2 months in. Jay first messaged me on tinder in mid-December. A cute quirky long message that caught my attention saying, "you are beautiful.. I have told my mom about you and were gonna get married and have a daughter named Aaliyah and a son named thrankasaurus rex..." It was cute and I replied with the same humor. I never knew a guy from tinder would catch my attention like that.Then I learned Jay was in the Navy and stationed in Japan. Two weeks later, we talked more and made each other very happy with sweet messages of love and appreciation. We facetimed and smiled and joked about our future marriage and a part of me thought it was going to be true and so did he, according to him. Not immediately, but of course after years of being together we could grow into something. It felt so perfect for a moment. I was still putting my guard up and reminding myself I have never met this person and things can be different in person. I had just gotten out of a 2.5 yr long nasty, abusive relationship. It was very hard for me to move on from and Jay was the only person I found comfort in. I opened up to him in letters and priority mailed the sweetest box to his military address. I wrote him a poem, kissed the letter with his favorite lipstick, and sent him his favorite snacks with a japanese valentines day card. I had never done this to anyone but I felt like he truly deserved it. Especially after being treated the way I did in the past, I was very kind and loving to him. He got it and was very appreciative of everything. Then, things started changing when he got sent to Nevada for training. Nevada is colder and isolated. He is a virgo and I am a Libra. He is a natural pessimist and I am very intuitive. This might explain his actions. . I knew something wasn't right. I kept asking him and still attaching my usual sweetness and support. I barely got any acknowledgement. He kept telling me it was spotty service. (He is using a Japanese phone with 2G speeds) But the times we did talk there was no chemistry like it used to. I gave him a few hours and didn't talk to him and told me what hes been feeling all along.He says hes been feeling depressed and that it's hard for him to love and be loved. He is afraid that he will fall head over heels for me and I will end up leaving him or breaking his heart. He says its because of his ex.His ex basically used him for money and ghosted him. The last time she did that was New Years Eve. The first letter I wrote him was dated January 7th. Of course for anyone, that Is moving on too fast. What upsets me the most is when I first asked him how long ago they ended things, he said it was in May. 8 months is a hell of a difference. I understand I may have moved too fast. But if only he would have told me his situation I would have tried to be more of a friend than someone who was trying to smitten him. He wants to be someone of interest still but take things slower.My problem lies within the fact that I would have to deal with his issues more than I would have to deal with mine. His health is also deteriorating.I am a very supportive person but he sounds very unhappy. I do not know him enough to be that person for him. It also saddens me that two weeks ago he told me how I brought joy and meaning to his life and now its back to darkness. It felt like I did something wrong. On top of this, its very hard to be shown appreciation in a long distance relationship. I do not open up very often, so I don't know if I should continue to work on this relationship. I agree we should take things slow. But it's not good to lead someone on like that and play games. I despise dealing with exes. I dealt with a huge issue in my last relationship. I dont want to deal with the consequences of other peoples action's again. Also, he was in slight contact with his ex's family and I found out through Facebook. I asked him if he is over what the ex did and he says he is not. He wallows in self-pity everyday over it. I certainly do not want to be someones rebound or replacement and I am too good of a person to be hurt again. I cannot trust him, what is a LDR without trust? Am I being too harsh on him or should I put my foot down? * He is not married not does he have children*
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Last edited by lolita157; February 20, 2018, 03:13 PM. -
Welcome to LFAD!
I suggest that you take it easy and be friends until he is over his ex. How can he honestly pursue a relationship with you while he is not over his ex?
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