares has no use for you when he cannot show it in even simple actions. For me it just seems like he wants to keep you somehow because you pamper him with your attention and money. It's harsh to say, but it's how it is unfortunately.

So like the others I would suggest to end it and getting over it. You made it to some point like this before, when he was gone for those 4 months, so you can do it again, getting some closure for you and give you the chance to heal, find someone else who treats you better someday and to find your own way more, too, also to deal with your anxiety.

All the best!