Trip PLANNED, however... things came up. Advice!?!

[Uschi]

Hi, guys. There's a lot of words, so I bolded the most important parts!
Let me preface with this:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for less than six months, and despite the short time together, we both feel very loving/passionate toward each other.
I can’t see myself with anyone other than him!!

THE PROBLEM:
He lives in Victoria, Australia and I live in Alaska, USA.
This school year, I started college classes while trying to graduate high school — I’m in school full time, and because of that, I can’t get a job.
Literally. I only have about two days of free time, which is spent on nothing but homework.
Him and I planned on me visiting him this summer, as he can’t come and visit me on account of his diabetes.
My family was supposed to fund the trip, as part of my high school graduation trip, but they recently LAST MINUTE pulled out of funding it because “They don’t want to travel that far.”

My boyfriend and I do not want to wait forever to see each other.
His most recently relationship lasted a good while (5+ years), which was long distance, however, the two never met.
He does not want that to happen with us, and OF COURSE, neither do I.
He’s also mentioned that he doesn’t want to go through that again, and if I can’t see him soon (within the next year, I’m assuming), we might break up...
I sincerely understand that, I believe that’s no way to live, but right now, I simply can’t go and see him. I barely have gas money to get to school and home.



?????: I want to ask him if he can at least pay for half (which would be roughly $600+) to get me there faster, but I don’t want to straight up ask him for money.
He is currently in-between jobs as he just moved back to his hometown within the last month. Australia is also expensive.
I know for any LDR, meeting is very important, but it truly is not realistic at the time.
I know he loves me and wants to be with me, because I truly love him and want a future with him.

MY SOLUTION? I plan on working full time after I get my diploma.
Maybe even getting a second job just to have the income. (I'll have to pay rent/my phone bill at home).
I feel super bad about cancelling the trip for now, however, I haven’t even applied for the visa OR booked a flight.
I seriously want to see him and plan on working very hard to do so.


That’s why I’m seeking advice from you guys here.

• How do I go about explaining this to him?
• Should I ask him for help? And if so, how do I go about it?
• Do you think that he would understand my situation?

I just TRULY do not want to break up with this boy that I adore and see a future with over something like this.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I'm not sure why he can't travel because of diabetes ? It's none of my business if he has complication with it, but my SO has diabetes and it doesn't prevent him to travel around. He just has to be more careful, carry sugar on him at all time and stuff like that.

It might be too early on in the relationship to ask for money according to me, but it's just the way I see it. You can propose it to him and ask whether or not he would be willing to do it, but I would not necessarily expect a yes coming from him.

I think that if he is truly interested and committed to you, he would understand your money problems. Honestly, it's very hard to travel around when you're a student. I'm one right now and it costs me a whole bunch of money just for trips. It's one of the bad side of LDR, but if he doesn't understand and if he doesn't offer to help, then he doesn't deserve you. Especially since you're the one going to him.

[autumn1790]

Never give up your future for a boy who does not show the same investment in the relationship as you do. If getting two jobs is what you want to do straight out of college, do it, but don't do it for him. There's something to be said for feeling like an outsider as a 19-year-old college freshman...everyone else is already ahead of you. That may not matter to you, or it may. Like littlewhiteflower said, many people with diabetes make international trips and continue to live a normal life; I don't see that as an automatic valid excuse. I know you'll hate me for saying this, but you're young, in love, etc. Don't plan your whole life on a guy you've known less than a year and never met. Work on setting yourself up for success. I know it sucks...I went over two years without meeting my dude because I was the same age as you and needed to get my life in order (which i still haven't ) and gradually save up enough to make the trip.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I thought about that a bit more. Diabetes is a bad disease but you can live with it.

My SO is a plane pilot living with type 1 diabetes. He checks his blood 30 minutes before flight, and throughout the flight too. He carries with him white sugar, some fast-acting tablet of sugar you find in pharmacy, a small bottle of honey or maple syrup. Those are fast acting sugar type of thing and make your sugar level goes up fast (if you end up with a low blood sugar). Those are also advices by endocrinologists (to have met some myself).

He has to carry his insulins and his prescriptions with him to pass the border, but beside that, there would be no problem.

The only reason why I'd see your SO can't travel with diabetes would be if he has problems with his kidneys like a kidney failure. You are young I guess (if you are still in school) and I doubt you're with a man 3 times your age, so the probabilitity your SO might have to have dialysis are there but small. (Although I can be wrong). Every diabetes are different.

He can also take insurance if he is scared to have a health problems. No one wants to have to go to the emergency in the states as it costs a fortune, but there are many insurances available for some affordable price. You can buy them with your plane ticket usually.

If you have any questions about diabetes, don't hesitate to contact me in private, but I think if he doesn't have any side affects associated with his diabetes, it shouldn't be a reason to not travel.

[Uschi]

I thought about that a bit more. Diabetes is a bad disease but you can live with it.

My SO is a plane pilot living with type 1 diabetes. He checks his blood 30 minutes before flight, and throughout the flight too. He carries with him white sugar, some fast-acting tablet of sugar you find in pharmacy, a small bottle of honey or maple syrup. Those are fast acting sugar type of thing and make your sugar level goes up fast (if you end up with a low blood sugar). Those are also advices by endocrinologists (to have met some myself).

He has to carry his insulins and his prescriptions with him to pass the border, but beside that, there would be no problem.

The only reason why I'd see your SO can't travel with diabetes would be if he has problems with his kidneys like a kidney failure. You are young I guess (if you are still in school) and I doubt you're with a man 3 times your age, so the probabilitity your SO might have to have dialysis are there but small. (Although I can be wrong). Every diabetes are different.

He can also take insurance if he is scared to have a health problems. No one wants to have to go to the emergency in the states as it costs a fortune, but there are many insurances available for some affordable price. You can buy them with your plane ticket usually.

If you have any questions about diabetes, don't hesitate to contact me in private, but I think if he doesn't have any side affects associated with his diabetes, it shouldn't be a reason to not travel.

I talked to him more about it and that's more what he's scared of -- lack of insurance/coverage overseas. That's reasonable because when I went overseas to The Netherlands, I carried the emergency service card our tour guide gave us everywhere.

[Uschi]

Never give up your future for a boy who does not show the same investment in the relationship as you do. If getting two jobs is what you want to do straight out of college, do it, but don't do it for him. There's something to be said for feeling like an outsider as a 19-year-old college freshman...everyone else is already ahead of you. That may not matter to you, or it may. Like littlewhiteflower said, many people with diabetes make international trips and continue to live a normal life; I don't see that as an automatic valid excuse. I know you'll hate me for saying this, but you're young, in love, etc. Don't plan your whole life on a guy you've known less than a year and never met. Work on setting yourself up for success. I know it sucks...I went over two years without meeting my dude because I was the same age as you and needed to get my life in order (which i still haven't ) and gradually save up enough to make the trip.

I totally get that, and I have to stop myself a lot of the times because I am one of those people that likes ideas way more in my head than when they actually happen.
Thankfully, I'm kind of dead-set on taking a year off of school because I'll be moving states and my mom and I both agreed if I don't go to college, I'd have to get a job
to help around the house with bills and stuff. So, if me and him fall through, I'd still be working for something, you know?

[Uschi]

I'm not sure why he can't travel because of diabetes ? It's none of my business if he has complication with it, but my SO has diabetes and it doesn't prevent him to travel around. He just has to be more careful, carry sugar on him at all time and stuff like that.

It might be too early on in the relationship to ask for money according to me, but it's just the way I see it. You can propose it to him and ask whether or not he would be willing to do it, but I would not necessarily expect a yes coming from him.

I think that if he is truly interested and committed to you, he would understand your money problems. Honestly, it's very hard to travel around when you're a student. I'm one right now and it costs me a whole bunch of money just for trips. It's one of the bad side of LDR, but if he doesn't understand and if he doesn't offer to help, then he doesn't deserve you. Especially since you're the one going to him.

I agree with asking for money... my whole family is practically telling me to ask him for money. I'm not comfortable with that at all.
I hope that everything can work out though. I'll be looking more into the diabetes thing. He's pretty open with me about it

[Uschi]

Thank you guys for your replies.
I really am finding a good community here.
I talked about it with him and he understands - my anxiety just always gets the best of me