4 months in and still hurting horribly

[toribee]

SO and I were semi long distance (1.5 hours) from the beginning but at the beginning of this year I needed to move states for university and he couldn't follow because my uni didn't offer his degree/course nor other universities near me either. We spent three weeks together at the beginning of the move - he was here with me helping me settle in. When he had to leave I began to feel loneliness like never before. It felt/feels so all-consuming and it hurts so much. I made trips to go see him every week even though our schedule was every 2 weeks due to uni workload. About 1 hour ago he just left to go home again and I'm still feeling completely alone and hurting so bad. I miss him so much and I don't know how to make this feeling go away. He's such a sweetheart but there's not much he can do to make the feeling stop when he's 5 hours away.

[erwin1973]

The only one to make you stop feeling bad, is yourself. Don't focus on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have. And don't sit waiting by the phone. Have your own life and fit him in, don't build your life around him.

[Lyssa]

Hi,

I'm really sorry that you're hurting from this, but your situation is definitely doable if you are both willing to adjust to the distance and plan on eventually closing that distance. One of the biggest mistakes I made in the beginning of my LDR was basically let it consume my entire life. I would constantly stare down at my phone and hope it was him that texted me, and if it wasn't, I'd get disappointed. I had completely disregarded and took for granted the rest of the people in my life. It took a lot of falling and getting back up to finally realize that self-care, teamwork and optimism are so important in long distance. I know it doesn't seem likely right now, especially because him leaving is so fresh, but you will eventually be able to co-exist with that kind of pain and overcome it with creativity and the willingness to work at this as a team.

Live your life, hang out with your friends, and let the people around you make you feel better, but also let him make you feel better about it, too. Again, I don't know how willing he is to work through distance, but if he is, there are lots of fun, doable ways to hang out with him. Figure each other's schedules out and see what nights you guys can do a movie night via Skype. Or maybe you guys can fall asleep together and have breakfast on a Saturday morning before you both go on and enjoy your weekends separately (I've done that before and it's a refreshing way to start the weekend). You can co-exist with him in a way where you can miss him because you're human, but you won't have to feel so hurt and alone. Spend a few morning hours with him on a day off and then go to the mall or park with your friends!

Also, part of self-care is learning how to stay busy by yourself. Do you like to write? Read? Go for walks? I think it's really important to have "me-time" and be okay with that, too.

Again, I'm sorry that you're hurting, but I hope that some of my words and suggestions could give you some ideas on how to combat it.