First LDR and struggling, help!!

[lynn1]

Hi all,

It's my first time posting on a forum like this but i'm really struggling in my ldr and could use some advice/guidance/support! It's just been feeling so hard lately... We started dating last summer and fell hard and fast for each other, but a few months later he moved a few states away for a new job. He is a great boyfriend and I really value our relationship, but I hate that when I'm without him I feel just constantly sad and lonely. It doesn't help that I don't have a good support system where I'm currently living as most of my family and friends are far away. I'm here at least another two years for school, and that much longer apart is daunting. We see each other fairly frequently, usually about once every 4 weeks and the time together is always wonderful and makes the distance seem worth it, but the time apart is such a struggle. I see long term potential so I don't just want to give up, but how I've been feeling is not sustainable. I cry all the time (which is not normal for me), have trouble sleeping, and also have been having trouble concentrating and performing in school. I know I need to be able to deal with time apart, but I have not been dealing with it well. I really, really don't want to break up, but I just can't imagine feeling like this for two more years and idk what to do... Any advice for how to be happier/less sad and lonely in a ldr would be much appreciated! Thank you!!!

[Wambby]

*hugs*
How long have you been apart? Maybe you just need some time to adjust to seeing him once a month. I would say join some activities at school to keep yuou occupied during the day and some hardcore studying at night. In 2 years when you both are together and happy, you may look back and regret not studying harder in school.
overall, its hard to be away from friends, family and loved ones, but 2 years will definetely go back quickly if you distract yourself with studying hard and making friends at school
good luck!

[paperplane]

Don't be afraid to look into counseling resources at your school. Any support is so helpful and just having someone to talk to in person can do wonders for putting things into perspective. They can also help you to cope with your feelings.
Could you find a club or group to join? It would keep you busy and also give you some friends. Building a support system where you are, even just one or 2 people, can help a lot.
Maybe look into meditation for the sadness and loneliness. Also gratitude training. Really picture him and everything that you are thankful for in him. Think about how thankful you are to have him in your life, try to bolster that warm fuzzy feeling for a long as possible. Realize that you generated that feeling inside your own body, using only your own mind. You can get through this. You don't need his presence to feel whole. He adds to your life greatly, but the suffering comes from feeling like he fills a void that you can't fill in yourself, and that doesn't have to be the case.

Good luck. You'll look back in 2 years and be amazed at how fast it went by.

[Lyssa]

Hi!

I'm really sorry you've been put into the long distance situation. It's definitely not ideal. If you see long-term potential in him, then I can guarantee you that 2 years is not as long as it may sound. I've learned that thinking about how many years it might be can really drive me insane, and it doesn't do much of anything other than make things really stressful. I think what you should do is try to find ways to make it work in the now.

This can be a really lonely thing to go through, but if you two work at it together, then it won't have to feel so lonely or sad. Some of the things me and my LDR do is Skype and watch movies/TV together. There is a share screen option on Skype, so we've been watching How I Met Your Mother on Hulu together. A few weekends ago, we both "got up together" and FaceTimed while we ate cereal and then watched a movie before we went our own ways to start the day. Other times, we'll just be goof balls and sing lyric videos on YouTube together. It's really important to prioritize each other and still be part of each other's days even if you're far apart.

And you never know, there may be an opportunity for you two to see each other a few times in the next 2 years before you're finished school. But until those opportunities arise, it is important to be creative with each other while you're apart. Another thing Lester and I have talked about is Skyping even when we're doing homework (or even if it's just him doing homework and I can go do my own thing). Sometimes, you don't have to talk to each other; just feeling each other's presence in the room while you're doing something else is enough

It's something that you kind of have to make changes for and adapt to. It's important though to not let it consume you. In the beginning, I definitely let it consume me in a really unhealthy way and I basically forgot how to live for myself. It took me a while to remember how to do that. Just try to co-exist with him in the new situation you're in, remember who you are and what you're doing, and put a little trust in faith, hope and time.