The end.. feeling lost

[HayleyFae]

This is my first post in her and I'm just feeling very lost.

I met my LDR on holiday in 2016, he lives in the US and myself in the UK. Over 18 months we saw eachother 7 times. I asked him how our relationship was moving forward more seriously and he acted as thought he had no idea what I was talking about and said he was going to step back a bit. I was totally confused and he pretty much ghosted me. I was completely hurt with no closure and 4 months later he messaged me happy birthday, telling me how wonderful I am and how happy he is I entered his life. I responded saying I was confused and I'm not sure why he left, and he's never responded.

I feel so hurt that he's done this and won't even have a conversation with me. I find it difficult as my friends don't seem to take it seriously as I didn't see him all the time it kind of wasn't 'real'.

Thank your for reading! Xx

[Littlewhiteflower]

I think you're better off without him. Being ghosted is horrible for someone. I know how it is as it happened to me. I still don't know what happened and will never know because I ended up blocking him as a way to go over it. I was always hoping he would give me an explanation for his sudden silent, while he did not care at all and it was making me sick. It's a direct attack to the self-esteem honestly as you wonder what you did wrong.

The thing I understood with time is that you did not do something wrong. It just happened and you have to move on. Honestly, you should block him and not try to get an answer. He won't give you one. He probably already has another girl with who he will do the same thing.

I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not easy. Just give you some time to get over it. Don't listen to people telling you it wasn't real. You have the right to be sad and to be hurt.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Honestly, It sounds like he isn't ready for a relationship and doesn't knwo ho to handle the fact you do want to be serious with him. Taking a step back is fine, however disappearing for 4 months only to come back and try act like nothing happened isn't at all. My ex actually did this a bit with me, she would ignore me for weeks on end and then come back and pretend nothing was wrong. Even when we broke up with she still sent me happy birthday messages and tried to chat with me, but if i ever tried to actually chat back to her she'd get cold and stop replying. I was under the impression for a while we could maybe even just be friends, but yeah decided it wasn't worth confusing myself and feelings over her if she wasn't really into it.

Bottom line here is you need to try get over him. He's proven he doesn't really want to be with you if he can go 4 months without speaking to you. I know its hard but honestly remove him from your life, you'll feel so much better. Best of luck

[Sun_King]

Coming from someone who had and still has minor communication issues from time-to-time (primarily my fault), I agree with leaving the situation. There's no excuse other than lack of able-bodied or mindedness (as in severe physical and mental defects and/or no communication devices, but even that's a stretch) for your "SO" of all possible things to not message/communicate with you for MONTHS at a time after formal commitment. I speak as someone guilty of not communicating and not knowing how to function in a relationship at first. I was really bad about following up (days at most) in the beginning but me and my SO talked it out and how it made her feel. Of my own accord I make it a habit to message her every morning and to chat (almost) every evening when possible.

It doesn't take a whole lot, just some effort. And don't pay mind to those opinions from the people not taking LDR seriously. Even now as a 25 yeaar old man if I bring my SO up to relatives or family friends when I visit they think of her as a stranger or "that girl" but it's a given. Not my job to substantiate or impress them. Not even family. It happens to every one of us. What matters is how it feels between you and your partner, (or former partner, dependant on what you decide to do). A good majority of us have been and felt crushed before. It takes a while to heal, get your composure, and keep on keepin' on, but you eventually do. If it's meant to me he will man-up to his wrongs and show it in his actions that he cares. If he is all talk or in this case, no talk and no action, then keep it moving.