Family Disaproval

[Msmith]

Hello everyone,

So first post! Joined this forum because I'm finding it hard to find support on an issue that I know I can remain strong on, but it's still lonely to do it alone you know?
My issues is that I'm together with this beautiful man, who's loving and kind, respectful, and I'm head over heels for him. We met while I was on a year abroad in Melbourne last year and have been going long distance for the past 8 months (I'm in London), he's visited me for 2 months in between. Our relationship is beyond healthy and happy ( besides the sadness at being apart) and I can really see a future with him. My only issue is that in a period of time where my future is so uncertain, and he's basically the only certain thing in my life alongside my family, they want me to break up with him. I understand they are worried and concerned that my saddness at being apart is seeping into other parts of my life, but most of the sadness I feel is due to the lack of emotional support from them. I'm turning 22 this year. I know it all sounds a bit ludicrous to expect people to support me. (anyone in a LDR knows that postive comments on your relationship are few and far between, and everyone feels entitled to an opinion)Just finding it hard to accept that ultimately I'm going to have to make a choice, and the choice I want to make, to move to australia, because that's the happiest I've been in my life, is going to hurt a lot of people dear to me. It's a selfish decision, and it's really tearing me apart, that something I want so so much, is going to drive a wedge between me and my family.
Just looking for advice from people who have been in similar situations, what do you do? we're both young obviously (he's 23) but I've been independently living from my parents for 5 years now, it's clear that I can support myself emotionally and financially, yet they're so negative
thanks!

[JLJR]

In my personal opinion, with sort of the same thing happening between me and my SO, is that you should make that selfish decision. Although I am only 19, I have learned that sometimes you need to put your happiness above all else. It seems to me that with your family acting this way it will only continue to bring you sadness, and why should you have to give up something that makes you so happy? And although positive comments can be hard to find, they are out there, and if you feel you are truly your happiest with your SO you should do what will make you happy and try to find people who will support you. I am sorry if this does not make sense or if this seems like I am anti-family (because I am not), I just believe that your happiness should be what comes first and if your family truly wants what is best for you they will support you no matter what.

[Wynn22]

I am also in this situation where my parents don't like my SO, though a couple months ago my dad somewhat accepted I won't be changing my mind. It is a tough, heartbreaking situation to not be getting along with your parents. I'm about to be 19, but I am still financially dependent on my parents. You, on the other hand, are not. At that point, you're living on your own by your own rules. Do what will make you happiest. At some point, if your parents truly want you to be happy above all else, I think they may come to accept it and support you. I think for now, you just do what you want. You're an adult, independent from your parents. Go enjoy yourself

[Rezie]

Not having family support feels terrible, but you are an adult and can make your own decisions. I totally understand parents being sad for you moving across the world and possibly not even meeting once a year. It's a scary thought to a parent. All you can do is explain your reasoning for them and let them know it's not upto them, but you would rather go there in good terms. In the end majority of parent want their kid to be happy. If you break up with him for them and don't move to Australia then you will be bitter towards your parents and that will damag the relationship with your parents. Is this move somehting that is "someday" or are you actually working on the moving?

[2Rocky]

Depends,

Do your parents disapprove of the PERSON, or the DISTANCE?

Except for your LDR person, what is important to you?

Is your LDR going to help or hinder achieving what is important to you?

I've run into the Family disapproval. I was "dating too soon after the divorce", and it really made me look hard at what was important to me and my family. I really had to commit to what I wanted and follow through on it. In doing that it made me pursue those things I needed to have locked down to make the LDR work. I think much of the disapproval you get from people outside your relationship is the idea that you are not taking care of business in your life. But when you are getting your work done, got your finances in order, having fulfilling relationships with friends and family in person, then an LDR doesn't seem like such a sacrifice.

[erwin1973]

In my case, and as you see I am just a little bit older than you are (hehe) my parents disapprove too. Of course, all of us here who responded are adults, so our parents can not tell us what to do. Of course, it would be nice to have their support. But they cannot make you break up. It's your life, you're not a child any more, and it you're own decision.

My parents disapprove for the reason 'I can give her no future'. So, in that case, if I would have been dating my neighbour, they should have been saying the same. But I know it's the distance they disapprove, because my first LDR ended up wrong and they are afraid for a repetition of the events.

The act that I am more than twice your age makes no difference, @MSmith, because you're an adult too. It would have been different if you were let's say 15 or 16 or so...

It's hard to have no family support, I know, but do what you think is best and if that is staying with your man, do that.