Please, i need help, i really need to know what to do fast.

[LadyMarchHare]

Considering I'm both bipolar and schizophrenic and I don't pull those stunts, I can tell you that's not what she has. Even unmedicated, I do not act anywhere near the way you've described she does. At any rate, it's not your place to diagnose or really anyone else's, we can only say there IS something wrong with her and that she does indeed need help.

Like I said before, she is definitely under some heavy delusions and what seems like very impulsive behavior, which might explain her nomadic preference. It's very hard to accept someone you care about is ill in any form, whether physically or mentally, and you have to know that even if she gets help tomorrow, it could take years to clear up or it may never go away. But with her crying rape, acting out, and wandering off without much word it's really not a good idea to be with her, no matter how you feel. There's something called a boundary, we set it with people who we know are bad for our health and happiness. It can be anywhere from talking to them less and not being as close to cutting them from your life entirely. It's hard to do when you care, but exactly what are YOU gaining from all of this besides that romanticized "oh I've never felt this way, we just click" feeling?

[Karringtyn]

I AM going to school to be a therapist...but I will not try to diagnose your girlfriend based on what you have told us. BUT I will repeat myself once again. What about YOU? What is this giving you? What are YOU getting from this? What is the payoff?

If I were you..I would reach out for someone to talk to...someone who can guide you through this...because NOONE deserves to be treated like this. You can't "save" her....too often we think that by loving someone it will "fix" them...it's temporary...eventually everything comes out.

[ryanscriven]

;Well its just kinda hard to describe it, Im not the best writer out there, its more than just that "click" feeling. I wouldnt have stuck in here if i didnt feel something substantial. and aside from these moments, granted they are getting worse, i gain alot actually, i mean.. i know its crazy, and maybe i am lying to myself, but i like to say she is my best friend, and up till this i honestly believed that.
thinking about it, schizophrenia does seem a little much, but seriously, the symptoms just seemed too strong to me when i compared them to how she acts, how she behaves,
i am not seeking to diagnose her, i just wanted to formulate some idea, maybe help to recommend her to someone, i think that if i just said that she should go talk to someone it wont dhave any effect, but i need to remember that there isnt much more than that i can do. I am working up the nerve to talk to her, im just not going to rush into the conversation, i dont want to be emotional if i can help it, which i already know is impossible.
would anyone recommend having someone else in the conversation? a mediator maybe? should i contact her parents? seeing as this probably wont end with us being together, if so, before or after i would talk to her?

yeah, I think the biggest reason i have had a difficult time with facing the truth that there is something wrong is that i cant stand to lose another person to an illness, regardless of this being somethign that will always be there or not. I lost my 12 year old brother last year to mitochondrial disease. i was in the father role for him for almost his whole life, and had to watch him degrade, now to watch it happen to someone else, different scenario completely, but still the same general concept is gut wrenching for me.
and your points about boundaries really sticks out to me, i dont think ive been good about setting those.

[Dauntedpoet]

I think you were right about getting help for yourself to deal with this situation. Your personal boundaries relating to yourself, are not what they should be, you've had an emotional trauma that you need to deal with in your brothers decline and death.

You really could end up in a serious legal mess, her love of moving around is because she is trying to keep her illness whatever it may be hidden. There is no way her parents don't know or haven't been told before. Distance yourself, get yourself help, and then you can help her, should you choose to.

[ryanscriven]

Thank you everyone. All the help, is so appreciated. if anyone wants to add more, they can, im always open to as much advice or opinions as possible.

and once I do talk to her, come what may, i will update you all.

again, thank you, so much.

[LadyMarchHare]

You can try talking to her and seeing if she'll willingly get help. If not, call someone who can have her admitted or at least brought to the hospital for an evaluation. They may not even admit her and instead have her go through an outpatient therapy program. Either way, she needs help and she needs it yesterday. I understand you feel you get more from this than you can express, but with you saying you feel she's your best friend: that requires trust. You said yourself she's a liar and it sounds like her story changes a mile a minute, that's not something you look for in a friend, much less a girlfriend. And really you're limited in options not only because of the distance, but because you're not in any position of authority to make sure that she does get help because you aren't family and you're not related, you're a concerned outsider.

Like I said this stuff will take a long time to clear up, if it does at all. You can't ever be sure as many things factor into the process. I wish you the best of luck.

[Michelle]

would anyone recommend having someone else in the conversation? a mediator maybe? should i contact her parents? seeing as this probably wont end with us being together, if so, before or after i would talk to her?

I think you would be setting yourself up to get into HUGE trouble. Her parents are going to believe their daughter before they believe you. I know you mean well and I know you love her, but I really think the situation you are about to put yourself in is not going to be worth it and could ruin your reputation if her parents decide to press charges against you.

Sometimes you have to think with your head, not just your heart.

[Tanja]

I think it's a good idea having someone else there with you when you talk with her, that might tone her down a bit with lies and possible accusations if they are only meant to hurt you and she wouldn't go shouting them to any outsider...

I have to say I don't think this relationship is very healthy for you, I think it will distort your image of yourself and lower your self-esteem when you have to put up with her moods and lies. I hope you can get through to her by talking but I seriously doubt it, it's obvious she's got some sort of a mental problem behind all this, maybe caused by the way she was raised or the religious pressures, I don't know. But unless she agrees to seek some professional help this relationship can not end well, no matter how well you "click".

[paula.mercadal]

I'm sorry Ryan :/
I've had a friend that had a lying problem, she made up stories to impress me, she played with feelings, made up the perfect guy for me, made me get away from my bestest friend that I considered as a sister, and all that you can possibly imagine... and when I found it out it was very shocking... and I got away from her forever... :/
There's nothing much you can do, she needs professional help.
I cannot tell you what to do, coz it's up to you, it's your life and ur decisions should be respcted; but me, personally, though loving the partner very freaking much, I would get away. I know we should stand by the ones we love, but sometimes it doesnt worth the scars...
Just wanted to show you my support, I really hope you get to make it right for you, you seem to be a very nice guy
Stay cool hun

[lisaar910]

I don't know if you'd be open to it and you may not think it's related to this at all, but have you considered talking to someone? I don't think you're crazy or anything, but it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. I'm sure it would help to talk to someone about all of this. After my dad passed away, I saw a therapist for awhile. It really helped, and I found myself talking about a lot more than just grieving. You might give it a shot. You don't have to be "crazy" to see a therapist.

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't know if you'd be open to it and you may not think it's related to this at all, but have you considered talking to someone? I don't think you're crazy or anything, but it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. I'm sure it would help to talk to someone about all of this. After my dad passed away, I saw a therapist for awhile. It really helped, and I found myself talking about a lot more than just grieving. You might give it a shot. You don't have to be "crazy" to see a therapist.

This is a good idea. Therapist or counselor, it would give a safe place to talk and they'd have the expertise to say what can or can't be done regarding the girl as well as teach you some coping skills, cognitive thinking, and other ways to get through it all.

[ryanscriven]

Well... its over, and now i've started to fall apart. thank you everyone for helping me. its really appreciated

[Tanja]

I'm sorry Ryan, I know this must be hard for you. I do think this is for the best though because you have to think about yourself and what's good for you and makes you happy.
I'm sorry you're hurt and she hurt you. Did she agree to go see a counsellor?

I hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

[faith5x5nomore]

I also think this girl is in need of some serious help and agree with the others. However if you continue to keep seeing her and she doesn't get the help she needs you really need to take every and any steps possible to protect yourself, make everyone around you aware of the situation including counslers and clergy. You might find yourself in a heap of trouble because if these lies and any other future lies she will tell to get attention. You need to protect yourself !!! I wish you all the luck in the world and I am sorry to say this but I think your going to need it.

[LadyMarchHare]

Well... its over, and now i've started to fall apart. thank you everyone for helping me. its really appreciated

I think perhaps it was for the best but I know you're hurting all the same. We're all here if you need us.