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How to not feel guilty/weak for relying on my partner?

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    How to not feel guilty/weak for relying on my partner?

    Almost two months ago my LDR turned into a CDR as my partner and I closed the distance. He chose to move from England to Australia to be with me and also pursue a better lifestyle. My father helped my partner get a local job, working 3 months straight with the potential for longer employment, and earning big dollars. At the time of his arrival, I was in two casual jobs and only just scraping by. I had hoped one of the jobs would turn into a positive experience, both within myself and my bank account, however it never ended up reaching that point. I was unfairly dismissed from the job, and my second job is currently at a standstill. Basically at the moment I am unemployed and have no form of income.

    I have savings, thankfully, but I do not want to dip into it too much as it's meant to be for my future. Right now I'm looking for new employment, without much success so far, and I don't know how long things will be this way. I've avoided relying on my partner, money-wise, however I worry soon that I will have to. Although he keeps his money close to his chest, I think in knowing my difficult situation that he would help me when I really need it, but I can't help myself from feeling guilty and weak to have to rely on him at all. I have always been one who enjoys earning and paying my own way, I think a lot of people do. So being in this position has really made me feel miserable. I shouldn't have to resort to asking for help from my partner, who has only just moved here, and is enjoying his new job and the money that comes with it.

    I want to avoid this as much as possible, but even if I dip into my savings I know it won't last me long if I can't find a job soon.

    How can I try to see this situation in a better light, and not feel so insecure about asking my partner for help?

    #2
    You can try to see this situation in a better light, and not feel insecure about asking your partner for help, mostly because you too have a life together and rely on each other for a lot of other stuffs than just money?

    Maybe I'm wrong but I suppose you too live together, right? When you say that you will have to ask him to "help you", in which aspects of your lives?

    My boyfriend is studying and earn a little amount of money, I pay for 70% of the stuffs (electricity, internet, my flat loan, insurances for my flat and for the car), and he pays for the grocery shopping and when we go out. I know he feels kinda bad about it but we both know that in a couple of years the situation will reverse and he will be able to pay for more. We are a team!

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      #3
      I agree with what Framboise is saying. In a relationship you are a team, so part of being this team is investing in each other and the relationship, emotionally, practically but sometimes this could also be financially. As long as the total balance of the relationship is ok, does it really matter that you or him is contributing more financially?

      My SO is working for an NGO this year. She is not making a lot of money but that's part of the deal working for an NGO in Sudan. So when it comes to travels (airplane tickets and hotel expenses is a significant cost) I contribute more at this moment than her. In the beginning she also felt uncomfortable with this, but I told her that for me it's very simply an investment in our relationship. I rather have a less than 50% split and be able to see each other than a 50/50 split and see her less because she can't afford to buy an airplane ticket.

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