I'm so hurt.

[machstx]

he hurts my feelings sometimes so much and then just blows me off like im overreacting. i cant stand it. i want to scream at him and say really mean s*&$ to hurt him as much as he hurts me. but i dont because once you say something you cant take it back. then he finally texts and says" ok. im sorry i didnt mean to hurt your feelings". i need more than an im sorry over a text. show some emotion! im sick of feeling like this. he makes me cry and doesnt even realize it. ive told him and told him how he hurts me and he just blows it off. i dont know what to do to get through to him that he needs to be more sensitive to my feelings. also he isnt good with im sorrys and being all sweet infact i think thats part of it all. because were in an LDR i need more of that kind of attention and he just cant give it to me. i could just cry im so frusterated with him.

[Edyn]

Ahh I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better. The only thing I can say is that I know exactly how that feels and it's worse that the initial thing you were upset over. I feel for you.

[Rosebud]

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that Some people really aren't good with stressful emotions and I don't think he really intends to ignore you or make you feel like he doesn't care about you. But as he can't physically see how upset you are that probably also lends itself into his trying to shrug off the bad feelings and just move past it. Not that I think this is right, but I have learned this is just how some guys deal with these kinds of situations. Not that I'm saying this is the right way to deal with it since I really don't. I know you said sorries over text don't work, are you able to call him? So he can actually hear your voice and not hide from you? If so I recommend calling him, not when you're all frustrated as you are now, but calm down a little bit. Perhaps writing down your thoughts would help you think a little clearer as well, really make it clear to yourself just what exactly what kind of response you would like from him, and then figure out WHY. It's this WHY that is very important and what you need to communicate to him. You can't really force him to show emotion since some people do deal with their emotions in such a way, but I do think he needs to work a little more in meeting you halfway so you can interpret his actions a little better and so you can feel cared for.

I'm sorry you're so upset though and I know it's a horrible feeling to be put through Many hugs!!

[Dauntedpoet]

I am so sorry your hurting. One thing I will say is that texting leaves words open to interpretation, you don't hear the inflections in their voice, and you don't see there eyes or facial expression or body language. His saying " ok. im sorry i didnt mean to hurt your feelings". Is a nice apology if he's said it with honesty and feeling, those things don't show up in text.

Hugs

[Èternity]

I think it takes a lot of strength to not be mean back so I think that's great.

Is it the same issue over and over again that goes unresolved? Does it happen at the same time of the day or night? 'Sorry' is ok for the first time it happens but sounds like even that is really hollow at best.

What's the common theme when he hurts your feelings?

[Silviar]

If he loves you, he shouldn't hurt you.

Since it happens often, it's now becoming a pattern. Tell him to either learn to work with you, or boot his ass out the door, because you don't deserve to be treated like that. And the way you mentioned its evolution can be a red flag for an emotional manipulator. Just be careful hun.

[LadyMarchHare]

Whether it's intentional that he 'blows you off' when you say 'hey I'm hurt' or not, that needs fixing. Waiting x amount of minutes or hours to go 'oops I screwed up' isn't good enough because YOU'RE still hurt and really that's like he got his ear pulled until he mumbled it out without meaning to just to get past it for his own means. There's an obvious wall between you guys and it seems he put it up, brick by brick. He needs to look into either some sensitivity training or counseling, but you can't exactly force him to go and chances are that will spark a fight.

If he's mistreating you this much and causing you more grief than joy, either tell him you need a break or leave him. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who won't see your problems and unhappiness as insignificant.

[Tanja]

Maybe write him a long email and tell him exactly how you feel and how much he hurts you?
If he still continues to treat you the same way he's clearly just being mean and inconsiderate and you don't deserve that.

If he loves you he's gotta learn to show it!

[Karringtyn]

You stated that you have communicated how you feel to him and he doesnt listen. I give you props for opening up and telling him how you feel.

I would take a step back and reevaluate...you yourself said you need more emotionally and he can't give that to you.

So now what? You stated what you feel...so has he....

It's either a meet in the middle type of thing...or you decided if this relationship truly is giving you what you need and is worth it.

[NikkiP]

If he loves you, he shouldn't hurt you.

Since it happens often, it's now becoming a pattern. Tell him to either learn to work with you, or boot his ass out the door, because you don't deserve to be treated like that. And the way you mentioned its evolution can be a red flag for an emotional manipulator. Just be careful hun.

This pretty much sums up what I was going to say. I spent a good four years in a relationship where I really loved someone and so I just sort of... dealt with the way he made me feel. BUT there is somebody out there who isn't going to tell you that you're overreacting and they'll know how to love you. Things still won't be perfect, but they will be better than with someone who downgrades your feelings!

[paulawriteslove]

*hugs* he shouldn't be hurting you this bad. I think you need to talk to him and get your feelings across.

[skinbyrd85]

Personally I wouldn't be putting up with it. I've been through so much crap where I've let the guy walk all over me "for the sake of the relationship". But in a healthy relationship, both people respect each other's feelings and don't repeat things that they know will hurt the other person. Now I am a complete stroppy bit*h when he hurts my feelings, and it's actually really effective. I know exactly what my standards are and under no circumstances do I allow those to be compromised.

One thing that was really good for me, and I wonder if it might help you, is that when I was still single I wrote down exactly what my standards were around how I would allow a potential partner to treat me. At the top of the page I wrote "My Boundaries" and made a bullet-point list:
- "I will only date men who can express their feelings in a healthy way"
- "I will only date men who have respect for women and treat me as a strong, competent individual"
- "I will only get in to a serious relationship with someone if they are ready, willing and happy to make a long term commitment to my daughter and I"
- "I will not fit my life in around someone else's - I will pursue my own goals and interests and what is best for myself and my child"
- "I will do as much as I can to live my life free of the restrictive stereotypes that society places on my gender, and require validation and approval only from my self." (I was raised by a hard core feminist hahaha :P )

Interestingly, as soon as I decided on these boundaries and started living by them, I met my SO who is completely honest about his feelings (boundary no. 1); respects me and loves the fact that I am strong, fiery and perfectly capable of running my own life (no. 2); insists on providing for my daughter and I and already loves her as his own; and supports my interests and encourages me to go for what I want in life, and encourages me to do what's best for my girl. Not that he doesn't have his flaws - we both do - but it was like as soon as I decided on what my standards were and wouldn't settle for less, the Universe/God/Whatever higher power is out there grabbed my soulmate, who lives up to all those standards and more, and dumped him smack bang in the middle of my path for me to find.

My honest opinion is that you really need to first, decide on your boundaries, thinking about how YOU deserve to be treated and what is best for YOU as a person and in a healthy relationship; and second, really let rip the next time he does something that hurts you. He won't stop doing it if you keep letting him get away with it.

I hope this has helped a bit - I know I'm a hard-ass; it's not an approach that many women - that I've seen anyway - tend to take, but for me it actually works. :P Good luck with everything, I hope things get better!!

[Andy]

I agree that you need to tell him exactly how he's making you feel, it's not fair for you to go on like this. A long email like Tanja suggested might do the trick. This way you can take your time to say exactly what you mean and use the right words rather than not quite getting your point across as well on the phone maybe...

[Caitlin2009]

if he's doing that then really tell him, not just "hey im hurt" but a very long wordy email about how your feeling

[machstx]

thanks for all the concern guys! your all sweet we have talked since and he "blows me off" in attempts to get over it...move on basically from a fight. and ive explained that i am not able to do that i need the issue addressed. he is really working on being more adept to my emotions. he is begining to ounderstand that just because he thinks it shouldnt hurt my feelings doesnt mean it doesnt.

thanks again