LDR advice.

[Rob728]

Hello everybody, My name is Rob, This is my first post on this forum and I'm glad to be here and meet all of you, That being said I need some advice from people who are currently in LDR and people have closed the distance with them and their SO and had a successfully LDR, Anyway a little background information, My SO and I met on xbox (I know right? of all places haha) close to two years ago, And things have been great ever since, We talk on the phone (Skype) Every chance we get and sometimes spend hours talking, And if were not talking we are texting. But I am a person who struggles with anxiety, And I am terrified of the fact that this is not going to work out and I'm going to lose something I have two years invested in. We have already expressed wishes to visit eachother just nowadays is a bad time due to school scheduling and what not, But we both want to, We've even gone so far as to joke around about marriage, Just today he made a joke about him taking my last name. Now the logical part of me says if he is saying these things and spending this much time with me on the phone and texting then he wants to be with me...But I guess my question is, How do you guys trust your SO when there is such a distance between you? How do you guys cope with the fear that it is not going to work out even though you want it to very much. To make it clear we are not like these young teenagers who are expecting this Cinderella story and are planning a marriage and saying "I love you" After one week haha, We've haven't talked too much detail about the future, such as Who is gonna move where, And all of those details but we have made jokes about what our house is gonna be like, Stuff like that, Anyway I'm going to stop rambling on now, Basically any advice you guys can share with someone who is struggling to cope with this in an LDR will be greatly appreciated. And I of course will be happy to answer any questions you guys have for me. And also in case you are wondering, He is 19 and I am 21 (We both have our stuff together, he is currently in college and I am a full time EMT working towards my RN), Yes we are Gay, He's out and open, I am closeted and were both okay with this.

[paperplane]

I have struggled with the same type of anxiety. I still do sometimes.

I had to release my attachment to him- not my love, but just, my need to control the future with him (or really, the future at all!) I really obsessed about it, posted here, watched tarot readings on youtube, zodiac stuff, almost considered paying money for a psychic before I realized- I have no actual control over this. Nothing anyone tells me is going to make me feel better because the future isn't here until it's the present!

Even if you guys weren't in a LDR but living together, there is still no way to know that things will work out the way you want. The best thing to do is try to enjoy the time you guys have NOW, and focus on making those great moments. Tell yourself that opportunities will open up with time, and as long as you both stay open to them and discuss them as they come, you will find a way to be together. As an EMT you probably see first hand that shit is gonna happen to people that no one expected, no one plans to end up in an ambulance. It goes the other way too- amazing things are around the corner and we have no idea.

To trust your SO, assume innocence until proven guilty. A lot of times we let our own insecurities dictate our perception of reality. Now is a great time to learn about what triggers your insecurities and learn how to handle them. Write down things they have done which show you that they care, so you can remind yourself when your mind starts spiraling.

If you are really worried, confide your fears and believe his answer. If his actions don't match his words, ask for clarification.

[RWhiz]

One quick bit of advice, you state that you have anxiety over loosing something you've invested 2 years into. That's called Sunk Cost Fallacy, it really doesn't matter how long you're investment is, if it works out great, and if not, well there's someone else out there for you! Just don't get hung up on the 2 years and if it'll work out or not. JM2Cs

[Rob728]

Thank you very much to the both of you, some great advice, I guess I have some work to do with my feelings and just take it day by day and enjoy the present and not worry about the future.

[erwin1973]

Trust is not about the physical distance between the two of you. Trust is something that you have, because you think he or she deserves it to be trusted, because his or her actions prove that he or she is telling the truth. I don't think, personally, that trusting my lady is more difficult now then when she would have lived in my city.

When you don't trust him, talk to him.