Feel tired of this 😒

[SimplyComplicated]

I don't know what should i do about this?

We have been together for almost a year.
We have our ups and downs.

And right now,I'm just tired of this,just tired cos i feel I'm the only one making effort.

I know he is in a busy situation, his visa will end soon,he needs to get the job before his visa ends,his father retired and he needs to support his family,he is trying to take language classes as many as possible before his visa ends.
And he wish for staying there not goinng back to his hometown for work.

His family doesn't know about me yet,cause he said this is not the right time,cos he is need to focus for himself to make his family proud.

He has a bad past,his exes all leave him for other men,cos he is not ready yet,thats why he said he doesn't want to put to much in this relationship.

I am helping him with financial everytime he need,he never ask directly but indirectly.

He will be nice when he needs me but when he is busy i feel like he is ignoring me,when i ask why he said im just busy,whenever he has a free time he doesn't make extra effort to contact me,he message me one twice but if i didn't response so be it.
And when i came online late he will say i have a free time earlier but u weren't available.
But when he need something to ask or discuss he will contact me till i response.

I only ask him,if he is busy okay i will try tonunderstand but update me,like when he woke up or he is otw to work and when he reach home,thats all.

But he said he feel suffocated about that cos he never do that to anyone,and he said he is keep in touch with his friend n family only once in 2 weeks.
If he was online on fb or whatsapp he said it was about class or work not for fun.

He doesnt like to chat in the morning cos he is not a morning person,he doesn't like to chat while otw cos its so dificult to types,but sometimes he is online also,and when ge got back from work he usually doesn't have a good mood.
And even asking him hows ur day its a stupid question for him cos the answer ofcourse he is tired.

So i really don't know what should i do?
I am willing to wait but i don't want to waste my time also
And I'm tired of his attitudes.

Please i need ur guys input and advices.

Thanks so much.

[SimplyComplicated]

And on top of that ,i just checked just now that he come back on that dating site

[Kerry92]

By the sounds of what you have written it seems like he is using you. The fact he puts no effort into communication unless its to ask for help or money is just appauling. You say he is only nice when he needs you which again to me sounds like he is just using you and taking you for granted plus "its not the right time to tell his family about you" that just sounds like an excuse to me.

He clearly doesnt care about you or your feelings we are all busy with jobs and family but even the busiest of us make even a small moment to speak to the person we love be it a quick call or text.

You deserve soo much better than this you deserve someone who will treat you like a person and not an emotional trashcan/bank. You deserve to be loved and cherished and not dragged along like bait always wondering when he will maybe give you the time of day. You are better than this and him.

And as for him being back on the dating site...well further proof that he doesnt care about you. If I was you i would cut all ties with this man and forget about him he is not worth all the time and effort you have given him.

Stay strong you are an amazing person to put up with so much when so many would have crumbled!

[SimplyComplicated]

Hi thanks for replying,

Got in a long arguements with him about he is back on dating site,he said he just went there for checking why he is still got the email while im not.

He won't deactivated the account but he won't go back there also according to him.
Cos he said i have to try to trust him fully and that dating site is not a big deal,he is not looking for someone else.

When i said if u respect me enough u should deactivated the he said he respect me but he respect himslef also and its more fro his self esteem.

He wanted a relationship that he can be his own, and he said if i can't trust him about that dating site and his purppsed going there then how i will trust him for the lifetime.

I wish there are some more reply cos seriously im just tired about this and hurt but the other part if i end this then i have to get to know someone elses,and honestly i really don't like meeting new people

[Kerry92]

The only person without respect here is him. He doesnt respect you at all so pushing the "Il keep it if i want" attitude is just more proof of how he really doesnt care about you. He keeps pushing the blame on you for things he is doing dont fall for this he is in the wrong here.
The fact you have stayed this long shows you trust him with everything but he just keeps abusing your trust and emotions time and time again. As for the dating site not being a big deal..actually it is a big deal I know if i found my SO on a dating site i would be furious and it would be a deal breaker. Im sorry but im not buying his excuse for being on it and the whole self esteem skint is just bullshit.

He is a using ass disrespectful guy. You need to get away fron him. You have put up with more than enough of his attitude and excuses its time to start doing things to help yourself. I know it wont be easy but staying wont help you feel any better he isnt going to change and his attitude towards you is only going to get worse. Its hard to meet new people i understand but that can come later you nees to focus on whats best for you right now and honestly he isnt.

[erwin1973]

If I may be very blunt... if he wants a relationship where he can be on his own, he should buy himself a cat...

I agree with Kerry92: he's using you and you let it happen. Just get out of this toxic relationship as soon as you can. It's for your own good.

Be strong.

[C.C.]

I'll give an unpopular opinion here. But seriously guys, everyone has their own amounts and wavelengths of communication. You can't automatically expect someone to be on the same as yours. People actually feel bothered by too much talking especially when they have to work and everyone has their own different culture that also plays a role.

He should make more effort yes but you should also understand that what you are asking him isn't necessarily common sense or something that comes naturally to him. It only happens to you because you are different. He told you that he doesn't communicate that way with anyone besides you either. And using FB or other social media for work only? I have done that A LOT. I am computer science major and I communicate a lot while working on projects and generally when I am stressed my only social activity besides my SO is writing my coursemates about uni related stuff. On top of that I have a habit of scrolling through social media quickly to distract myself a bit without ever involving myself in anything there. If you continue tracking of when he's online and not you are going to drive yourself crazy.

You don't trust him when he says what and how he is and you guys haven't reached any mutual understanding. That's the main problem in that part and not that he's "bad" or "using you" or dunno. Like I am dating a Finn and one of the biggest things that we have established is giving each other space. However, we never fully skip a day either but that's because he doesn't work right now and we have got lots of free time. We'd never skip goodnights even if he did but I'd not mind if he was hurrying to work in the morning and couldn't write me and I never ever expect him writing me when he is working or doing something serious.

If anything you might just have to admit that you are simply too different in terms of what you need and can give and make decisions based on that, either to work on those differences or to end things.


HOWEVER, whatever I talked about above is really really unrelated from this:

And on top of that ,i just checked just now that he come back on that dating site

Like what the hell? Totally bring it up with him and ask for an explanation. That is NOT an okay behaviour no matter what and it wouldn't be so even if he was super good at communicating. So definitely address it.

[erwin1973]

That is what I like at this site. People have their own opinion about things and see things from a different point of view. So after reading CC's comment, I absolutely see what she means. So, I'm not OP of course, but CC: thank you. Always nice to read your posts and see your opinion.

[SimplyComplicated]

Hi guys new update,

He just deactivated again the accounts,he gave me proof and tell me to check on it.
And he ask what should he do again to make me feel better??

Btw i don't message him at all after i told him to deactivated and he said that time that he won't deactivated.

Yeah thank you so much for all the advise an opinion.

Really i can understand him also,that he is in a very bad condition but asking to keep in touch everyday, is it too much??

But for me staying active in dating site with whatever reason he said is not make sense at all.

I know why he go back there but then deactivated again.

And one think makes me very confused why he argued with me so much,with a few words that rude and mean if at the end he will deactivated.

[Mariaa]

He is using you , not doubt about it . You seem a very nice person so please stop all that bad situation, you deserve way better.

[C.C.]

So, I'm not OP of course, but CC: thank you. Always nice to read your posts and see your opinion.

Aww, thank you!

And one think makes me very confused why he argued with me so much,with a few words that rude and mean if at the end he will deactivated.

If you don't mind me asking what rude and mean words did he use?

[SimplyComplicated]

That he care about himself more then anything,and when i said u should consider how i felt,he said its ur problem not mine.
For me its kinda mean

[erwin1973]

That he care about himself more then anything,and when i said u should consider how i felt,he said its ur problem not mine.
For me its kinda mean

That is not 'kinda mean', that is outright disrespectful and it's showing you who he really is.

[Kerry92]

I whole hardheartedly agree with erwin1973. He does nothing but show you more and more who he really is and how little he actually cares for you.

[SimplyComplicated]

And last week he asked about my email and password for enrolling to an online course.

And yesterday i brought this up,i told him if i don't trust him,how can i share my privacy to him.

And he said he never forced me to give it.

Yeah i feel that also.
And whats more hurting was,he asked me to help him with a plane ticket to go to the forum,n i have sent the money last week.
This morning again i was asking him how about his ticket and he said i never give him a peace of mind always so curious.
He said its not my problem,i already sent the money so thats all should i know,once he wantto let me know he will.

Isn't it too much?or im being too negative and take everything too personal like he said?
So i really confuse about all of that.