Telling parents...

[h175]

Hello..

I am in a long distance relationship however i still live with my parents and i am 18. My boyfriend has told his mom and dad about me, and it meant a lot to him.
and sometimes he gets upset that I haven't told my parents yet. The reason why i keep this from them is because ive had relations with people online before and once
my mom found out, she grounded me for a month and took my phone and laptop away and i could not reach him again. I am scared she will have this reaction again,
even though that was years ago. I do not want to ruin what me and boyfriend have, but i also really want to tell my mom what is going on in my life because we are really
close and i dont like keeping things from her. i just have this bad feeling in my chest that she won't take it well any advice on how i can go about telling her about us?
Our relationship (my bf and i) means so much to me, and i have convinced my mom to let me travel to his country (i told her for travel experience) but if i tell her the truth
i dont want her to change her mind about letting me go

please help!

[Disenchantress]

I'm in the same exact situation actually. I am also 18, living with my parents and they are pretty strict about online relationships and friendships. They have found my social media accounts in the past, when I was 14-15ish where I was more 'me' (I had 2 accounts) and were appalled by that. Now, they seem more accepting of my online friends, however they do not know about my boyfriend. My parents would also take my phone and laptop away when they found my stuff online, it's definitely a very bad feeling! I was homeschooled and they were my only friends.
In regards to telling her.... Honestly, I'm planning on going to see my boyfriend for the first time this July and I'm not planning on telling my mom why I am going. I just want to meet my boyfriend, have a good time in Florida, and come home. Honestly that is probably the safest thing to do if you are not sure that your mother will be ok with you going to see him. I plan on telling my mom after I have met him a couple times, that way I can say I met him in Florida or something and that he's a really great guy and show her pictures of us together and tell her about our experiences together other than just saying 'we met online'. It's hard for parents to understand sometimes how well you can actually get to know a person online if you try. My parents have always told me you don't really know people online but I certainly know my boyfriend and my other online friends, maybe better than friends I have in real life. I believe that if you spend enough time talking to a person online, you inevitably form a deep relationship. I mean, you can't just sit in the same room and exist, you have to talk, use words, communicate. Communication is the root of the relationship. Helping parents to understand that is always helpful I think.
Good luck!!

[Lune]

Hey there

Your situation is really not easy, telling the parents is a big step and sometimes you don't know how they will react. In your case you have the advantage that you will be allowed to go to the country in general though and getting travel experience is no lie either. When you think your mum would react very negative as well, probably it can be better to talk about it all with her when you are back and also have like Disenchantress said, pictures and other proof to show her that your boyfriend is not just someone from the web but a real and nice decent person

All the best!

[Mark P]

This was the exact problem that my girlfriend and I had years ago - she told her parents all about me, but I was too worried to tell mine because I had no clue how they would react. My parents barely knew I spoke to people online because I was such a quiet and introverted person. I worried and worried for well over a year before managing to tell my mum "there's this girl that I know who's coming to visit, can I meet her?", and she instantly said I could, as long as I made sure she wasn't a man (she jokingly said). This was honestly the biggest relief of my life. Opening up to your parents about an online person that you're truely interested in is the greatest feeling ever, but also the most daunting.

As an 18 year old, I personally don't think your parents have any right to judge you or belittle you over such an incredible thing. You're an adult now and they can't stop you from feelings that are only natural. The online world is constantly growing and relationships with people you haven't met in person are continually growing, so many people around the globe are dedicated and in a happy LDR.

My personal advice to you - tell them as soon as possible. It won't be easy bringing it up, but find the right time to bring it up, and maybe do it in a way where you don't have to completely admit your in a relationship. You can always say they are a friend for now, and overtime as they get comfortable about the whole situation of online communication you can open up to them further.

Goodluck and I hope it all works out!

[erwin1973]

I'm not sure, rereading OP's post, if she should tell soon. When I see the possibility of being taken away her electronic divices, that would hurt her relationship. There must be some sort of better way to do that. Probably telling her to visit India for the experience would be best for now. Then the next step...

[amorathi]

Hi there,

I have an idea of what you are feeling. Basically, my SO has to hide our relationship and his parents thing we broke up but the hiding is getting ridiculous especially because he has to try and convince his parents to let him come up and visit me. My SO and I have decided to have him to talk to at least one of his parents soon , his mom, the "chill" one because it's not fair (not sure whether or not before or after our planned trips, depends on the right moment). In the end, it's our relationship, not theirs. It is our lives. Not theirs. Yes, it's scary because they can just take your phone, laptop, or car (in my SO's case) and not let you go anymore on the trip... but if they do that... That's going to represent who they are and you're not going to forget that for the rest of your life. Just remember... It's your feelings and your emotions. What you are experiencing is human nature and you shouldn't have to repress it or anything.

I wish you the best!