My ex girlfriend and I broke up one week ago. She kinda did it out of the blue. We’ve been dating for about 10 months now. We went to the same high school but I’m a grade above her so I went off to college 7 months ago. I’ve seen her on the breaks and it’s been the most amazing times I’ve ever had. During our time away, we FaceTimed almost every night and called and messaged her all the time. About a month ago, she started to act weird like she’d seem distant and she would blame it on her depression and anxiety. I didn’t see it myself but I also started to get carried away with my schoolwork and friends. I hate myself for neglecting the girl of my dreams even when I had time to talk to her. She took notice of my changed attitude and subtly tried to tell me but I completely ignored it because I didn’t see the unhappiness she was feeling. She tried to make me jealous by talking about other guys probably as a last resort to cry out to me that she was unhappy. She also didn’t like the routine we had fallen into. I regret not trying hard enough to keep our spark alive and now I’ve lost her. I want to let her now that I don’t want to be just friends. I want to show her that I will change for the better so we can rebuild our relationship. I am home for spring break this week but she’s told me that she’s not ready to see me. She lives right down the road and I want to at least go talk to her by the end of the week. I haven’t contacted her for a few days now to give her some space and time to sort her emotions out. I’m thinking about showing up at her house with flowers and chocolates and ask for a chance to fix our relationship. I want her to know that I love her very very much and knowing that I could’ve been a better boyfriend breaks my heart. I’d love to have a chance to prove that I will value her and not neglect her like I did in the past few months. Please help... what should I do? Is this a great plan? I don’t want to lose her because of something like this.
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Hi and welcome,
If she said she's not ready yet, then give her space. Try reaching out to her mid way or towards the end of your stay and see if she'd like to meet with you then.
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Yeah... but I don’t think she’ll see me if I ask her. I might have to just show up at her house and see her then. I dunno. I’m in a headlock and all I can think about right now is her.Comment
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You’re right. I should give her time and space. Thing is, she broke up with me over text (pretty shitty) and only picked up my third call and talked to me for about 30 seconds. I haven’t called her since last week. God, this is really hard. I haven’t been able to eat and every time I go to bed, I start thinking about our relationship and then my anxiety skyrockets leaving my heart racing. But thanks for the help.Originally posted by erwin1973 View PostComment
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MY EX TEXTED ME SAYING HEY THEN I SAID HEY BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT SHE WAS UP TO... and she needed someone to talk to about her suicidal dad. I said “ok??” Because I didn’t want to give in to her so she can use me for emotional support. Did I do the right thing or should I let her talk to me about it?? Please help!!Comment
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My ex texted back...
MY EX TEXTED ME SAYING HEY THEN I SAID HEY BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT SHE WAS UP TO... and she needed someone to talk to about her suicidal dad. I said “ok??” Because I didn’t want to give in to her so she can use me for emotional support. Did I do the right thing or should I let her talk to me about it?? Please help!! Btw, I’ve stated the background on my “Should I ask her a second chance?” Thread but I made a new one just because. Sorry guys.Comment
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I merged the threads. It’s easier to follow if you update the original thread instead of making a new one.
If she needs someone to talk to about her suicidal dad, and you care about her, then please talk to her. You might be the only person she feels comfortable talking to about this right now.Comment
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I care about her but then she replied “sorry to bother.. never mind..” and then an hour later I said no no you can talk to me about it and now she’s left me on read. What is she doing?? I want her back but I don’t think I can be her friend either. I love her too much. I think I just fucked up.Originally posted by Michelle View PostComment
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The “ok??” with the question marks was definitely not the best response and was very cold. I’m not sure what you can do but wait and see if she texts you back. Maybe apologize for your initial reply.Originally posted by Interrobanger View PostComment
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Yeah I shouldn’t have said that. I apologized about that and she said it’s ok I’m fine now... don’t worry about it and then went to be bed. I feel like a jerk and I want to make it up but I dunno what to do. I wanna see her by the end of the week. Maybe I can bring her chocolate for that and stuff I dunnoOriginally posted by Michelle View PostComment
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I am sorry but her behaviour bothers me a lot.
She broke up via text and gave no shit about how you felt. Or essentially she was immature and wanted to avoid the consequences of the decision SHE made. And now she dares to write you for emotional support? I feel like she's treating you too awfully and you don't deserve this much struggle just because she's so immature. I mean being suicidal is a serious issue, but come on, she should have at least broken up respectfully and explained what happened. It's unfair to treat someone like shit and then expect kindness from them. I don't blame you for saying "ok??" at all. Yes it's cold but the situation is a mess and it naturally brought that response as well.Comment
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I am sorry for double post but this is another topic from the same story, so...
Um, what do you mean "subtly"? Did she ever tell you directly that she was unhappy with the changes and that she wanted more attention? You are not a mind reader and you shouldn't be expected to be one, ever. She should have communicated the issues she had with you instead of bottling it up. And talking about other guys to make you jealous? That's so so immature... I am sorry for being blunt, but I don't think she's ready to be in a healthy relationship.I didn’t see it myself but I also started to get carried away with my schoolwork and friends. I hate myself for neglecting the girl of my dreams even when I had time to talk to her. She took notice of my changed attitude and subtly tried to tell me but I completely ignored it because I didn’t see the unhappiness she was feeling. She tried to make me jealous by talking about other guys probably as a last resort to cry out to me that she was unhappyComment
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I think she was definitely immature, but she’s what? 17 years old? And this is maybe her only serious relationship? It doesn’t make it okay but unfortunately, I think text breakups are the norm for teenagers. She’s a young girl who seems to be going through a hard time and is scared she is going to lose her dad. Maybe her dad had a suicide attempt. Maybe he’s in the hospital right now. If she needs someone to talk to about her dad, and she feels he is the only one she can open up to about this, then I think he should be able to set their relationship issues aside at least temporarily. Especially since he is interested in wanting to give their relationship another go.Originally posted by C.C. View Post
If she wasn’t so young and was in her 20’s or 30’s and doing the same thing, I’d feel the same as you though and definitely less forgiving.Comment
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She did tell me a couple times that she hated the distance and misses me a lot and wished my break would come faster. But, you’re right, she never did tell me she was unhappy until after the breakup... she has definitely been acting selfish like her feelings are what matter. Why say “I’m not ready to see you yet.” Then come to me for emotional support? I mean sure her dad is trying to commit suicide and I care for her and I’d like to me be there for her but I don’t want her to take advantage of me. Also, two days before we broke up, she was super stoked to see me and I could tell by the way she was talking. She was excited. But then when she sent the break up text it read “I know you’re coming back but then you’ll leave again... and I thought I’d be ok with it but it hurting me. My depression episodes are getting worse and I need to work on myself before I can try to make others happy. It’s hurting me that I’m doing this but it’s for the best”Originally posted by C.C. View Post
I just don’t understand how it helps her depression when I can’t be with her. I was always there for support and now that her dad is not doing well again, she’s looking to me for support. But you dumped me over text remember? I’m conflicted for sure.Comment
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